Remodeling Your Interior: Relationships, Church and Motherhood Truths – With Dana Che Williams

Here is a motherhood truth you need to know.

Our lives are full of reconstruction – we are a constant construction zone. Every day, in fact, we see warning signs of catastrophes waiting to happen. Heavy machinery being operated even without a license.

Think about it for a minute – Our bodies, our minds, even our spirits – we are still comprehending how we operate and yet we attempt to do so at supersonic speeds and ultimately we want the exterior to be picture-perfect, just like the starting magazine clipping we are getting our influence from for our renovation or remodel.

We delicately pick out all of the fine details, all the way down to the style of the trim and crown molding…meanwhile…have we figured out HOW we are going to pay for it, HOW it’s going to blend with the rest of the choices, HOW we are even going to like it 5, 10, 20 years from now.

Do we take the same caution, time, and precision with our hearts or with raising our children or growing our marriages? Let alone the conversation around how delicately we design our spiritual lives…

I’m tired of living in the chaos of a construction zone…and I think today’s guest is too. In fact, I know she is. And I so love that this concept so beautifully weaved through the entire message about motherhood. I want to stop trying to take the reigns and title of the general contractor and let God do the construction in my life.

God…may our lives be designed in your will and your way, in your timing and your architectural plan…may we recognize the caution signs and not just slap on an exterior fix, but instead take the time to carefully construct the foundations of our lives.

motherhood

Connect with her here:

https://www.facebook.com/danachewilliams
https://www.facebook.com/therealrelationshiptalk/

Show Notes: Motherhood Truths

I…

Hey, my name is camera Andres, I’m your fine podcast, so and I am pumped to be here, just me, no words, no scripts, no incurs, no altos. I love authenticity, I hope to breed vulnerability, and I usually do this alongside another Dreamer, mover shaker entrepreneur, passion is A… Is what I love to call them, if you’re a dude in a dude, but I am loving just coming together in community with other people to share their high and low stories, to share their journeys to come back, because I believe ultimately that’s for God would have us we would have us on the mountain top, and even though we learn as fun in the pit and in the valley, got out a on us right now, especially in this season of life and this time of our culture to shine. And so here I am, I want to teach you how to shine, I wanna be alongside you when you get your glow, I wanna catapulting your calling, whatever that is. So this isn’t a fitness podcast, this is not a religious banter that we preach Jesus all day long, and this is not just about nutrition or health or well, no, I lack some green… And I know you do too, it’s not okay for us to not be okay, was talking about all of these things in music, you guys, we don’t miss… Need a mental health podcast, we don’t just need a fitness podcast, we don’t just need a religious spiritual podcast, it needs to live.

This is what a big is all about, it’s all about creating alignment from native, it’s about pursuing your wholeness and laying it over your life and over the live to love one that you have around you in your… So thank you for tuning in. I would love to get to know anymore, you can review, subscribe, whatever it is, send me a email. Do at me.

It’s me, I have an amazing team alongside me, but you guys are getting meet for now, so enjoy, I’m… So coming to have a copy conversation with you is what I’d love to call up, don’t have my coffee right now, but I have it in my system as you can see, all of the… Let’s see this together and keep going for your… Great, got.

So welcome, you guys got a 10 time into a conversation that we were having, but this is Episode 26, so now if I hit podcast, we have been license, March, so it’s cool to see a continual at an About husband the other day. I’m like, You know, this is so cool, the consistency of… This is the fruit. I can see the fruit as I remain consistent, and I had no idea what the intent was of the podcast when I first started as far his duration, and I can’t imagine not doing it ’cause it’s such a fun quality time of dedicated intent to just be with people, and hopefully share. So I sit some goods, the good news with others, so it’s been fun, but I…

I’m excited to introduce you to a Danish Williams. If you don’t know her, which she’s a new friend of mine, there’s lots to learn, and it’s been really cool getting to know her over the course of the past few weeks. She’s a speaker, a writer, a pastor, a mom, a wife, a visionary, a dreamer, and she’s gonna share some of that insight on what that looks like today. So yeah, I’m just really thankful to… Happy here. Thank you for having me as fun as an… Excited. Yeah, is not really good. So I know, I don’t even know where to start. This is always the best… Where… Should we jump in? Right.

We were talking about her name, which I think is really fun, so I was like, Do I introduce you with this middle piece and she’s like, Yes, she is a part of me, so I share where that came from, how that evolved, and I’ll tell you a touch point of how it’s like that for me to… Absolutely, so a Stamos. So I’m saying to Sheila, and so the she CHE is version of my middle name, which is rich, I… So when I was growing up, I had an odd that just would call me Danish, and so my main name was brown, my married name is Williams, and so it’s like boring, boring. And so when I was writing my first book, I was like, What should I write under… Like, I don’t want a boring name, and unless there’s a very famous author, Dan Brown, and I was like, I don’t want people… I wouldn’t be upset if they confused me with… But I was just trying to think of what could be… What could stand out? And so I landed on Danish in… I love that, so I wanted to do the same thing with the pennant. I haven’t officially published my book, yeah, so I technically could still do it, but I really contemplated even with my business just doing it under Tamale and LE is my middle name, and I’ve always loved Lee and Tamara is Aly not normal is kind of rare, but now a lot, especially when you spell it through… Yeah, that TAM or right for… In just a way, a thing, just in a re… Yeah, I really… Which by the way, thanks mom, she couldn’t quite figure out what my name was gonna be, she decided a week before I was born via, the price is right, so I… In A… And she’s like, That’s it, that’s it.

The Lord speak some mysterious way that SaaS born for something. A TV show has to something, but yeah, so I really… As I was kind of deciding it was kind of a part of many identity crisis, I kinda felt it was a corn. Well, my whole life, and I really always thought I would keep that name because it was so rooted in who I was, and my family is huge, and we were all very family-oriented, love my family, and you even considered, Oh, I’m not gonna take his name, or I’m gonna have my last name as my middle name, so I don’t lose that part of myself, your name doesn’t really identify who you are at all, at the end of the day, I think their biggest name is that we’re a daughters of the King, but in my trivial time of trying to comprehend who I was before knowing who I was in the Lord, I had a really or time deciding my name, it was just a really weird… I don’t know if other people walk through that experience either when they get married, mine was like years after, even though I decided when I got married to take His name to… I love to leave, so I didn’t drop corner, I just dropped Cornwell. But this to this day, I now own a dress in such a different way than I ever did, and I think it’s because my husband and I have been so reunited in our marriage that it’s such like power. Yeah, is the… Because we… In that in versus me. Like taking it a different way.

Yeah, I think names are so interesting. Yeah, it’s so interesting, you were talking about that because I did keep my maiden name… Okay, and the reason is because I got married at 18, literally one month after my 18th birthday and we had a son, he was fixed a goal, so my thing was, I just didn’t wanna be in farm fresh with my little infant, and people think of a single mom?

Yeah, I don’t even know. inmate, no sense to… No one’s gonna actually read my ID when I show them my idea, it was just the thought of, I wanna be legit, I want people to know, but my maiden name… Yeah, I am a married woman and still attic, but the funny thing is on all of my legal paperwork for a school for pretty much everywhere, everyone write staying a… Sure. William, the anstey, don’t even… Yeah, so ground has just, I like evaporated, so I thought about legally changing my name… Sure, because everyone… No wonder anyway. Yeah, no one knows me is staying Brown William. Yeah, well, now… That is my driver. So many years you’ve been there. Yeah, a core is a longer married and Ali and unmarried at all right.

That cry. Do you remember hitting the 18 year and being like, Oh my gosh, we’ve been together. Half of my life. I do, I do. And actually, I remember that a little… ’cause we’ve been together since I was 14. so I remember when I was in my early 30s being like, Oh my gosh, I had been with him more than half of my life, and so we grew up together, it’s just been a really neat experience, so… Great, yeah, yeah.

As more so guys met at 14 high school or… Well, we actually met when… I don’t even know, I was like, I just remember him when I was about five years old in the same church, so it was my sister’s friend, my sisters for was older than me, and so that was just some boy that was in our class, I didn’t… His fame went to our church and we all knew each other, ’cause it was small church. Yeah, but then fast forward to when I was in high school, I had skipped a grade. So I was in 10th grade, but I was 14, and we went to a small Christian school, whether it weren’t many brown people there, and so all of my friends were like, You guys, you date a… And so we ran in the same circles and stuff like that, and I was like, Oh, that’s my sister’s friend, You know, that’s actually funny, I have to be honest, my sister and I actually used to date and I could not take it at that’s so… But, but you know, when you’re in high school, you’re…

I have a passing. No, so hanging out on the couch, watching whatever show I was at sea… Sure.

