Learning who you are establishes the basis of your center – your balance – your alignment with your mind, body and soul.
Without recognition of your identity, your core desire or your core fear, you aren’t able to operate at your fullest potential or fully alive. This is the key to re-align your purpose.
Naomi Faith, a certified therapist, joins me for this podcast, unpacking truth in the recognition of our relationship with ourselves and the importance of healthy relationships with others. With practical tips on HOW start identifying who we are and what to do when we get there. Her coined terminology is something I will fundamentally live by moving forward…tune in to get the joyful perspective of her sweet soul and her secret to being whole.
Listen to the Podcast Episode: https://fitinfaith.podbean.com
To get to know Naomi more – check out our Pinterest page: https://www.pinterest.com/nfaithkma/
Connect with me, Tamra Andress – The Fit in Faith Podcast Host!
I’d love to get to know you.
Tag #fitinfaithpodcast or @tamra.andress
Until next time…Prayers towards your joy, health, wealth and wholeness!
FULL SHOW NOTES:
Lean into Yourself: Find Your Center and Re-Align Your Purpose – With Naomi Faith
Tamra (Speaker 1): Very excited to share with you a friend who became quickly a sister over the course of the last year. She is somebody that I’m always eager to hang out with, sometimes crave, hanging out with. Because of that, she always makes me laugh. It’s contagious. Her spirit is just, I’m so exuberant and everyone that she’s around, she just makes feel that same way, which I just love about her. You know, she claimed herself as a joyful lover and we’ll learn more about that as we unpack who Naomi is. But she is somebody that’s really special to me and also quite inspirational in how she has unpacked her testimony. And part of that was through going to school and becoming a family marriage relationship specialist and got a master’s in our education in that. And so she’s here to share all things, relationship, any engrams. If you don’t know any grantees, have to stay on just for the Enneagram conversation. It’s awesome but welcome.
Naomi (Speaker 2): Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for allowing me to be here because it’s so fun.
Speaker 1: It is. It’s unlike things that you’re used to, especially because of the unscripted component, what’s going to happen. We were talking before we got on the anticipation and I’m such a person of words, so I’m like, what’s it going to be called? How am I going to unpack this? And so here we are. This is really, it was life and inaction as you could possibly get. Like we’re sweating all the things [inaudible] so this is really what a conversation with Naomi is like constantly making you smile. And I want you to share a bit about how you decided to go to school for what you went to school for and where you are and what you’re doing with it now. Okay. So I
Speaker 2: All my life pretty much all my life I have been into relationships. Like I remember as a teenager just loving, getting to know people’s stories, romantic stories mainly. But I just loved hearing even the bad and the good. Like I loved getting to know it all and just getting to understand everything about it. Any, you know, as much as anybody would let me understand about it. And so what I would also am musically inclined. So I began pursuing that first, but no doors opened and yeah. And so no opportunities came, nothing came. And I was like, okay, well this is obviously not the path for me and my mother who is very influential person, Hey mom, if you’re watching she was like, okay man, I’ll be like, what would you want to do if you could do that for the rest of your life? And I was like, honestly, if I could just sit and have coffee with people and get to know their stories, I would love to do that. And she’s like, okay, well that’s counsel At first I was in denial because that’s what my mom was in school for at the same time, which she later moved on from that. But yeah, so I was in and out because grew up not wanting to be like my mom. I wanted to be my own person. I mean, even to this day, it’s a joke about Naomi is her own person. And so but I, you know, followed that path and as soon as I started talking to people about that path that I was going to go down, everybody’s like, Oh my gosh, that would be great for you. That would be great. And for me, hearing people, even strangers that have talked to me for 10 minutes, they’re like, that would be great for you. And I’m like, okay, this is probably the path that I need to go down. And yeah. So that was the main inspiration. It also helped, well didn’t slash did help. I had my parents did go through a divorce. But that honestly was not the motivating factor. But it definitely brings experience to the table whenever it comes to therapy. And relationships. So interesting.
Speaker 1: Well, and I feel like, I mean I’ve done here for this long and I’m hearing new things. Why this is so exciting. I get so much good stuff. Yeah. What is dedicated quality time and that’s the one thing that I just love. I love spinning that with you. So I’m excited to like even go deeper than that. You mentioned getting to know it all and I feel like a right, since I first met you, you just like peer into people’s souls and it’s, but it’s in this inviting like welcoming way where you’re not intrusive. It’s just like comes from a place of trust and I don’t know how God-like may do that way, but I’m so grateful because it’s going to open doors for people and here you are talking about feeling like doors weren’t opening and I was in a conversation with my pastor recently and he said you know, you’re doing a lot of things, Tamra.
I’m like, I know. And he said, but like, how are you feeling? What is that experience like for you? And I feel like in my twenties everything that I was doing was, I didn’t care what the door is open or closed. I was making the door open because I was achieving and we’re going to go into that in a minute and I just, I was willing to knock and if it didn’t open I’m like okay, I’ll bust it open. This is how it’s going to work happen. And I just always wanted to succeed. And now as I came and stripped all of that backward and said, I don’t even want to do anything cause I don’t know who I am or what I want to do. As I started to redevelop that over the course of the last couple of years, it’s been so easy and stress-free and relaxing.
