Did you know I co-host a monthly series called Sister Sister that runs Live on FACEBOOK the 3rd Wednesday of every month?
Yes, I know you are doing the 90’s sitcom jig right now to Tia and Tamara’s fashionable twin tunes, but this is Tianna and Tamra coming at you with hubbies and babies! Sisters by the blood of Jesus! Because once you see us, you’ll know why we couldn’t quite be sisters by birth.
These conversations get down, dirty, funny, and silly but ultimately truly authentic REAL mom, real wife, real-life coffee convos.
Here we talk all about setting boundaries – deep within friendships, family, marriage, parenting, and personally!
Show Notes: Setting Boundaries
I have to do it all on an outtake one, here it up a… You guys have… You haven’t been with us before we are so come to have you… This is Tiana in Tama, and we are here as two sisters, just sharing the goodness of the Lord, sharing names that he’s taught us, sharing journeys that we’ve been on, our testimonies, and ultimately just an opportunity for you guys to come in and have a real life conversation with two real women, just living life L. I think today’s conversation is gonna be really good, we’re both had it in our motion and… And I think the concept of setting boundaries, which is today’s topic, is something that it’s just been really pressed on to me as I’ve learned to develop them over the last four years, and so sharing that, but also walking it out, and that is a consistent, consistent thing, ’cause without the consistency, we end up falling backwards in a of Foundry, which is where we shouldn’t be living, so I… Well, thanks. For me, in the studio today, I know.
And got the store. But in statutory, fine. And you’re a head… We did A and not you. Yeah, regardless of everything else going on, so let’s chat, let’s… So I don’t even know where to start with this can work that really… It is, it really is a…
Oh, okay, so I don’t wanna ask you… Oh gosh, you said as you developed over the past few years… Yeah, can you re the book?
I was just a foundation.
So what I see everyone needs or visible in… What is it?
I’m gonna look up at it, is I know one of the names is to…
Okay, is it not in a into… So I’ve been referenced to this book, clearly, I need to actually do it, so I’m the Allison or… Yeah, I love Audible, and I have it in my wish list every time I listened to the intro, it’s just not a good article… Oh really?
Not for me, it wasn’t…
Oh, as you listen to Auld, not look at… So I…
I took so many house so much or… But maybe give the first section because I know there are some both that it took a while again to it, and I was like that he is a… MIT wasn’t the content.
And I’m super weird about voices at… I can’t listen to me in to actually pick up the book ’cause I do love to read… It’s like the thing. Yeah, yeah. Well, I’m excited. I know I’ve been taught everything from it… Yeah, he left coach, so grateful for her, but she always sell that and then safe people is the other one I…
I heard about it, I started reading it and I stopped, I was like, oh, just your bottom in… Yeah, it is, because we’re around people all the time, and so understanding that boundary and overlap of the people that we choose to have in our sphere influence can be scary because people have all of their things that they bring to the table, and at the very same time, you are able to create a boundary to the to to those things. And I think that’s where I had a hardest time ’cause I was a… I won’t say Was I in… So we’re covering through this, but a people easier, and I love people to be happy, and I feel like that’s something God calls us to do, but he doesn’t call us to make them happy, he calls us to love them well, sometimes loving people further away is a really healthy bouton.
So yes, starts is good at… We’re gonna continually come back to that one… Oh, alright, ’cause I feel like that is one thing that we all… So yeah, like we need to love people to a mother role, and I sometimes… It is at a meet, so times that doesn’t even mean, be in your life. No, a lot of times I just pray for them.
Yeah, I took it in a one… Okay.
Yeah, it’s good to us. So let’s start where you start the area, the National… And obviously, why it’s important as to how to say cars there, the… Okay, so I think the biggest thing that I’ve learned in the seasons that have is knowing that just like you would say are time, and that’s a huge boundary thing that I had to cultivate myself.
You see your life, you have your day-to-day experiences, you have the hats that you wear, or whatever title that may or may not be motherhood, being a wife, being a co-worker, being a sister, all of these different things.
And if you live your life in a space of auto-violent without full recognition of what you’re doing, when you’re doing it, and why you’re doing it, you end up completely inhibit yourself in your actual capacity, and I… Old man, you live a boundary less like because you’re trying to be all the things and do all the things, which I ask you all things a lot, but again, I do it knowing that the choice that I’m making in those things are very intentional right now… Right.
Where before living that boundary-less life, it was an intention, less life, and I was living ultimately to be happy and not be old, and it catapulted me into a really bad place, right?
And so that’s why it speaks so deeply to me is that I know the huge value-add since being introduced to this concept of boundaries and it sounds not fun, it acted it restrictive, and it sounds like a rule, and it sounds like… So table coming down from the main… Being here, the 10 commandments. And so often people think that that is Christianity, and here’s a set of rules. And if you don’t live by them, you’re not getting into heaven, but I…
God actually loves us to have an experience freedom, and IT… Boundaries are actually the opposite, the way to receive and understand freedom is through batters it… That’s a lot.