But even still, I was like, That’s my sister in. And so I don’t know what happened that second part of my sophomore year, it was like, Oh, we started hanging out in a different way… Yeah, we just been together and as a pool, it’s so while that… It’s been that long. I think that as I E together for going on 11 years, including dating and married life, and I hadn’t hit that like halfway mark, but I actually knew his brother and was friends with his brother for seven years before, and we have a pool or rather… Well, so it’s crazy that God used or sibling a scenario, I feel like if people could zoom back from their lives, they would see connectivity points that they would have never even realized, so a good thing I didn’t date as younger brother because that probably would have been awkward. Yeah, I, I don’t know, it would have been different, but I didn’t at all of his brother’s friends, so… That’s so funny.

Yeah, so those are my high school days, right. Yeah, what is dating the point… Now, I asked my sister, I was like, do… Do you cite a girl by like… So I, I, I, one, I like that.

It was not even… That’s so cool. Yeah, that’s awesome.

You guys have how many babies now you have four… Yes, and they’re not babies. They are… Oh my God, they’re 20. my son actually, he moved out, my oldest moved out, but he came over last night, and that’s just been a whole other experience, parenting, a real adult was not living with you in a Latino… 2017, 12.Yeah, yeah, the 20-year-old, I could imagine. You still want rains on their safety in there, what they’re doing in their decision… Yeah, no, that… Oh no, he’s making a major life decision right now concerning his career that I’m like, I’m praying for him speaking both my husband and I were speaking into that decision, but he’s already got his mind made up that he wants to do what he feels is best for him… And so at the end of the day, we told him, We believe in you, we support you, you’re gonna kill it in… Regardless of what you do, yeah.

And I truly do believe that.

And I told him, I said, This is your life, you have to live your life, and I don’t want to live your life for you, but I still am here to offer you guidance, and so that’s been the tricky part, is knowing that your role switches, you’re not there to say, This is what you’re gonna do. This is why they are really just a kind of advice. Yeah, and eat and even like them in coming to you for that device is a huge thing. Oh, that means a lot. I mean, because I’m gonna to just six months ago when he was living with us, he would have never done that.

Right, he would have never done it.

I can attest to that being like, Oh, I’m a free where I can do this on my… Let me show you kind of thing in having that is most be like, Oh, I probably should have asked for some discernment ’cause I had no discernment, I just was like, Oh, this feels good. Let’s go.

It’s all you, that looks good, let’s do that.

And I don’t think I was always just on auto pilot, I don’t think I really analyzed things the way that I should have and now… Everything is this in line with, this is this Ananias, this affect this person. How does this affect this person? And I’m thankful for it, it might sound like micromanaging, but it is so much more wise that way, and what comes out of those decisions is so much more fruitful, I-I… So I think it’s definitely a wisdom thing, it’s an age thing, but for him to do that at 20… That’s awesome, right? And then for us to reinforce the values that we’ve taught him all these years, I told him, I said There’s a way that things write into a man, but in the end, at least to death, and so there’s… Our idea of what scenes right isn’t always what is right. So I’m like, Have you prayed about it?

I’m the time when I’m making a major decision, I have my pros and cons.

Right, but then I’m like, Lord, what do you want? And I told him last night, I said, Chris is his name. I said, You know, Chris, you can do the right thing and the wrong season, so and so, so I use… And so seeing that stick again, when he was living with us, it was just like on, walk on, on an A, but now for that freedom flag, so not… Yeah, but I think he’s more mature. And he really takes in what we say now, which is like… Yeah, it’s really good.

I feel like we have a way better relationship with him not living with us now than we do what he was not… Yeah, so in that every mom’s tree obviously be great if they would like you and they were there the… Got some times that’s just… To me that it is, I’m learning about the six-year-old, but in a long time with me that I… Right, so exactly.

Still try to navigate our emotions in our household, and learning like, This is how you feel, but the reason you feel this way is because you’re not communicating how you feel, so don’t get frustrated, let’s learn to talk through your emotion and feel it and want you to feel it, but you have to be able to talk through it otherwise, you’re just bottling it up, and then it comes out as anger. Which there’s a reason for that too.

Yeah, so it’s very interesting.

So you got your 20-year-old and then… Boy again, boy. So it’s blowing girl. Boy, boy. Okay, okay. Oh yeah, only one girl that I… How is that for her?

She can hold her own… Let me tell you she came out of this or have I told you my harbor in the car story?

No.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, this little girl was a ready to go, she was like, I have things to do, I’m coming to… Oh my God. So yeah, on the way to the hospital. Oh, not even. So I love telling the story. So I was… All of my kids are born about seven… Eight days early. Okay, I… It was about, I think it was day eight. Let’s change to an eight day.

And I had a doctor’s appointment that day, 12 o’clock never forget. I went to Chester General and I’m forced animates dilated, but I wasn’t in horrible Labors, they will admit you for enemy, but you have to be an active later, and so I was still having very irregular contraction, and so my doctor is like, Oh, you’ll probably have a later in the week, you say, fine, so we go across the street to IO to eat, and so we’re sitting there me, my husband, son and Chris Chris as to your… At the time, and so we’re eating and I’m really starting to feel uncomfortable, more uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t classify it as labor… Sure, so I’m going to work that day and everything dressed and everything, and working to… And so I told Sean, I’m like, Can you just take me home? I just wanted to take a nap before I go to work, he’s like, No, I think I wanna keep you with me, best decision.

He is a right.

I was like, I’m gonna keep you with me, so we go to my mother-in-law’s house and he’s outside, cut in her yard, and it was like as soon as we walked into the threshold of my mother-in-law’s house, my contractions went from ten regular… All of her place to six minutes of or… And then it was like four minutes I… And then every four minutes for, I don’t know, a couple of cycles, and then it was like two minutes, and I’m like… So I think about that to have the baby, so I go outside and I’m like, So we gotta go with doing up and most men are like, Oh yeah, I’ll be right there.

Is that a child had felt… Comes in to… He’s still cutting the grass, still cutting the grass, and I’m like, I am about to have this baby, so I go to run to the front door to tell them we have to go in a water breaks, and I’m like, Oh, he shot…

I know she is coming. I could feel or come… Yeah, you’re in… So the only thing I saw was my mother-in-law’s couch, and I was like, I have to get over to the couch, and so he finally comes in the house and he’s like, What are you doing? I’m like, I have to go on the couch. She’s like, No, no, no, no, no. Let’s get in the car. I’m like, We’re not gonna… I knew we were not gonna make it, and you know, God, we ate in our bodies to know what to do, I like… Yeah, I love… He’s trying to suck her in and that’s just… You’re not gonna win that fight.

So I’m like freaking out Chris in the back seat in his car seat. And my mother-in-law lives in Deep Creek. There’s a fire station that’s maybe two minutes away in the house… Okay, so songs on the phone, calling 911 back, my wife on labor, I’m going to the fire station and I’m like, interstate, what are they gonna do? I didn’t know that they were trained. emts was… Were so on the way to the fire station? Not to be graphic, but she is coming, and so I mean, as much as I can and shot in the Irish won’t follow a floor, and so I pulled on her and she is out. So we pulled up to the biotin and I didn’t want a lot…

Oh, I don’t think I had the cutest thing, Chris is sitting in the back and he leans up and goes, Ooh, at The Bee, the one…

I don’t get a…

I see everyone, I don’t wanna look… ’cause I didn’t know she was on the floor, I didn’t know what to say.

And so they came out cut or core torn side, I’m literally on George Washington High with the…

I know I… The… The state, she was born… To show you how fast it was, my doctor’s appointment was at 12, she was born at 251.So he is a… A lot happens on your time, right, so everyone’s like in my pictures or like you a great for just don’t estate or just a Tree clothes, and that’s all I do, a… It was crazy, it that… So that is her personality. She is like, I have stuff to do. I got waiting around.

She can… Very much older. I love that your other kids, were they born in the hospital, did you go like the moment you felt anything… Yeah, so the third… So Cory was born in the hospital, but not with the doctor, he came before, and so his nurse literally caught him as he was about to fall on the floor, they didn’t even break the bed down. So from that point, I got put on the rapid birth list. A lady is a main self, you have another baby, you have to come as soon as you feel your first contraction. Yeah, so what do I do?