And I actually find energy when I’m quote-unquote working though we’ve established it in my home that mommy doesn’t work. She creates. And I love that because I don’t want my children to think that I’m going to do something just to punch a clock or get paid cause I don’t do either of those things. So I want them to know that it’s from passion and that it’s for the purpose of changing people’s hearts and changing people’s lives. But what my pastor said, and the reason I told you this is because he said, God will give you grace for your space. And I think what you’re doing and what you’re propelling into in this next season is just a space that’s going to be filled with so much grace. I hope so. I certainly hope so. Thank you for saying that. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. Sided about it. So share, share how God made you this way, like not necessarily that you have to go to the secrets.
Speaker 2: So,
Speaker 1: So just like where that trust factor, you feel like that was developed because I feel like that’s something I would love to be better at.
Speaker 2: So whenever you were telling me about how I have that gifting apparently.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I have known about it for a little while, but yeah, so the first memory that I thought of whenever you said that was I was in eighth grade. And once again, once again, my mom is a big influence, so, so she’s again a part of this story. But I was in eighth grade and I, I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I think someone told me a secret. And, and then I said, and then I actually only told someone not realizing how important keeping secrets is. Yeah. And, and I, but I really, until after I told the secret, I that hurt my friend’s feelings and, and I really did not like hurting my friends’ feelings and I did not know what I could do to change it or how I can make it better. And so at that moment, I learned, once again, my mom was talking to me and she’s like, secrets are meant to be kept private. And, and that’s really where that trust factor being in being established. And so for me, right at that moment, I remember thinking, okay, well I’m going to keep secrets. Like from now on, like that’s, I’m going to keep secrets. Wow. And, and that has been my intention and I’m not perfect by any means.
Like there are times whenever I accidentally cross a line, cross a boundary, there are things that I might actually do, not knowingly, but ideally, in an ideal healthy relationship, they’ll communicate with me and I’ll communicate back, say, I’m sorry. You know, that’s not, that was never my intention. I will do, I will do my best to do better next time. And so so yeah, so that is kind of that I think that’s kind of where it began. That was in eighth grade, right?
Speaker 1: That’s so even like place point that, and I think that is like a part when I’m helping women in core establish like, where are you supposed to go? Where is, where is God leading you? And they have no idea because it’s not something that’s just like written out on paper or you wake up and you’re like, yeah, though it does happen sometimes that way. It’s really like connecting all of those points in your lives that are just really imprinted on your heart and like continue to propel you into that next space. Sometimes it’s, it’s horrible experiences. It’s trauma, it’s hurt, it’s depression. Sometimes it’s really happy moments that, you know, from here on out, I want to continue to do this and not for the satisfaction of necessarily making other people happy because that too goes back to my people-pleasing nature. But it’s for making yourself happy and making the world a better place while doing it.
I’m also a mama’s girl and I think it’s really interesting because I, want us to be better versions of who they are and even maybe drastically different from who they are. And yet at the same time, it’s really hard because they’re instilling all the things that they’ve learned along the journey, so naturally becomes similar to them. And so I’ve lived that out my whole life to the point where I would hang out with my mom’s friends and they’re like, you guys are just two peas. I saying the same. And I always relished in that. I just thought it was so amazing. And then I got to a place when I was really questioning my identity. I only really wrapped myself in her. And though she’s a beautiful, amazing person. Like, I’m not Brenda Cornwell, I’m Tamra Andrus and I wasn’t allowing myself to be who I was called to be because I was okay being her or her daughter, which is such an honor.
But I think that there’s a lot of like importance in that experience. And for you to clarify that early on in life it took me after having kids. So imagine like making one eighties so late in life is so hard to do. And I get the concept even of a midlife crisis, I would call my thirties my midlife crisis when I turned 29 and 30 and I’m glad I did it then. And I pray to God and I’m sure my husband does too, that it doesn’t happen again when I’m 40 or 50 or any of those things. But as you are unpacking relationships, relationships with people now, like how do you see that? Like diversity and family and those, different what do they call them? All the different roles that people play. Like how has that affected you in your learning experience of school?
Oh my gosh. Yeah, it is. Cause I’m like, I don’t even know where to begin because there’s so much, there are so many things that go in with roles and relationships and how it plays into who you are as a person and how it plays into the community. So let me think. Relationships enroll. So I have a few people that I’m pretty close to close with. And like I have, okay, let’s start with this. So talking about trust and privacy and me, one of my mentors growing up really honed in on having a small group of people that you are close with and that see everything and, and you could still be friends with other people, but it’s important to have just a handful of the inner circle. Yeah. And, and so I’ve been intentional about doing that and still having friends
Speaker 2: Still friends outside of that and, and all of that. My biggest thing that I have been trying to live from is from a place of rest. And so in relationship with others. And so for me, what that means is, okay, I know who I am. I know how I treat others and I know how I want to be treated. And if you don’t, if I see that, you know, you don’t know how to treat me that way, then okay. You’re going to be in this circle, like the outer circle. If I see that you kind of do know how to treat me a certain type of way and I know how to treat like we have this nice flow, as this vibe. Yeah. Like if we have a nice goal and you know, a role, I mean, not a role, but like yeah. Then I’ll, okay, let’s, let’s see.