Wow, a lot of every… Oh, me that you said when I take on a… But the last… You just said, because in the world, Bolles and rules are strict in.
But I’ve just been recently, in the past six months, leaving in to the holy and amazing and beautiful concept of that footwork, he estates that we could… The great… Because I was reading a book and it was talking about how we as people, please, we love our… That’s a list of things to do.
Yeah, and we don’t do that at I though it.
But God gave us, he gave us the 10 Commandments, so that we could live the best life in him, because if we’re not got to be so there was not a true… Yeah, if we’re not sleeping around, there’s no repercussions of the diet, I just rather… And we see that so often as restrictive as, Oh, well, I’m not being able to live my best life, but honestly, getting rid of the drama by not lying, cheating, dealing, whatever, murdering I… Attainment is…
As a whole, live free, whole lives and not going… The need, the Orsini feel restrictive, but having a boundary between this friend that is toxic is a need to have my piece so that I can actually serve them in a pro and not just… It’s really a person.
Absolutely, or the negative emotion of your spirit versus the spirit, man, that is being built up through the or because you are responding in anger or you are responding to hostility or through gossip, because you’re pulling that enver to somebody else, the… So there’s absolutely so much, and I think we’ve circled to this concept of boundaries within relationships kind of first, which I think is really important because we are relational beings and God intends for us to be in communion with other people.
It is that people that He intends for us to be community… In community with… That matter the most. But in the way that is really healthy. And if we are choosing to be in community with everyone, because we’re people users, we’re limiting in the depth of the relationships that are meant to be within an inner circle, and I know that…
I can see, right. I didn’t see that in you. I really love it. I know it, and it’s the something that I had to recognize within my marriage that he was getting my leftovers. Yeah, and this is something I constantly have to check myself in because I do love people and I do want to share with people and be present with people, and yet… And help people and sharing the knowledge that we’ve actually pulled these concepts as a very couple… And so when I’m getting them to somebody else as a resource, I feel like I’m doing my due diligence for the Lord, right, this is something she would have me do and utilizing that frame of mind when I could just be at home relating in the fact that we’ve cultivated these boundaries and now we are in better relation together it that that’s something that constantly focusing on, so realizing that in perfect, we are walking this thing out, and that’s why we’re here with you, we want you to realize the real raw components of these deep conversations and last time as playful and fun, and how do you get more play into your life? And so we are also likely, I kind of girlfriends, but at the same time, the reason that I feel so committed to these conversations publicly for people to actually get hearing in on something that we would talk about is that there’s so much… Well, I, I… There’s so much loss to be hard conversations, and so cultivating them relationally, what’s the way that you have done that, either within your marriage or… Obviously, you can talk about other… Abut, I think that’s a whole other… A hole that would talk about that I resonate a try… We can not steer in a more… In our content, we can’t… It’s so… That’s… So you… He ate the question. So for boundaries in relationships, what are some ways that you help call… You cultivated them, wonder if you within friendship, so, or your marriage, or…
I even talk about it in your East.
So there are so many different flames of that on the far plane, on a card, when I had to do that in is to rely, just not speak it to certain people or there are a inanimate… You’re all talking.
He messaged me every few months and I… We, it’s not great.
And I just got to to pray for him, and every time I see a the…
I just tend to need to create for him, and I just know that… It’s not quite time.
Yeah, here he’s saying like, Who got… We’re not there, it’s not time, he’s not ready.
And that is a really hard bound to know that you’re not speaking to your parents in a… That’s a really hard… But it’s where we are, and I see like the biggest things that we can’t change people now, that one, I… And there is no fruit in having… Just repeatedly negative interactions. Yeah, and then on the opposite end of that, badass, just… It’s a simple… Within a marriage, knowing your strengths and madness is good and cultivate, hating each other, we’ve a boundary for my family is that I do not what I got to be.
And not a tint.
I’m on edge, I’m not a kid person. What my husband is so cation and a note to one. Yeah.
Example, we initiate that I…
Oh yeah, yeah.