Fourth, baby, call it A…

I mean, praise the worship at church is so good. I was like, I don’t wanna leave. I’m in full labor. Okay, I’m like, Mark in my contractions on the church, bullet A-And so like you have to go. It’s time to go. I’m like, What more? So it so… Oh my gosh. And so I get to the hospital with him and he’s born like three hours later, the… So, so you have to be more just to rely on that, so now all of them are completely natural, all of them completely natural. No drugs for anyone.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, what’s so Chris? I was young, I was on a team, I had his… And so I am definitely afraid of needles. So it’s not even like I want this whole healthy thing is… I’m afraid of that, yeah.

The Glenora that I saw in a massless, and so I remember being the lamas and our instructor showed us the epidural needle and I was like, I’m not not a good A… So whatever I have to do to not get that… And his labor was long, was started labor with him at 6 o’clock in the morning, he wasn’t born until 90, that 9. and so at that point, I’m like, Give me something like I just… But I had told my family, yeah, no matter what I say, to not let me get the epidural that told them this a couple of weeks before statistic to it and you’re helpless. Yeah, there’s nothing I can do other than scream a threatened them. But they were like, No, you said Remember you so, you know we… At a certain point, I E to man, he ain’t playing like, Oh, ’cause not only was I an crazy labor, but I had Potosi with Christa per, which is just of the dome or… Oh my God.

So here, this young mom, not having experienced labor before with photos and nothing to help me, like This is the worst in my life, my God, I was like, I’m gonna jump off the… I was saying all kinds of crazy stuff, I go jump out of the window, I’m gonna kill all of you…

I was just so angry.

And so, yeah, and I think that was in the back of my mind when I was having class, so I didn’t have to too obviously at her, so I was like, This hurts, but it doesn’t have like the same… Yeah, yeah, and then I just have a really high pain or… Cause I think a, that’s an… I did the opposite where I wanted it to be, I wanna be all natural, I can do this, it was called a badge of honor, where I was like, I’m gonna do this because I want to… And we’re really a holistic people for the most part anyway, but not nearly as much as we are now then and now, but I was throwing up every contraction was my great story, every single contraction in my kitchen sink, just every single… He’s like, We gotta go in through in the call, this is not gonna be okay. So on top of the pain and sitting back like this, ’cause I couldn’t sit regular ’cause I hurt, so that I had a bar bag with me, I think my house like…

It’s okay, you’re not gonna get sick, you’re not gonna get sides had… They don’t give me the bar back, so I actually get into the hospital for Intan and I end up being all over the reception desk because I didn’t have anything, and I told him I’m open to get sick. They’re asking for ID, I’m like, I need something, and I was like, Oh well, the area is told of… And they were like, Well, even the nurses responded like a lot of it…

I get to triage. So I was in there and I was like, I’m good and I don’t want it, I don’t want it to go throwing up, throwing out the fine when they were like, You probably need an epidural because they will help with just… So friend or whatever, and like I think I’m good. I think I want that thing because I avalanche there was an hour and a half wait.

It’s sort of the epidural, because the doctor was the paternal person was in the soloist was in another surgery. Okay, and so they were like, You’re gonna hate it. So I was Scream and throw in, ough.

It’s great, that is a… It is the worst time of your life as far as just… There’s Melanesian, I reworking. And being like, what is it look like? Is it Blood is like, Don’t put… No, it’s… Cause you just felt like a holding…

I was a crazy thing. Yeah, the funny thing is, when I think of labor, and I think actually for my editions job at friends the other day, I got to call someone in there, they’re rolling their son while their third baby was being born, and they called and they were like… We’re actually on being right now, and I was so giddy because that is my favorite part of pregnancy, I wanna hear the first story, I wanna know… I wanna have another baby.

Just have a our story because we just have a is the best, most beautiful thing, even though it’s crazy, traumatic, I just… I wanna at the core, and I want my husband like to see my husband and that new daddy the…

I just love every bar part of it, I… When I actually had the treasure to photograph a couple of my sisters being during the newborn component, and I in there with my latest nephew, and it was just the most wildest thing… Why? I love it.

At some point when I was working the maternity world, considered being… Getting my dual certification… Oh, we ethnography simultaneously. I never ended up doing it, but I love it. That one welcome. That’s hilarious. Yes, no, I don’t like bodily fluids, and so I remember telling my mom when I was praying with my first, I’m like, If they bring that cheesy guy Bader to me, I’m gonna be like, You need to wipe it off, and she’s like, There’s no way to… When you have your… You’re just to tell you, I promise you, when they tried to put him up on me, I was like to the same… So the thing there I do, and then they don’t do that. They don’t give the baby a bath at all for the first 24 hours… Oh, I did not know that. So they might wipe up with a towel and get all that off, but they don’t… Better as something about that being on top of the Tait makes sense, they’re coming out of like men and water for nine months, so you probably don’t even like to… So on in a… The best thing, but I don’t think they do that. I think it’s just usually water, but… Yeah, so now it’s a whole… You do see the gun come in other years… See, I think that may have been part of the reason. I don’t wanna look at a cause I…

I even think my kids make fun of me, I do this, but they’re so I…

I can’t… You’re gonna have to wait. Something I get home because I can’t clean that up. I have this thing with bodily fluids, and so I would not last a second Leiter, no one told me You should be like a midwife for like a dual… And I was like, I would… If I didn’t have to be in there for the deer, I want to encourage them and pray for them and you want a anteater year? Exactly. So, I’m so awesome at first stories in tooth conversation, it’s so funny. So now they’re older, but now we’re in all of that, has your faith come into play from mothering perspective, and I want to hear about your book and pastoring a church in all the things… The Tate, it is. That’s a lot of question. It is, you know, because I had children so young by the time I was 20, I had two kids, and so I think that there was a part of that that I just always… I was always trying to do everything by the book. I still, in that way, I’m very much a rule follower, I love rules the great, but I put so much pressure on myself as a young mom, and so I think what that did is it caused a lot of anger in me. I was angry at myself, I was angry at the world. My husband and I had a horrible marriage at that time in our marriage, and I was just angry a lot now on the outside, I wasn’t walking around Magill, boiling inside and the slightest things would just set me on it, and so I was actually just looking at we’re having our bathroom remodeled, and so everything is everywhere right now.

I was in my dining room having my devotions this morning, ’cause I couldn’t be in my room ’cause there’s contractors in my room, and so there’s an old family photo that we have and it’s sitting on the floor ’cause I’ve been needing to change it out for two years, but it’s been sitting on the floor for two years in… Anyway, I just happened to look at that photo and I’m looking at my daughter, who was probably five at the time, we just had a quarry, a cot was a baby in that picture, and then Chris was like eight.

Yeah, and I remember being such an angry mom during those stages, and I’ve literally tiered up, I just had so much free because I was just so full of frustration and never feeling like I was doing a good enough job, and then having these marriage struggles and not… Being where I wanted to be in life, and just all of these things kind of converging, and I think the thing that really helped was I read a book, bugle and barnacle, she’s gonna blow real help for mom’s dealing with anger and I…

I E, I preached that book to everybody, I… Hold me tremendously.

I didn’t realize that there were things that I had experienced in childhood that if those things an address, they don’t just go away. And I was a Christian, but those things were still there and they were just brimming under the surface, and so this book kinda talks about like a volcano, there’s all this activity going on underneath the surface, and then… Boom, it just erupt.

Absolutely, and that was kind of what I had been experiencing. And so I walked for many of years just falling into… And I never hit my kids at the angles, thank God, but I was at Geller and my tongue is shark, and this is how the enemy will play on that because my time as a weapon for the Lord, God has given me a gift to communicate to spec and so, because God has given me that gift, the enemy is gonna… Exactly, he’s gonna come and try to revert that not is at… And so when I see I can be my Tongan cut, and I would know… Let me tell you, Ammon even know if I’ve ever explained it in this detail, but I would know exactly what to say a surgeon with precision. I know exactly what to say to cut you to the point where I need you to be cut in a… And it was awful. It was ugly. I even was saying that I would never call my kids out of their name, I never told them they were stupid, none of that stuff, it was just very Evita Morse in my tone, like if they would do something that was… I could get this very angry tone.

Yeah, and so I have a lot of regret because of that, and just this morning, I just really felt the Lord saying, data, that is not who you are. I have forgiven you. You have to start, even to this very day, you’ve got to stop thinking about like, Oh, I wish I could go back and change, I wish I could have been a half your mom in those years, and I do wish that. But I can’t beat myself up for that. Sure, and absolutely.