Okay, so I wanna go back because one, I think it’s a heavy topic that a lot of people are dealing with, I personally dealt with the same thing in relationships with my parents, in relationships with my siblings, where I had to cut it conversation, but those open lines of communication that… And I think that all happens more often than not, and it’s not a conversation that people are comfortable talking about because it feels out of mature to what the King then is about in case as to in a family and of course, brothers and sisters shoot, this is called Sisters is A… And even when we tie it, I have a sister that God gave me, I like my blood, and we have never really seen it, we’ve always had just a difficulty and experiencing sister, and so it’s been so amazing to have these women come into my life where it’s like Just go so… So I out judgment without that animosity, and I also realizing that open lines of communication are available within the different relationships, so walking that out and knowing that it’s okay that God has a bigger plan for our family that I can even comfortin, so us trusting as daughters or trusting sisters or whatever that will may be, that our issue with control and our desire to fix and mend and tweak relationships based on what we imagine they should be, is out of alignment with what God would have us to and along… I’m just throwing out all my cards here people… I’m a people pleaser, I’m a control freak. What’s wrong, I think is this therapy. Okay, I’m working on it and… But I do, I naturally have this tiny that I wanna like fix in control things to be a certain way, and that yet I was living about boundary less like… Yeah, so I imagine with a healthy boundary, so I was… Had a lot of unhealthy boundaries, but imagine the destruction that I was literally single-handedly cultivating because I was trying to build a life that I had seen other people mirror or image, he asking of me from an achievement standpoint, or people will take people without boundaries. Constantly want from you. Yeah, and in all the wrong ways, they will strictly utilize you for your guests, they will strictly utilize you because of the monetary supplement you’re providing their happening… They don’t care if you have to stay late and somebody else has to unknowingly pick up your children in their school, or they’re sick and you can go into work. These are things that you can recognize within our companies from a business perspective of, Is my company good at setting boundaries, and honestly, people who don’t have boundaries don’t like people who have outrageous that in the Botero.
So to enter a tank that a lot of why… Why are you… No, I’m a client right now. It’s dealing with that. Yeah, she’s in The theban relationship, and I’m having her mood and she’s like, she sent me a text and she was like, I did not know that this was me, I’m like, Yeah, yeah.
The Shard or… But it’s just like, those people can’t understand, they’re like, What is this that you men… Can’t call you when I do like it.
What do you mean? You’re not going with that.
And I think that is one of the biggest things we have to recognize about this bold relational struggle is that they’re…
I hang Asante.
Yeah, like the fact that they don’t have on resisting that we shouldn’t… Yeah, the fact that they can’t understand it, or respect to a weenie. And that’s not our issue. That’s a bar issue, and that’s one of the big things that comes up in the book as a…
We can’t say on responsibility for other people’s actions or your feeling, we’re not making that feel this way, they’re having reactions based on boundaries we’ve set up, and as long as that is honoring the Lord and respecting who we are and what God has called us to, that’s all we’re supposed to do. That’s so good.
What is really beautiful about this, and I wanted to share this point too, and I hope and kind of proclamation over your relationship with your father too, is that there has a point in a that people do have an opportunity to choose to understand and whether that’s been learning through, not for you, because that’s not our responsibility either, is it the top about the treat gain bound resin and say, I’m gonna teach you about that.
They don’t like boundary, it’s not gonna turn out well for you, let that be something that God lays on your home, in your spirit and your art, but it is not intended as I share all of this with you, or I’m not doing it from a… You should do this. Yeah, doing it for place of wanting your wholeness for you and just sharing how is that? I have to walk through this consistently, I think he not have the same shared hard end, but what my hope is, is that a knowledge is that as people learn to understand why the boundaries are helpful for them personally, they start to create their own… And when that happens, this new relationship is capable of emerging, and I’ve seen that in my couple of relationships with my parents, I’ve seen that in my relationship with my siblings, and it’s transforming, we’re still in the process of receiving what that looks like and trying to navigate this newness and our relationships, but ultimately, I can sense God is released the… It’s not, no waiting anymore, let’s start making small Ross, and it becomes very different than the relationship you previously had, but it becomes one that you can start to re-create the foundation of trust, which alter ultimately boundaries evil just if you think about it in… So in your relationship and merely, we can share this and even in motherhood, because I think it’s a really important conversation, we’ll circle back to it, is it that as you call to be boundaries of within yourself, people trust that this is the consistency that Ian is gonna bring to the table.
I can trust that she’s gonna show up for me, I can trust that when I share something hard, she isn’t going to just…
I completely ignore my conversation, but instead she’s gonna ask me questions and she’s gonna come to the table open-hearted and empathetic and come back with something that the Lord would have her say versus just what her at this… Any, I…
I can trust you for a good time, I can trust you for a word conversation, and these are not because this is your personality, though that is a part of it, it’s because you’ve cultivated boundaries of how you share yourself with the world, and so I… Boundaries within our marriage would be the same thing on to you and your husband to rely on each other strength, weaknesses, knowing those things and having open conversation about them to say, Okay, I can trust that my husband knows me well enough to know that I don’t… Not love my children.
I want to… Yeah, I can, I just got it that all day in my best time with it is in the morning, I am a morning first in a radio, so I think that there’s so much beauty and there’s so much death in this conversation, and we can take it in so many different ways that… Let’s kinda jump into that conversation on other… Like Where have you learned to stash boundaries as a monk.