And just giving that wisdom to one, to your daughter one day when she becomes a mom and then to you’re always wise and allowing them the same grace in your testimony to say This is where I was, and being able to guide them through that in a…

I think that that’s often how it feels, that if you don’t have freedom in the Lord, you don’t have freedom in motherhood, you can’t… And whether you feel like or you portray it is, you have it all together, and of course, with our outward extrinsic world, that often is what we see in like, Oh my gosh, she has them all dress perfectly, she matches them.

All tanuki ticking done.

I like, how are they doing it? Right, so good. I didn’t even think about that, and it’s a… And so we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. And when you were young at that time with the kids, you didn’t have all of that, we still have those emotions regardless of what’s happening externally, because there’s so much internal change happening, desire, like you said, you being so young, none of your friends had kids, so you’re watching them go to college, start their jobs, and you have two kids at home with an unhappy husband, and you’re like, Why am I in state Aly?

And still believing in the Lord. And so at what point… Where is there this shift in your relationship with your husband that you and John were able to say, Let’s get a grip on this, and was it before your third baby or… Yeah, so I will say, honestly, I think there was a season where my focus was so much on my marriage, I…

I was consumed with making my marriage work when I was reading all the books and I was trying to get him to go to church, and he didn’t really wanna go to church at times, and he didn’t wanna read the book and he didn’t wanna go to the conferences, and it was just consuming me, and that feels even more of my anger in the I…

I didn’t want a divorce them… I didn’t believe in divorce, and I was just like, I’m just miserable, I was just so miserable. And the Lord used that to show me that I had made my husband and idol, I had made my marriage and idle and… And so God called me back to him, I had a season of walking away from the Lord from my late teens to the time I was about 20, 21 years old, and so at that point though, I don’t… Lay had the two kids, and so God used a lot of that to bring me back to him and to let me know that no matter how great your husband is or he will be called, he will never be able to be your guide, nor should he further small, most of you don’t want to be your guy… Yeah, so much free or hesitant to… That’s not the place for our husbands be on, and so when I re-dedicated my life to… Or I just jumped in feet first. And I was like, Jesus, you are it for me, I pray that you say this man and he gets himself together, but if he doesn’t… To me and you. Yeah, and so that helped me a lot as I started learning about my identity, as I started learning about who I am in Christ, and I have been raised in a very evangelical Bible believing church… Okay, but lack the teachings of the Holy Spirit, and so I didn’t know about identity and who I was and what the Holy Spirit’s role in my life was, I didn’t know any of that.

And so during this point I was going to more of a holy spirit-filled church, and so I started learning about the ministry gifts of the Spirit, and that you…

God wasn’t just a savior, Jesus wasn’t just my Savior, but there is a Holy Spirit who wants to be my comforter.

I advocate my friend, all of those things, and so I just, like I said, jumped feet first in and I really started just immersing myself in the word, and whether my husband came to church or not, I didn’t care.

I was at where I wanna be in God, or God wants me to be right, and I would still pray for him, but they definitely stopped trying to be His Holy Spirit, ’cause I spent many years doing that.

If we were in church and I was taking notes, I look over to see if he was taking notes. If he wasn’t, I was like, Oh yeah, sure. Or I feel like, So what did you get out of the message and I didn’t really wanna know what you got, I want to tell him what he should have gotten out it… And so on this for you… That’s right. Elastin you to tell you?

Yeah, and then my mom one day with her wonderful cell said at a First Peter Three like, Yeah, there’s a scripture that says that the high one may be one over without a word, and I’m like, That wasn’t written for the… Or is told me that I need… Worsted, I think that the changing point for me was when I took my focus off of him and all the scenes, all of my disappointments, all of my regrets, I just took my focus off of that and I was like, Lord, where you have me now, is where I’m supposed to be and I just wanna grow in you, I wanna learn about you, I want to be more like you.

And so he, of course, when you pray that as a dangerous terrig, he had a hat.

He’s like, You wanna be like me. Really? To me, so you really are, and then you see who you really are and light of who He is, and that revelation can either drive you closer to the Lord or it can drive you away from him, a God that drove me closer to him and I started seeing all of my junk and I was like, Lord, I don’t want this, I don’t wanna be angry, I don’t wanna be judgment, so I don’t wanna be unforgiving, I don’t want to be those things, and I do not have the power to change myself. Yeah, I need you to be able to change me.

And so he did, and he has him, he still is. Yes. Oh yeah, that is a work on coming, this makes me so happy whenever I see that for people to grasp hold is that because that air of perfectionism that can come along side Christian rare like, Oh, they think they’re perfect. And it’s like, No, we’re the worst, because we’re the ones raising our hand and saying that we are perfect at a real… Don’t have it. And the people who aren’t able to get to that place yet, that’s the place of not being able to submit, and honestly, at the end of the day, if we could all just get on our knees, we would all be on the equal plane… Got, instead of the people trying to post to this higher flat for, or the people who are in so much saying that they can’t even get to their knees ’cause they’re just flat out in some sort of regret or shame or guilt, and it’s like, it’s a…

This is… That’s where my heart breaks, and I prayed that prayer, God, let my heart break for what, how gorbals or the world, and also let me see through your eyes of hope that is in this world, it’s road, because it is through my own testimony, through the words that you’re sharing, there is so much hope, but it doesn’t come because we are in this place of any sort of perfection is… It is so far from that. Oh yeah, and continual, just again, grace as we become more like Him, and that isn’t ever gonna happen, or heaven will be like Jesus, will be next to it with him, but I just feel like it’s a constant state of submission that comes in relationships as well, and if you can practice it in relationships, I had to force… In my relationship with my husband, because I was always right.

I would… I was always… Again, I was the one speaking, how do you feel holding… Let me tell you how you feel you should feel this way, or making decisions, I was the first to make the decision and that it was that way or no way… Unintentionally, I think for a lot of it, not in a state of ownership, but just the subconscious of…

I’m right, and to the point when we first started dating, we would be around my family, and so much so that people would call us out, you guys are always fighting about who’s right in a loving way, we’re always like, No, that’s not right. No, that that’s right. And this is when in iPhones were just coming out, ’cause it was right after my Blackberry transition, I’m aging myself, and we would say like very right, I… Even real numbers in the… We would say like Mongo, I’m Googling it.

So we would google each other all the time, and the kid table, we’d be talking… I don’t think that’s right. And we would come, somebody would come back and like, Well, actually did it in that… And we still loved each other through it was never a place of her or, hey, but yet Simmer is right. Even without you realizing in your… And when I came to know the Lord, it was a huge place where Gary was in a constant space of one and respect, and he didn’t ever say like, I want you to respect me, if anything, he would just admire the way other relationships were that were in the Lord and be like, I love how she respects it and say those things and it red… The one honestly is like… Did you think it was…

I immediately took that, and I honestly think he was just the heart that he has, he was just vocalizing something that he saw that he like… Yeah, but of course, immediately I took it on as a blanket of shaming like, Oh, you don’t think I respect you. What are you talking about? But in that same moment, I always feel like there’s a space for us to reflect when we have that emotion and that’s our immediate response, that likely means that there’s room to grow, and so for us to say, Okay, if that’s what he likes, that he’s not earning that and the same, he’s not feeling like he has that it’d be different if he was like, That’s awesome. That she respects him. It just reminds us so much of our relationship… No, that’s a… That’s a ways now, I… So it became this place of desire for me to learn the concept of respect in your husband and allowing him to take the head of the household and allowing Him to guide our family and lead our family has got intended for him to do. And we’re so incredibly matched and purpose in our relationship, and yet we never knew how to give up the reins that God wanted us to in order for God to direct that a intellect are the spiritual head of the family.

So it’s been a beautiful transition, watching him grow in the Lord, even when it’s not the same pace as I am, it’s a different… It’s just different.