So the huge one recently has been, I started working on my studio, I can’t work on home… Yeah, because entrepreneur were like, yeah, there’s always something… And I have not my best…
I’m not… It’s not, first of all, so far that… Yeah, to get part of me, and it’s been really, really hard because I’m like, I just want it all… I don’t… No side by myself.
So having that boundary of your computer in that from home, you’re gonna work at the studio, you’re gonna finish your work so that when you go home… Where is home? That’s been… That’s awesome. It’s on so beautiful. Yeah, it’s been really great.
And that’s a really good one. It gets a really hard one, and especially if people don’t have that, like this is their office is the RA, they do their work.
But my husband, and is really good at teaching this because he has to do the same thing in his job, is that being present and you’re with… And your bouncer being auroral.
I mean, this is just… This is a boundary, if you can learn to manage your phone versus your co-managing you… Yeah, you remember, Well, Ricans on so many levels. That’s not the first thing that you look at in the morning, that’s not what controls your attention if it deems… Or your file, the iMessage thing? I cannot tell you.
I had one, so I understand, loved it. It was the most distracting thing, always buzzing on your risk, and where does my eyes go when something like that below me when we’re having a conversation. Yeah, I’m trying to be good. Yeah, but it gets all of your attention, it’s just… It’s filling our brains in a… So Asian on consent, I started watching my screen time… Yeah, it’s good, I… It’s a good thing to try to do it. And our we… Where you the rest of the war.
Okay, I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t think that, but I guess that’s your smart… So I do a demo in my phone…
Oh, okay. I was at a for a… That’s an hour and to all get out.
Yeah, that’s… If you are boundary your time in your devotional versus jumping off and checking it LaFace on your Instagram, then… Totally. Or your email.
But yeah, so I think other things like what about other conversations or things within your family that you’ve created boundaries with the children maybe as hard as… It’s interesting. And that’s a hard one. Particularly for others, I think. Yeah, yeah, and you were on it that there are so many women… My husband, I were for a long time, or we have kids and we don’t really have this phone, but I speak a lot of my clients struggle with putting their kids before their husbands… Ladies, this is really hard, but the PI tells us were supposes de we… Our is right after JP. And don’t take this to me, if you have the top of a… Yes, they depend on your suit.
Right, yeah. I don’t let your baby… Yeah, I, I… Yeah, but it’s just like creating bounces over as we eat, so this doesn’t always happen, but we have to make sure he’s for a certain… At a certain time, so that we have a… TO JUST… He in so as to get… But that’s important to I… Our kids, I do it as a teacher thing, they’re so seamless now. I know, I know. And honestly, some people don’t even probably realize that some of the things they’ve already instated are about Dr. yeah, one of my girlfriends, who’s been on the podcast in the past, Morgan Hart, who was also a pastor of mine, she and her husband, they have a hard boundary that you don’t enter their bedroom unless you asked or not go…
I was always like, That’s kinda strange. I immediately just sure when I heard that, which is for… But she also has older children, so they’re not tellers which… Right, I was in toddler-based when she… Brindisi was like, Oh yeah, no, I…
I put her kids upper elementary school and now in middle school, and I think I still get changed and from my kids… Well, when they’re in third grade, my son is not hanging out when I’m having a shower, so I totally get it, and I really respect the concept of it, that this is our space to steal that one, we… So it’s a really good one and as needed, especially as they get older, so it’s not a huge deal as when they’re small, but literally, our family probably spends the most time together in our… At intro. Yeah.
Is this so be okay? It’s like to brush time, it’s that time, shower time is… Rush our hair. It’s do whatever I portrayed.
I do, oh, I do a better. And I attest, and it wasn’t awards or rather, we used to be the kitchen, and sometimes I was still spend time in the kitchen. Okay, okay.
I was like, Wait, you had your bathroom in your on and that. Okay, I love you too. She’s not lines of… That’s awesome. But yeah, I don’t know, we just always spend time there, so I can’t imagine that being a role for me, but I really loved it when I heard it for her and as they get older, I really do think it’ll become a more of a safe… Even for me as good… Go to say This one A shared.
I think the other boundaries that I’ve instilled with Mark with my kids, and these are founders, guest, depends on how you look at it, but around food or their health or the screen time could be a boundary.
That is a huge one.
The way that we speak to each other, the words that we love, that the…
I think that there’s so much power in our words, and I even wrote this when we were talking about it when I was doing my devotional this morning, is the boundary around your mouth and what comes out of it, and if we are able to be mindful of what we’re saying, more so than just letting it… Just letting life… We become much more better, less and listening has such power.
So I think that that would be a boundary that I think I can work on in one-on-one on a…
I love that.
I love it because so much because even if you don’t think you have ours, you about were yeah? Sure, you do. It’s just whether or not there are Valdes where there needs to be down were sure.