We don’t pray the same way, we don’t desire the same things in our face, we just want God to be first, and I think that it’s really important for us to understand as is his mother as his friends, the way we have a relationship with the Lord is not the way that our sisters are gonna have a relationship with the Lord. Right, so as I walk into this experience of having my retreat coming up this week, I’m so excited. Yeah, I’ve just been in such a prayerful and grateful spirit of thinking like I want to guide them into knowing you, and I want them to have this relationship for themselves, not because they see me in a relationship with you, but because they see you in me, and so it’s gonna be, it’s just interesting for us to just take a step back, ’cause we’re like in our own marriages and in her own… Every relationship that we have, and it’s not about, what are you writing down? Did you get what I got? I hope you didn’t get what I got ’cause I wanna learn what you got is… Right. You got something different. Yeah, and that’s the way how the Bible is so powerful, cause you can read a Scripture and they can read a Scripture and it means something totally different, it doesn’t mean it to roll, it’s what God saying to them, and we can pull things out of context and we can play with the words and when it’s not under the whole experience guidance, absolutely, we can decide for something that’s wrong, but I think that if you’re in the word and you’re in the spirit and you’re born in or in Christian, the words that you’re reading are meant for you, and they’re meant to share, but maybe it doesn’t have the same message for every single person, that’s what I need more pastors, we need more people speaking out in their face…

Well, that’s why the Bible is timeless too, is the number one best seller for God… No, 70 years. And it’s because we can read the same book, we ourselves, we can have in my Bible, scriptures highlighted and underlined that I’m like, I have never singing that before, so now, six on your difference and I’m like, clearly, I have seen it ’cause I’ve highlighted it, but God is able to speak to us in different seasons, in different ways, and so it’s understanding that our relationship with God is just so dynamic, it’s not… That’s why when people speaking like the Bible is boring or I don’t get anything out of it, I’m like, Do you know Jesus? Because if you know Him, the Bible says that, first of all, we need the Holy Spirit to illuminate his word to us, but if you know him, I can’t give enough on the Bible, I feel like I’m like sneak one in the Quinta. Me like, Yeah, I can’t get enough of it. Because God’s word is alive and it’s powerful, matter fact, so I told you we’re having a bathroom remodel to our house is like a construction zone right now, so… But it’s given us the opportunity to like clean out our class a, clean out under the bit, clean out all these areas, A… And so I found this old journal, which I don’t know, but I love finding a journal like this is me from 2000 for… This is what I was thinking about, and I found this poem that I had written on the word of God, and I was like, This is something stuff. Yeah, I need to publish this a… But I was talking about how the word of God, I was like, it cuts, but He heals.

It ranks, but it means it… It was like all of these differences and what the work does, and then I was like… At the end, it was like… What was the last three lines were like I… Something, the word, I lived the word, I love the word. It was so not of good it. All right, I soon when I go another just like three to… But it’s so true, it’s like I… It’s been my driving force. So I don’t make decisions just haphazardly. I’m like, Lord, what do you say about this? What do you think about this now?

And then I go through the work, there’s so much wisdom in there, and that’s not dietetics. People always like, Well, how do you hear from God? Or how do you have a relationship? If it’s just I never hear from him, there’s no response, so there’s no relationship, and there is so many different capacities, and I was listening to… I listened to my books on tape because I would love to hold a book, I just don’t have the time with the babbit, and so it’s playing with fire by Bianca speed, and she’s talking about the different get things of the spirit and how we can actually learn and hear from the Lord, and that there are tears and they’re here and there are of feelers, and I thought that that was a good way of breaking it down for somebody who doesn’t understand prophetic versus… What’s the other one? We’re like, You can set visionaries or apostles and things like that, and I was just like, That’s so true, because I think people think that it’s… I don’t know. A practice thing.

It is practice as you hone in on hearing from God, he’ll come forth more, but just like in education where there’s visual learners versus analytical people versus practical hands-on, it’s the same way with God, he teaches and he speaks just the way that you need him to… And my favorite thing is, is in the concept of dream, and I can see visions via when I’m sleeping or when I’m praying, and it just like I can see it happening to the point where I know what you’re wearing, and it’s just the most beautiful experience of a conversation with the Lord, He’s not audibly. Speaking to me is on a row, I…

I, I, I don’t know what is positive sounds like that was kind of repeat, the use… Why do we always make God sound like a creepy old man… I know if you literally, it’s like, Oh… And I do, and I agree with that, and I also think that the baseline is His word, because there are a lot of times that the enemy can come, he always tries to come and from… Or every good thing, like I was saying before, and so if we don’t know the Word of God that we can be so easily to see… So at some point, a few years ago, I had a friend come over and she was in a relationship with a guy who was just not a good guy, he was abusive, physically abusive to her.

So I’m like, Hello, what? That’s a no brain at… Yeah, but she loved him and all this, and so she literally said… She was like, I’m just waiting on a word from the Lord, and I was like… And I said her name, I was like, the word of the Lord has come to you today that… Are we doing… Yes, but the thing is, it’s like if you’re not reading your work, then you don’t know what God says, healthy relationships that look like, if you’re not reading your word, you don’t know that I was telling my son everything, classes three, everything has a time in a season, so what looks good isn’t always good, or maybe it’s good, but it’s not for the right time, and so what will happen is we can… We can use logic, sometimes it sounds right, or maybe even fills, right, but there’s no baseline, and that’s why we’re seeing in our society with everything changing now, like traditions that have been held by the Christian church for years and years and years are starting to erode away. Because there’s been a lack of biblical literacy, people don’t know what the Bible says about very basic things, when did marriage start becoming this thing that I’m doing to make me happy, so… Yeah, as the saints never got married because they wanted to be happy, that wasn’t the purpose of this, but because people aren’t reading, they don’t know what marriage is a God-instituted thing, they don’t know what marriage is, they don’t have the purpose of it, and so he if I’m not happy, then I’m just gonna get out of it. Absolutely, yeah.

Yeah, and that’s it. That’s anything, right? Anything that’s hard for… That’s the immediate response is, let me fly though your friend didn’t do that, she was like, I’m gonna make this happen, I’m gonna make it work, but maybe there’s two… Maybe there’s the flea or there’s the fight and the flight, there’s a like for something that they really want, even against God’s will, or they’re like, No, this is not what you want for me. When God is like, yes it is, I just stay with me. And you’ll learn from it. We don’t go from a marriage, of course, the flight thing is not difficult, and learning to go through that has been the biggest thing for my marriage, the biggest thing for myself, honestly, and while we are one for sure at this point in our relationship, still again, becoming no means perfect, if and fighting all the things, but knowing that we’re in it together for the same reason allows us even on those hard days, even during those difficult times, for us to come back to the table and say, Okay, we’re gonna get through this too, just like we got through everything else, so I can only machine 20 years in, and then… What that is? Yeah, are you guys… Oh yeah, yeah. So after you had your babies, was that when you came… ’cause now you’re pastoring at New Life, right?

Is your husband along side of you in that… What is… Oh my gosh, my husband. It’s so funny how God puts two people together, like we are night and day, and most relationships, you’re like, This person is exactly the opposite of everything.

So I’ve always been in the front, even when I was a little kid, I sit in the front row, I wanna be like right under my seat, not… No, I wanna be right here and I’m a… Leila outspoken Lee. I’m not in the background of the China, if I’m in a room, I’ll sit there for 20 seconds to see who’s gonna take care and in one… Start on a tie.

I’ve just always been that way. This is my personality.

And so I’m Mary Sean, who is very much a leader, but in a very different capacity, he is very much in the bat, you’ll never see him in anybody’s front Ross, it’s funny ’cause now he’s in the front rail, it hurt, but that’s just not the… He’s more, I’m gonna come alongside you, I’m gonna support.

And so he’s always supporting, and so we started doing these dinners on Saturday night, which is the service that I pastor, and my husband is literally in the kitchen at church, make a taco met, and I’m just taking pictures, but watching him, he does so much behind the sin so much behind the scenes that people don’t see… Don’t know about… Of course, but that’s who he’s always been… And to be honest, I used to resent that he wasn’t like me, because I’m like, Why wouldn’t you wanna talk to everybody in the room?

Cause he’s an introvert and I’m like, It’s just us us some time.

He’s just Roman, he’s like, I’m not rude, I just don’t really like people, like I don’t need to…

I talk to everybody the way that you do, and so again, I’m trying to… Why is he like me? I wanting to be like me, and now that I’m a little bit older and the why, starting to see the beauty and God putting us together, even though we’re so different, because we’re able to complement each… Soundstage me a lot about a lot of things. He’s extremely generous, he’s very… Just laid back. I could be very much like, I’m getting my bathroom, I can’t talk, I’m telling it to make a bet.

I can wait. See it? Oh my gosh, so I’m in there. Looking at the contract, as I told you to the day I said, What is our plan for today? I need to… The, it’s there as a… To one of those ladies in, I’m like A vials on the bathroom. I’d be done by now my is like if you were doing the bathroom, you want me sit in in the middle of the floor, what do I do a at that… And so that’s just… Now he’s in to leave those people on… They know what they’re doing.

I didn’t set in the same way that I just had to keep me accountable and I… It’s so good. I had very much like that on every single point that you’re talking about, and what I’ve come to find as we’ve grown into what I think God has called us to indifferent this season of our lives, as I see the depth that goes into one conversation that he has… And it’s unbelievable, those people leave changed every single time, whether it’s from the element of cooking, ’cause my husband loves to go, whether it’s the element of nutrition or fitness or overall well-being or marital insight or fatherly insight, he has… He’s so good in so many different ways, and I am like, you’re so good at something with different ways, you should do this, you do this, that you can do this, you can do this. You do it. He was like in a…

Yeah, I do, I’m good. I feel like I’m already doing those things. I’m like, But you’re not like, This is how I would think that. No, I don’t know.

His ministry is just so much different than mine. Yeah, and it’s so beautiful as I come to respect it and understand him in those different places, honestly, to the point where I wanna be more like him and lets go at the front, all silk.

It is. But that’s just how God made us. And I was laughing the other day, I was preparing all of the printed materials and stuff that the women are gonna get at the retreat, and I was just in such a space of all struck by God, ’cause I was putting this together in an agenda for the three days, and I remember getting flashback to middle school when I was in the Student Council and we were prepping for our first event, and I was doing the same thing, I was putting together the agenda for the week.

And then I did the same thing in high school, and then I do the same thing in college. Then I did the same thing after college or an event that I hosted, and I was like, Now, he literally took… He’s those maps that you see this man in the murder mystery, I… E-Your…

I was like, the red line as I take the string is, connect to this disconnect.

Guy is God, he is doing that all the time when that like again, our maps are different and it’s never intended, even though our maps intersect and our varieties, amazing people who are totally different than US, guy has such purpose in that we can cover so much more ground on our different strokes in our different beings than we could if we were the same, cause the same, we’re gonna probably go to do this together, I…

I support him in his and he supports me in mind, and we’re like, I have the such bigger coverage.

It’s so neat. Yeah, and when you realize that your differences are your strengths, usually the things that I’m weak in my husband’s strong and then vice versa, so what the enemy, again, we try to have us do is fight over the things that make us different versus saying, You know what, you… My husband appreciates the fact that when the decision… Like if I need to talk to… I’m not afraid of conflict. So if you’re not doing the contractors what they’re not doing some…

I know he doesn’t wanna deal with that, I don’t mind a… Cause I have to live here. So what we’re gonna… He was organist with A is like, Oh.

And so then there are other things that he’s really strong in that I appreciate, he’s made me grow in a lot of ways, and so when we’re able to look at, Okay, yes, they’re different than me, and this can be in a friendship at this contest child and any relationship that… So your loved ones differences are actually your strength, so instead of resenting them because they’re not like you, it’s more wise to say, How can I learn from that? Yes, God put this person in my life for a reason. It’s really to show me something, and that’s where when I hear couples divorce and in cases of the infant stuff like that with is normal. I’m not happy with you. I’m like, Oh, like there’s so much that God wants to show you, but you are jumping ship before he’s able to show you those things.

Absolutely, and it does. It can weather you for sure. Even in those seasons, I know mine I can think of right now, but I’m like, Man, they’ve been in that storm for so long, and nobody would shame them if they decided to walk away, and yet they stay, and even being outside of their faith… And that’s… Those are the people where I’m like, Wow, right, to let God get a hold of you.

And I just, I want to see what he’s gonna do with it, because you’ve weather the storm this long, it’s just like a fight for your health, it’s the same thing.

You’re putting that in. Let God do the work with you and see what happens. With that journey, it’s hard, it’s not… It’s not easy.

I will never say that marriage is easy, and I’ve had the amazing joy this year to marry two couples, and it has been one of the biggest honors of my life to stand there, knowing that years ago I stood in complete shambles in my marriage and completely brokenness and complete confusion.

And here I am now giving them words of advice and words of encouragement and saying, This is not intended for you guys to do this separately… There’s so much goodness. The last one that I did actually there… Gosh, I’m not gonna remember the name of the show. The really huge fans of some like old English, like Lord is it like downtown a something to… Water was Vikings and Scotland got Scottish Irish people. accents, I don’t know. But anyway, all of their family members don’t, they’re obsessed with this, and this is their second marriage, and they wanted me to do this cord hand binding thing, very much reminded me, the Strang, a free course in ten gods, we did all of those elements, but additionally, at the very end, I said these three lines that were exactly redundant of the show, not gonna remember what they are in this moment, I wish I did, but it was basically just saying, you were together, this is like a plan and you are woven in it from this point forward, and as we were practicing the rehearsal, the intent initially as they were holding both hands on with, you’re gonna have to walk down the eye with your whole body thing, can you can do that? And we just see one on an ESE, you guys can walk out and an unrated later, but I just remember I didn’t have that in my ceremony when I got married, I had a Christian ceremony. And we talked about God and we prayed together, and it was amazing. We were in our faith to the place of saying, I fully redeemed as we are now, and so being able to share that and embed that with people, it’s just… It brings me to mines every time. Yeah, that’s we… Yeah, it’s pretty amazing, yeah.

And now I have the opportunity in a couple of weeks to baptize someone for the first time, it’s awesome. When she was like… Her husband had so many questions like, Can you… Even baptize is not on a Sunday.

Can you that time outside of your church, you wanna be in a pool very… Isn’t it speed to be your past or like why are you choosing this part too to know her. Wow, all these Fusion found you online or some go to a great… Yeah, we’ve been connecting for over a year, and she calls me her spiritual mom, which is hilarious because I’m so far from that at this point in my life, but I’m so glad to just be a sister in the journey along side of her, but she’s in that baby phase of like, you just want everything. Jesus, and not that I don’t want everything I still do to this day, but I remember the eagerness of not showing me yourself in such a way that I continually want to have that part of me, never forget that transition as… But yeah, so it’ll be so amazing, I can’t wait to talk about it and share with ever… Yeah, yeah.

That’s such an amazing experience. Really is. Sure, yeah, you did. You get to baptize your own children have even baptized and stuff in my kids… So my older two have been baptized, now they were the older two or 20, 17, they were… They were baptized as kids, five, six years old, that they had saving faith. I’m kind of… My philosophy is, I don’t ask my kids on a…

I teach them a home, I believe in parents, we are supposed to teach our kids at home, so we’re not dropping them off at Sunday school and hoping that… The volunteers that I hear.

And so my kids both came to me at different times saying they wanted to be saved, and so they were… And they got that tastes kid. Now, when Chris was 15, he said, This is as my mate gray, but he said he wanted to be baptized and I was like, Oh well, you are… But tell me about that.

And he was like, Well, I was little and I don’t really think… I don’t really think it meant a lot, so I wanna be baptized again, now, Chris was… He gave us a rough… When I said rough, I’m like, Capital are…

I see like a… That formation point 14 was like the years from Hades or the… And so for the… Was I going through all of this stuff? All this transition, turmel in the house all the time. So at 15, he decides he wants to be baptized, and so I could see a remarkable difference in his behavior after he was baptized, he got baptized in Easter Sunday when he was 15 years old, and just before he moved out, he wrote me this long letter and he was confessing, just asking for forgiveness, and there are some things, and so he talks about that stage in his life, and he was 14, and he had never said to Him, I… You’re still different now that your baptized… I never expressed those words and I would say it’s my husband, I would say it’s my mom. Yeah, so in this letter, Chris role, he said, I know that something happened to me that changed me, he said It was after I got baptized, he was like, I no longer thought those thoughts, I no longer wanted to do those things, and I thought, if that is not the testimony of God’s encounter with you. Baptism is so much more than just a stumble, it’s so much more than just something that you do because it’s a command you early at Terence power and the A Time waters when you are dead to your old self and you are made alive in Christ, and so to hear my 19-year-old son at the time say that no one coached him to say though I… And so it’s such an honor. Now, my daughter hasn’t asked to be re-baptized and the little boys haven’t been Baptized yet. And again, I’m just kinda waiting to see.

Yeah, ’cause I want it to mean something. What does that mean to you? Yeah, no, I was never baptized. And so when I got baptized, we’ve actually got an baptized, both of my husband and I on the West Coast by the same woman who married us as we structure, and then we got that time on the East Coast, the Middle of storm by our pastors currently. Wow. And there’s the Psalms 125 as far as the east is from the west. And then was such a part of Senate transgressions that are completely remote. That’s right.