Because I think that all of us can always use more, I have some real…
I really agree with is, again, it’s not about… Sorry guys, I’m looking at my notes ’cause there was such a good things that came out of my queens or… But it’s not about being like this hard, fast rule that can never ship once, boundaries are also something that may even flow as This is adjust, and so being recognizing other that This is your cultivation. You got this thing, you guys make the plan, our ideas are just simply ideas, and it’s how we are choosing to live and move forward, but there… I think that there are probably a few of the hard fast rules, like you said, The Ten Commandments of how we’re expected to live our lives, how there should be values within our marriage, and we’re spending our time and our energy investment with them.
It’s not stepping out, it’s not the grass screener in the explanation of the marriage bed, and we have a really good conversation, a church recently about sex in marriage and the boundary of obviously the fact that that belongs in your marriage, and doing it prior to what happened when you’re ringing other people into that experience, and so I’m really mindful of how I’m gonna teach my children the boundaries around their sexuality, I Mariner together, but we’ve had experiences prior to and I literally let has been such turmoil in our relationship, and so wanting… None of that, my children, and really having to cultivate conversations even as early as they are now, about what that looks like, it’s really are, and dilly on that sense, it’s really hard because it’s… Again, one of those things in the world, first it can at… Do you… Is fine, big, whatever.
And so you are in the relationship that is supposed to be sanctifying, and I opposed to now just a lot to be all of who God created you to be, that you would see the repercussions of having… Not on that. Yeah, and it’s just a… It’s really a part, it’s a really hard one, and it’s something that I’m just constantly conscious of them in the process of helping and want to share this with you anyway, so I’m asking you now live in front of everyone. So she says Now, I said, Oh yeah.
Does no pressure, as I’m in the process of helping cultivate a girls confines… No, I want you to put… You have got to share all of your competent solar, all of that with these girls, and so I’m seeking now to come and be a speaker, which is gonna be so fun ’cause she’ll be amazing at it, but I am so passionate about this age, Taproot, sixth grade to 12th grade. Yeah, and the starving society that’s been cultivated in their self-work and solo and understanding who they are as children, as daughters of the most talking and really respecting their bodies, we have the example of like what’s being shot and what can she… National experiences that everybody’s watching the Super Bowl, and so within that, how do you cultivate boundaries for your children where they don’t think, Oh, it’s… No, they deal, because if you’re walking around it varicose on your little day Dukes and now the Medrano, all of this or all its showing in all of that, get it. It’s fashion, I own it myself sometimes, but it is… I’m also a woman in the Colonia rige.
Yeah, and I am not choosing to plan my body, I’m choosing to experience it fashion, so I think that there’s a ability that I have to be cognizant of when I walk out of the door, but I can’t let my 13-year-old at the outer… Don’t understand that. Yeah, you just had a nitrate year of the tea.
What I got, I do a… No, I don’t… She’s on my worst saw that people… We picture her and I’m like, No, she’s a 13.
And at the of Baya, I just can’t imagine a gearing… I always have these fictitious conversations of when they’re here, right, what are we gonna do?
And we don’t even know what the world’s gonna look like in eight years from now. Yeah, I was just very… Do I love it to… Or maybe me. Amazing.
And I… So this is a really weird secret, but I feel like it just goes there, I think that that kind of leads us to one… The biggest issues we have is that in herself, I guess women… Absolutely, and not just about modesty reality or any of that stuff, but just bound to these women, and I’m not saying that as are important for men because they are therefore, rebut as women, I think we have to be extra vigilant about… And having our own balasore VES, we’re talking before we started, we… You’re both as lots of feelings happening in lots of different areas, and what are the bounds I struggle with is that I don’t even… What is pride?
So I focus and not I’m important, I need to take care of myself, but letting the battery of our minds on we were wild and that comes into play with our self or I… Letting our minds… I was sent a friend yesterday, you just started in business and following everyone else and seeing their perceived for success and stuff, her mind certain running wild, and she had said The down to, I just need to get off Instagram is like, yeah, the… So I go to them ourselves, what does that look like?
Yeah, ultimately, you are the impression that’s being laid out into the world, no matter if it’s in your home, with your children, with our spouse, with all of these people that I know we are passionate to help… Right, but the infant of the kingdom or the imprint of Jesus, and likely the only option or the only opportunity of light that some people are gonna come in to interact with on a given basis.
I might be the only person that that Cecily person, even though they look at or particulates and a pleasure, I surely know the experience of God, and so for us to be really mindful of the boundaries that we’re setting on our personal capacities that I shouldn’t… If I have not had to…
So if overflow, and if I haven’t had time with Ward, if I haven’t had quite time, if I had not been by myself at some point during the day, by the end of the day, I’m not the best version of my not… And who gets that? A tenant.
It has bands a… That’s really sad.
And so were the person that you place… I’m in a Russian, I’m like kids who I’m trying to live a… Whatever is going on in amounts, coming out by energy that’s now being shared with people is wasted opportunity if I’m not to mindfulness potential. And so for me, that huge part would be expletive of self-care fall, any time with myself, all the times Jesus went in, I’m having time on it is again, you’re kind of concept of solar, remember I can’t do so work on the deep conversations like this, which don’t happen every day, all in, and fortunately, the initial… But you can’t do that.
You can’t do that with other people, that A… And I just wanna say self-care is not always getting your nails, don’t see, He… It is the root there, that’s a… Sure, well, I think that’s very important in a season and a time to make time just to take a real… That like that, that can be very… Having absolutely what we are talking about prayer, recognizing your feelings, ’cause I love to do that with I things have it be… And then it just explodes on crying and I’m on the floor… Yeah, the tour and having that I ring of assessing a listening to what God is saying and what is happening because I… Now you got like pertin the… Yeah, it becomes easier, ’cause again, that you can come on autopilot at that point, but then you’re living out of expectation, what is the next step I should do?
Because you’re expected to do it, and that’s what the next day is, part of the day at a a… Yeah, versus sending a boundary and saying, Now this is what I’m choosing to do, and that this would be a time boundary I… So my time is not everybody, This is my login time and my self-care time comes with in my day, so for me, that time for me is before the sun rises, when my kids are still sleeping, I choose that time for myself, and I go to the gym during that time, I had my fattened that time, sometimes I’m doing business at all and stuff during that hour, I have coffee, pop up myself, these are… These are things that fill me up so that I get a low out at the… Into the day, all day. I can constantly go back and reset myself into that space, and I really love that guy this morning, Tama messaged me before, so A… And I was like, Oh good.
We’re up at the same time doing the same thing. I was so good when Goran said me messages that are always like, What is good right now, because I just… I Aflac at that hour, I’m like, Let’s go and hit ground, if I had a girlfriend that was next door would be like a team, we all have our conversations, I live my best life five in, but seriously, and it’s… It’s so funny because I would listen to devotional in that were like, It’s fine, you do your emotional anti-like days over. Yeah, and while I understand different stores called for different things and give you different opportunities, and I understand that if you have any more, it can be really hard to be like, Sure, I give 5 a true… I get that.
I see time. There’s no better way to started in Jesus, there’s just not… ’cause if I do asserts my kids a more… What do you wanna say? A circle back to that, ’cause I think when you were talking about your going to work and make each re that that’s about orders with our energy is being pulled in one direction, and then there’s not a clear boundary on what we’re accepted during that time, and somebody else tries to come into that interview space to Roy, you can hear our children who need to… No harm.
Yeah, obviously, maybe sometimes, but likely not, you end up providing them like this backlash, and I’m so altogether and cars they think, didn’t they… You’re not trying to mess up your job and that one I temper moment.
So it’s so true for us to be really cognizant of what it is that we’re doing when we’re doing it, and if you do choose to work from home, because there’s a lot of say or moms that work at home, moms, if you will… You being mindful of the energy that you’re providing your children when you’re trying to footwork… Yeah, cause you can really is… That’s not in the boat.
I do it so I… It is a tether.
My days to six months and I went to again, see for questions for… And it wasn’t until a bite that I was like, This is not going… Yeah, as well-intentioned as we meet it and as well as, she’s even taken… And of course, of course, there’s so resilient, so it’s not… It’s just not the other… Wanna be is the kind of woman I wanna be.
Yeah, so yeah, it’s… It’s like you said, you just don’t really realize that that… And I think that that’s where, again, the world allows us to do it in such a way that so in less… Even for marketing, you’re constantly being market in that, and so where’s your boundary on your inputs, and that was something that I was thinking like, Where’s your boundary that you cultivate with your phone, with your social media, went through TV, with your music, those are… Is happening all the time.
And so I have really hard boundaries on my inputs of music within my car when my children are in there specifically, but always, because that’s when my mind races… Yeah, I will literally go into this magical land of whatever is on the rating and I’m like, what just happened, like I need a strict boundaries, and even if it’s Caleb, listen to be thousands.
Yeah, I was in a car. Yeah, on a song, I have to revert my energy and remind myself of the importance of hearing those words versus mindless banter that could be happening on other radiations, so that’s a really good simple thing that people can choose the input of what’s going into the brain in either basis.
Really on that. Music is a big one. I also just went live up TV for a 1005 teen.
I was sitting and watching something like… That’s an example of just like The Bachelor get sorbus that exactly. All of the canines and the E-V-I-L, let’s just be real, it’s all about sex and sexual appeal and a…
I am so stressed out, right on in.