And that was such a part of my testimony and my heart for, I want it all gone, like I don’t want…

I don’t wanna have to go back, I don’t wanna have to worry, I don’t want to have to even be anything like the person that I was before, and so while I have friends who have been with me through the longevity of my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with just being friends with them prior to being saved and baptized, and I don’t think that they would say that I’m a different person, but I know that they have seen such a change to the point that some of those people have now come to the Lord because I like it when I… What is it? Yeah, what is it that you’ve experienced, and I am sure as a mom, you saw all those changes, but I’m sure his friends all that, and he had the opportunity to be a living testimony to each of those people regardless of whose lives he knows he’s changed right.

And it’s just incredible as you continue to walk out the call on your life that God has for you, you are making a ripple effects that you just can’t even know the grand use experience that you’re giving other people by shining, it’s like… It’s just… It’s an amazing vision, again, a visual, as I can see it happening, but it’s almost as if like when God is walking on water and he asked Peter to come out of the boat, just the belief system of him standing out of the bot, imagine they only really talk about Peter at that point, but imagine the people in the boat watching him, those boats weren’t manned by one person, they are man by man, and so to know that experience for them in the life-changing experience of I’m falling, he picks me back up. All of that, I feel like that was my life, and so it’s been amazing to stand on water with Jesus, that he makes it, and that’s what the baptism component of what… There’s so much thing, so much life in water, and it’s just gonna be really amazing to… To experience it with someone like that… Yeah, yeah.

And have our kids do it. It’s gonna be incredible. Yeah, and have your kids asked to be that time… Okay, yeah, the artillery re… Literally, I, I was… So I made… The other day, I came out of Starbucks and we… We in the sari saw this older woman with her Bible and a orange bike, the ornate is what caught me, it’s a bun beach cruiser, then I saw her just reading her Bible and like, Oh, that’s gonna be the days… Yeah, when we could just go to Starbucks and I… The bill day on just pour or that. And so I’m bringing my kids in getting coffee and as we’re going out, I see that laborer to A and I was like, We should really ask for what she’s reading, I’m so curious what she’s reading about. And they were both like, Oh, you can ask like, Oh, we should find out.

My son is very, hubs, what’s going on? Let’s have a conversation about this. My daughter is behind me, and she’s like, you doing that, I’m like, Okay, so I was like, so we were wondering what you’re learning about today, and it could have gone so many different ways, I was… I’m trusting God in this mill, but she’s an ice Christian, a nice Christian, in understanding of the Holy Spirit, he… That she is open to that, that she thinks that these babies are blessed names and that they’re already saved on the Lord, so many things, there’s so many thoughts that were going through my head, I’m like, Okay, this is happening, and I… So my… She started talking and she just was a like… Just so good with baby, so get with the kids, the kids just took to her to the point where they slowly, without anybody like pulling out a chair or saying in town, my baby, they just were so eager, they pulled out the chair slowly and just sat down and I were listening and engaging and having a full conversation with her and to answering every question that she had about the Bible, they… That’s awesome. And they do it, and I kept being like, Yeah, I see it. I point at formation because sometimes you just don’t know. Right, and in that you opened up with about your Stern ice, there are plenty of times where I’m like, Gosh, I did that wrong, man, now I have to go and ask for an apology, I could have done this differently that… So many points, and even the beginning of their lives, not being the present mother that I am now when I’m with them, I missed the opportunity, I wanna have my point too, I mean, he did a… In the end, just a, a, I… Ethan, God has transformed me to be the meat I was intended to be with a newborn, I just have that desire so that… And whether it’s, I get to be a god mom until all the babies, which I now get to be, which is so fun, or it’s my own, I just have such a desire for that, so to know that it’s resonating, and to know that you are teaching and that you’re leading by example, and that they see and they hear all of those things are… The lady was just like, mama I.And a new practice that we have had, because I think for me, and I’ll be honest, and this, it’s very hard for me all the time to pick up the Bible, I want it. It stars at me, I know I need to pick it up and do it. I have my daily devotions that come to maybe email, I have my apps, I have all of those things, but there’s something very different about those things, then when you pick up the actual Word of God and you dive into it… Something I want to do more often.

But I’m always listening to worship songs and I’m listening to pastors via… To cast and all that.

So I was struggling in that and wanting a way to be able to be with the kids and be present with them with the Bible, and so finding time in our busy schedules, it’s a really hard thing to do, so I have made it a practice that we listen to the bilan tape via like a children’s Bible story story on the way to school. We added 15 minutes to our Drive this year because of where we moved, and so I was like, I want this time to be relaxing for them and not feeling like rushed out of the house because it was earlier, and also going into their school day or her and then the Word of God, and we started doing that this year, and it has been the most abundant ET… Because they don’t fully understand it, even though there’s like… It’s definitely children’s like stories, they’re talking about Alliance in, or the story of Joseph and the brothers in the turmoil that went through with that, and it’s above their head, the four and six, so there they’re hearing it, they hear the Undo on Isar thing and the will say words, and he was thrown into the line did for death. And he was like, What’s a death?

And we’re like, No, gosh, Blaise, seven in the morning. I’m like, Well, dying is within… Have a good area. It’s like a… So I intentionally choose ones that are with this time from that I know that I can pause and share and teach and keep going in. Okay, what does this mean? Stop, let’s go and talk through this, what does this mean to you? And by the time to get to school, sometimes we sit there for another three minutes and I make sure I can close out what they’ve just learned and how we can apply it to or a day or a life. I just would encourage people to try it. To do it because it is… We all are busy, we all have… We’re moving a million miles a minute, there’s always something that comes up that… It seems that the Bible comes less and I get it, but I don’t want that to be the case. And so I’m like, How can I put to practice that the Bible comes first, and if it’s a part of your day, that that is what you do at that hour, it becomes habitual to the point that you crave it when you don’t have it, right.

And so I wanted to instill that in my children. And to see that experience, it was such affirmation that God was like, Well done, good and fall so it’s getting in the good. Yeah, it was so, so cool. And another thing for me to just see somebody out and bring them, I would want me she was or what she was gonna do, but to trust God, that the people He puts in your line of sight are people that are intentional, and to not ignore that and if we’re looking down nor phones and we’re not engaging, and we’re not in those moments, God, how could God even use those places, how could God in to speak to you if you’re not allowing another human being to even speak to you… Right, ’cause God speaks through other peasant that this is so powerful. Yeah, yeah. But that happens.

Absolutely, that’s so sweet.

It was really cool. Yeah, think I was talking with a co-worker of mine and we were talking about teaching our kids the word, and it just saddens me, I think that there’s so many… There’s so many parents who they focused on their relationship with the Lord, so they might be going to church, they might be reading their Bibles and their kids are literally starting, they’re not teaching their children, and they’re expecting the church to be the one that teaches the kids and then when they feel like the church isn’t measuring up, they moved to another church, and so my co-work and I were saying the way I grew up… Thank God for this, I didn’t think God for it at the time, if I wanted to do what I wanted to do and… But my mom would make us read our Bible, and she was a teacher, so then we had the right, literally right up a little paragraph essay of what we learned in that, and my mom knows the Bible and for inside out, so you couldn’t make up… So she nation say I like, he is a Bible lean. So growing up, I used to be like, I’ll have to read the Bible, or if you go outside or I rage on the phone or whatever, I have to be the Bible, and then like you said before, it might start off as a discipline, but I heard a guy named Larry Lea years ago, he said, spending time with the Lord starts off as a duty, and then it… It turns into a discipline, and then it turns into a delight, and so if you could just stay the course, just stay with it, stay with… And then you start to get to the point, literally is, I haven’t read my Bible, I’m like, I’m in shaking, but it’s like, You do not feel all…

I’m not, I’m physically different. I’m like, Oh, I just don’t feel around feel right today.

And I do still read the the pages, so it’s just something about it. I have my Bible app, but it’s like just consonant it, but with my boys, what we started doing is at night because we go so hard during the day, and I am definitely not a morning person, so I like leap into like the last… As possibly in… Right, and so at night, I realized, Oh, what night? We’re calling eyeing bed, we got our snacks on, our lunch is made, now we can read the bible and they can kinda go to sleep that… So that’s what works for us, and so I think just fine and whatever works for you all, but one of the things that I’m a mentor mom for MOC group to cool, now there’s a pre-schoolers for the… But I tell the mothers that just like you would never let your children go a week without eating physical foods, you would be… In CPS, what you have to know.

I know that you have to feed your kids basically, and so it’s the same… We have to feed our can spiritually, and so if my kids are arguing, which they do… This is the 12-year-old. They’re big Ren. I take them to the word.