It can be relaxing. So I just re-watch the office all those as… It’s just Stein, and it’s just like, Yeah, it’s clean. Yeah, it is, but I’ll just be like, There’s so much drama and that are at Lake, that is a… Yes, yeah. Would you circle that circle back is at the very beginning, all of these boundaries are to eliminate trauma.
Yes, I, I like on all fronts, what you hear, what you see, what you say, what you don’t say, all of that in your relationships, it’s all to a limit, drama, so that you can live a free life, so you can live a drama and no drama zone. And it seems not possible when you’re so summer in it, and you feel like you’re just treading water through drama 247, but I can tell you, ’cause I live on the other side, I lived on the other side that it is possible, and it is so amazed at it is so amazing, that’s not to say it never seeps in because the Lord knows we live in the world of…
Yeah, but when I stopped watching the A or the bachelor as a perfect example, I was on to my time ’cause I saw somebody that, I guess that he came to Regina Beach and so that was last night? Yeah, the episode be is like my stalk about it. Right was on my social media and one of the girls, it was a burn sister was there, and so I saw a thing and I was like, Oh, I… Cool. And then I reflected the comments and the comments are like, This is garbage, this is trash. She actually gave her a rose can believe all the girls of her day Beach and how they were acting like… I didn’t watch it, so I don’t know, or… But I also didn’t watch the seabl, and I still have heard about him, so I’m learning without needing to to watch the… But I was an avid back to a natural at fan, every single season, every single. So my husband actually would spend time with me in order to watch the show, so he also became a ablation fan, we would like to… Who was gonna go on? Let’s look at say to all that.
Really, really bad. Really catty, but I loved it. And in hindsight, I remember after a year giving up TV, getting up, movies, giving up secular music at have been a year.
I was like, when you sit in lockable time, so I’m serious. So we foresee, then he started it off… Yeah, and we look to each other and I was like, Here, this is the bar which that in for myself, which… See, sure.
And I get this, so many people say that They mindlessly to zone out, right. To TV, but you’re not minutely doing it. I know you is back there, you are not mindlessly doing anything, I don’t care what you’re doing again, even music, even hanging out at the beach, all these things, one of them remind less, and so being credibly, being full of what my list… Crap, you’re putting into your… And I go in spirit.
So it affected me, and I know that that sounds crazy. You’re gonna doing this choice or this cultivation of yourself off of a reality show were… Because it was a deposit into me, just like it would be a deposit into our children if we’re allowing them to watch what is now the day care all to and what that is cultivating in their minds, because it’s not Christian household, it’s not the language that they’re using toward each other, they close it, they’re all of these things line with three arms, really intentionally making our society what is just so it was a… Let a lot of information.
I don’t know, every time we do this, we’re in a little bit in shock afterwards, that it’s a little bit…
I don’t know, I… It’s still surprises.
The male were all out on the table in such a different way than having just a quick add in part to your conversation now.
So yeah, doing this every day would be hard as she would be really hard to…
I wanted to go to… And I want you to go there where beyond Bene talked about in our spiritual lives, our examples biblically, that Jesus himself created in cultivated boundaries.
Oh, I right, I love it. This is really good, and this is why we know the importance of it, and it’s not just for the teens, so what you taste, you can see, this is the first one that came to mind is for you to… To a… What I… In a nest at… And I heard this in a book a while, it was like in for everyone, and that is so hard as a lever to grasp and to really be like, No, I need to get to everyone…
Oh, you can set your that… Yeah, the crowd be pushing in and then we… Or they be headed somewhere, they would go somewhere else in the US to be like very well on… Is people want you to come speak to them where you… He’s like, so he’ll be there. Or I use a Go, I… It was that go.
Or we’re going for passing for it. We’re just passing her. That’s a really good one, and that’s the boundary at this time, that’s the boundary of his energy, and that energy piece for me is huge because I think full… To me at the time, ’cause I’m really good at time management. But in A… And all in my entire do half-way.
Yeah, no, I, I arrondissement… And let me about that you… Were you there the last meeting we bring on the set down, and she was like, You… As this year, we did a…
I know, I want… You have to understand where I came from. This is unspeakable joy because I have literally exerted myself to be a happy… For a decade, I did it.
Yeah, I was a miserable… I… Yeah, amiable inside. And now it’s harder to be baked in that regard, then to just say, I am really tired and I’m gonna do this use for six hours, which is like outside of Tian, it was so much, but I rusted actually so Alltel… Without getting does like I don’t think I ever seen you sit in the same place for that, so this is just really got for me, right. Boreal, these distractions or the kids and involves in there and people are picking and I just sat in a beautiful… So things for that. That’s another one. Rest, rest is huge. And so God from 40 days, Jesus for 40 days was called into the Wales to just sit and be this specifically and always remember in our rest, there will be conflict, and I… His tone at you during that time, because you’re doing something counter-culture to what everyone else… It is telling you there.
Yes, we Eleuthera.