I’m like, You know, guys, how are you treating each other? What fruit of the Spirit are you exciting right now. Yeah, and they know all the fruits because we taught them and they have little fruit trees and on the size of the bed of all the fruits of the Spirit, but it’s like making the Bible practical and not only using it as a way to discipline… Right, ’cause it can backfire on, but also using the word of God to enhance in that situation with the lady at Starbucks, they’re able to see God’s word in real life. Absolutely, that’s the thing. That’s gonna stick with them. Someone here, 20, I mind is now. And you were able to talk to them, and I remember Chris told me years ago, he’s like, Mom, I know it seems like I don’t listen to anything you say, but I’m listening to you… Oh wow.As they could on like that needed that, you know, because I guess… But when you use a… When you’re in a tent, you don’t want to… In about it.

They’re gonna look at you like this.

I ain’t in whether they’re listening or not, it’s true it… Sure. Gosh, orator friend, you’re… Oh, I have to time.

It is the cars with 90 yesterday, and I heard… She was like, Oh, my boyfriend. I’m like, I’m sorry, you’re wet.

It is a late my heart and was in step with no, and I’m just thinking about myself in those shoes, and I did not know the Lord, and I am so grateful that she does, and I just pray that she leads into him, I’m not into him, because Lord knows what that can do.

And so, but again, God Jesus, all things just like he did when we were 17-year-old is.

Right, and I just think there’s so much power in our testimonies, in the trials, more so the child, that there isn’t the goodness of our lives that people can resonate and relate and understand how powerful he is, and he has that transformative power that we are redeemed in him, that you do have this relationship that is now steward and you get to cultivate for kind of humans into daughters and kings of the greatest side in a… Just in a radial.

So before we end today, ’cause we could check for hours… We did the other day, was that I wanted to share today is Rush Shana.

You know, I, I know that. Okay, so our kids have off school, that’s why they’re all… Okay, so making the connection, we see because public school is open right now, so our school celebrates every Jewish holiday… Every holiday, I think for the most part, but Jihad specifically. And I didn’t know what it was, I was just like, Oh, it’s a holiday. Let’s go. Great. We have off school, and I was with my pastor’s daughter was staying the night. And she was like, Oh yeah, I know what it is. I’m like, Oh, what is it? She was like, Oh, it’s like the Jewish New Year. I was like, Oh, I kind of wrote it off. And I’m like, something like their state, I wanna know what that means, what does that mean? Why are they just do another time?

So I looked it up, and I don’t know if you knew this, but in addition to it being the Jewish calendar, starting today is the day that Adam and Eve were made, the what they believe.

And I was like, Wait, what?

So the start of humanity happened on this day. This is huge, everybody needs to celebrate and be here if this didn’t happen, so I’m gonna celebrate you on this array and the descendants of our entire heritage. Yeah, but also he would said something in the beginning and I about marriage and… Or not beginning was The… No, of it, but you said that the strengths and the differences of who we are as people, and you’re relating it to marriage, and it immediately made me think of the racial discrepancy that happens all the time, even today, and that if we could just… We could value the strengths of our sisters and our brothers and look at it from every line like that God wants us… All the differences that we have are intentional differences, and not to hate them, but to sell, rate them A, and to know at the end of the day, we all come from the same place, in the same lineage, and so I’m grateful to you to be here and to know that we were both just like pouring out what God has poured into us on a daily basis in our community, and started the soundarya that you guys did hear about us in this revival in our city in so many different ways. And I think it’s stemming from conversations like this and stemming from the art churches that are doing such a beautiful job of continuing to steward the Bible, even when things are happening that would make people throw the bible away, that there is still activity in the Word and that we are stewarding that as active participants of the kingdom day-by-day as a… To know that God can essentially use all of the things that are our gifts as weapons, just as you started out, he used that town, he used that ability to create words, and yet you’re here speaking life, and so I’m great, I’m just grateful to see the transformation that God’s put in your life.

Thank you, Tamara, this has been so good.

I’m just grateful for what God is doing and you for the retreat coming up, and just how God is using you as just such an often in voice to women. I feel like we’re kindred in this way that I tell me, I don’t have time for bakery, I don’t wanna do that. I would just rather just…

No, I got a no.

But God is using you to be an authentic voice to win and to welcome everyone’s welcome everyone’s… Well, we’re all on different… Susan, that’s the thing that you were saying earlier too, is that no one has arrived and we will never arrive, and the moment that we think that we have… We’re done about to be forgotten, still work on the ethology.

Right. Tell me about her book before, ’cause I haven’t even… But yeah, I want people to go and read it and learn more about you, so I know I can get an audible… You can get it on Amazon, so…

I never put it on Audible. This was a two-way… You can come here a record… Oh my God, tell me so that it be on in a audio Know what? So it’s crazy. So I’m in the process of writing two books right now, one is a one… Yes, so one is non-fiction, and then the second is the fiction book member I told you I like to like myself, I think in the second book was gonna be done, so the first book was called a choice, it changed her life, and it’s loosely based off of my life, of the teenage mod, and so good Christian girl gets involved with this guy and I up pregnant, and so she’s now facing a decision, the biggest decision of her life, what am I gonna do, am I gonna abort? Am I gonna carry the term, am I gonna place production? And so it kind of talks about that whole journey, and then she begins to have conversations with her own leather who then her past is kind of dredged up, so it’s a book about not only this girl’s decision, but also how our past mistakes affect our children and how as parents, it’s so important that we walk in the light and that we walk in forgiveness and restoration and opens, because the sense of the father are passed on to the children, and so I think last time we talk, we talked about those generational Herrera, Iona, whatever the word is, they do wanna put the generational… And my mom was a teenage mom, her mom was a teenage mind, my sister was a teenage mom, and so this thing has just been kinda going down when I first started learning about generational curses, I said, This is… This stops with me. My children will not eat her parents on… Not only have one daughter, but now my son Neiman won’t either, but you got one out there… Exactly, it’s funny. It goes way.

I can look. Come on, you know my daughter on an E-tag, you did. Yeah, yeah.

So and then he’s been faithful. And so that’s what the book is about. And so, I love that you told me too, that it resonated with so many women, you were thinking it was gonna be this niche of on the day… Yeah, it’s hitting 50, 60-year-old women who journey through… Or watching their daughter’s journey through it, or anybody… And so, again, my God is so good that even our new minded concepts of niche, which that word is so trendy in the business world right now, God can use things completely more than you will ever. ever imagine. Absolutely. Now you’re writing the SQL to that, right.

And, and a book on May, and it’s so interesting because the SQL… So in book one, we kinda get introduced to and who’s Carter parents have a very tumultuous marriage, so you’re seeing little seeds of that interwoven throughout book one, and a bot really focuses on their marriage. Well, in the meantime, I’m writing that and then the Lord gives me a non-fiction book on marriage, and so I’m like, This is wild, Lord, sometimes I just can’t even stand that I’ll be writing… Mondays are usually my writing day, okay. And I’ll be writing and I’m like this… I just feel like I’m having an out-of body experience. Who is this? writing these words, so we’ll just see what the Lord does with this, so… Yeah, yeah, everything that you guys have come through, it would be amazing even to see what that comes out, whether it’s in a podcast, Earth and another book, or it’s a marriage retreat that you guys do it, it would be really cool because it’s such a broken space in society. And so needed to… So I’m excited to see where I go. So what are the name? Was the name of the first one that they can get now the choice that changed her life. A choice. The change, Julian sintering.

Alright, well, you guys go by Dana, she, Williams, she’s incredible. She also does speaking engagements. I know around Hampton Roads, I’ve been in senior speak actually before I even knew who she was.

So it’s incredible how bad uses that to just less people on before you… Thank you so much around… It’s awesome. Yeah, a same address on your kidnaps and I am so excited to just be here to share with you other movers, dreamers, shakers, entrepreneurs, pastors, whatever, if you’ve got head and you got a hard… I’m so excited to explore who that is, who you are, and discover your wholeness, your health, your wealth, will and your joy. I love to Zoo happiness. I want people to know, this is not… This came at trial, you guys, this came with a lot of effort, I came with a lot of lows and so many highs, and I want us to experience those together, this is our wheel community at tremors, and I’m excited to help catapult your calling, your kingdom experience the purpose of your infant Alto worlds wherever, however, that is so common, the ride, I’m excited to chat with you, like comment, review in museums and me an email, it’s me responding. Yet, have an incredible team.

And so I’m just excited to get to know you. Let’s connect plus a community, and let’s walk in our calling to A it Tiananmen OneNote annotations the ionians in a one.

So

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