It’s a really hard thing. Those are amazing examples. Other examples is when His priorities of personal car, which is a part of that time, which is a part of that investment into other people, he really prioritizes in her circle, and this goes after relationship in A and not being for everyone, is knowing that the circle of influence that you are providing yourself on a day basis, the austere boundary creator.
Yeah, you can start leaning out the people that aren’t inputting into you in a positive, joyful, all the fruits of the Spirit getting patented way.
So I think that that has a huge boundary example that he provided to us, he also both like the way that he utilizes words, he was a very good example of listening that was not speaking and hearing and talking as a one… But the way that she rests to call people into their own action to… And didn’t just because you set a boundary doesn’t mean somebody’s gonna respond to it the way that you want, and so recognizing that your words have authority and creating a boundary that you aren’t going to hit it yourself from saying something that the Lord would have you set yeah, because you’re trying to be or I… And so calling out the action and other people, which is… It’s almost like a counter-intuitive concept to a boundary, ’cause usually the boundary is brought into yourself where this is like you’re being called out in doing the work of the word or something difficult, but if you don’t say it… You’re breaking a boundary.
Yeah, does that make sense? In a… And I think the really cool thing about that as well, is it sometimes really do a… You the same… Yeah, like good test the one… And he didn’t reach at the wedding, he turned one and to what?
Yeah, and then that was it.
Loving on those people and making their wedding a beautiful enjoys time on all.
I think a lot of times as Christians, we feel like he got… So you must tell the person that sold polling about Jesus Noonan this opportunity, just in a… That the one that I… Yeah, that’s not very much so.
And… And I surely don’t walk around, I like… He is everywhere.
That doesn’t do that.
And all I… And this is weird, I have a lot of chant go to jet clearly set out to Lassiter goes to see… Interact with a lot of people because I was there longer than I usually am timer.
But the kids were playing, it was just a President to say, and we were supposed to go to an all-men and it was closed until a late hour, and so somebody was there that had gone to my previous retreat, and he has up to me and she was like, Hey, introduce me to her, alter introduces me to her grandchildren, having this unifil experience and shelter, I felt had the opportunity because of the time commitment that I had given this woman and just being present with her versus waiting for my friend and sitting with the kids or being on my phone or any of that, I had this incredible opportunity to take our relationship deeper because I…
I got to learn about her in a way that I otherwise feel like I wouldn’t have present had been for them to me, so just being really Liu of where you are, where you’re there, and not allowing to get his input of social media or your phone to do, cause there’s digging all the time and literally in every part.
So, I’m loving this conversation. We’re about out of time.
We’ve talked about every single thing. I didn’t get to say this, which I think is a really great way to close it out, is when establishing boundaries, being a very mindful of the motive behind the boundary, because you could hear this conversation need to twist and turn it and bend it into whatever it is that you now think that you need to do to be the very of Christian or to be that on or to be a better… What… Again, we were literally not doing this as a preaching mechanism at all, it’s sharing our heart, sharing what’s been pressed into us, but you can create boundaries out of Ron motive, and that could be in your relationship, you could create a boundary with somebody saying, I’m not gonna spend time with them, which is something that we talked about.
Because I’m trying to hurt their feelings… Right.
And there’s a very different boundary with the same exact scenario where I can’t spend time with this person, but your motive it is because it sucks my joy, because I become a worst version of myself when I am constantly input within a tiny that they’re providing into my life… And so really, you said checking with your emotions it earlier and understanding what’s happening, understand the why behind rooted behind your boundary, because if you don’t, you are creating a negative example to what is what? How you do it?
In that it eases.
That is all I estate.
Now, one other, and I might drive, I need to be better at that. End up taking over the line and it’s a… Never my intention, but there’s so much… This was a really good one for me.
The more I know the Lord for this on your heart.
We did it, the Warriors conversation on the boundaries.
And so important, and it’s like, it just… You get to live in such abundance with such freedom when you can actually unlock the debt to what they intend for your life.
So I even felt like this morning when I was looking at examples it biblically, whether it be Jesus, whether it is cycles who are imitating Jesus, other parts of the Bible, I really wanna learn that more, I think I’m gonna call my Alto that where more of the feral examples come into play to before, I think that would be a helpful for… And read the book, it… There are how many in a… So I use reference.
I don’t, I Ananya.
Okay, I do need to read that, maybe I’ll couple that as I go through and work, I don’t help you in maybe some… Well, start just ten like, I don’t feel like that was a boundary.
I actually opened up a lot, I can’t… And words in the sense of talking about things that I was like, Oh, a… And I think it’s really good.
Again, not rules is meant to provide freedom, so thank you for being our always… I’m blinders, I the people enjoy it. The in-person experience, ’cause there’s just something better about staring at you read a passage, but sometimes you free I the hand always in the most beautiful frame, right.