Let’s test the waters. Let’s see what this looks like. Can I be my complete itself with you and love you and accept love from you too? Because of part of, and I’m going to go on a little tangent here. Part of love and relationship is a give and receive and, and sometimes it’s so difficult for people, including myself sometimes to receive love. Yeah. It’s a lot easier to give, but in the inner circle it’s especially, it’s so important for you to receive [inaudible] on the outer circle. That’s typically where the people are that are wanting to take something from you, not necessarily in a bad way but more so, you know, take from your giftings or take from your energy take and cause that’s part of why we’re here, right, is to pour out into the community what is inside of us. And so as far as roles go, like trying to tie it back in trying, no, you’re doing amazing. Trying to tie it back in. I kind of
Maybe I know I idealize a lot. So whenever I’m with those people that I’m close to, I idealize where we’re at and, and, but I also try and keep my like stay present with where we’re at as well. And so kind of what that means is for me is that I kind of, whether it’s directly or indirectly, I kind of call out what I see in the ideal world if that makes sense. In those moments. And I mean, and it’s to that person. Yeah. Interest. It’s something as tiny as I dunno, I dunno. Like are you sure you want to smoke that right now?
I haven’t even say that. I don’t, I honestly, I don’t even say that, so I don’t even know why I said that, but like, I know, Mike, let me think. This is
What I would have you do. So let me prompt you with a thought. Yeah. And it’s, it’s honestly like I, for me, it’s, it’s because above all levels above them changing above this ideal version of them, right? It’s about my relationship with them at the core of who I am. That is it. I love you, no matter if you ever get to this ideal or not. I love you. Yeah. And, and so for me, in that core group of people, because I feel like I’m receiving something from them and I’m able to give, they receive stuff from me. That’s at the end of the day, that’s it. You know, that that ideal will eventually happen or not, but it will eventually get better. Cause, I mean, or it’ll end
Right. I’m still on me. I’m like over here on that deep end now I hold on, what’s she going to bring to the day?
Speaker 1: Interesting to hear how your mind works behind it. Because I watch you interact with people and you because of the way that you have that trust instinct you also like lean in. And so that leaning in the component of just like tell me more, that allows people to just like fall into you, which I think is so beautiful. So it’s must be something about your personality traits through too.
Speaker 2: I think it causes there cause that leaning in is something, I mean I probably had it before I was in school, like my master’s program, but it honestly that I was on campus regularly and the on-campus classes, every single, I was just talking to my former professor last week about this. Yeah. I’m not in school anymore and I just went to visit cause I love her.
So every single class challenges you and, and I kind of look at it as they were kind of honing kind of chipping away at the edges of your personality at the edges of who you are, but yeah, but you’re still there and, and so that leaning in part is something that I learned in school. You know, I might’ve had a little bit of it, but already before I was in school, but then whenever I got into school, I really just naturally it began to click. And so my personality was always there or else people wouldn’t have, would not have been like, Oh, this is perfect for you. Naming, I don’t even know your name, but this is perfect for you lady. Do you know what I mean? But whenever I was in school, I really liked just perfected it to now where it’s just natural. And I have people that are telling me, I don’t want dr Naomi. I just want Naomi, please can you just give something that I get to work on but going back, that’s hilarious to use that now. So I like you, dr Naomi. And so tell me more about
Speaker 1: The personality component of what you’re doing now and when you’re even helping. People are like, you’ve helped me for sure. How do you like dissect us? Cause I know that in your background you’re like, Oh, poor thing, or
Speaker 2: Wow, that’s really amazing. Or Oh man, this is going to happen because that happened or I know this happens because this is what she’s like, I need to know that I want that so bad.
Well, honestly, I will be perfectly honest. That is from the get-go of all of this. That was the very thing that I was, I do not want to do. Sure. Because, because if, if I have that in my mind, I’m not present with you and I’m already analyzing you. I’m all ready, you know, I mean, there’s just so many things that prevent me from being present with you. And if I have these thoughts already what’s the, I can’t remember the preconceived notions. Yeah. But it’s, it’s there’s a phrase, and I can’t think of what the phrase is, but I’m already thinking things and, and it very well could come out to play like that, but it’s, it’s preventing me from being present with you and, and so I’ll, I’ll pull it out if you want me to analyze you. Yeah. Okay. I can do that moment. Like right now I’m not sitting here thinking, Oh, okay, she’s an achiever. She’s trying, you know what I mean? Like that’s not, she’s perfection, blah, blah, blah. I’m not thinking that. Interesting. I’m just here listening to you talk and I’m talking back. I guess if you were CIA FBI it could be to your advantage,
but I do. But do you think about it when you leave a situation? It depends on the situation guys. So like, okay. What about when you’re in therapy, with patients? So in therapy with patients, I yeah, I mean, ’cause that’s my job that I have to turn it on. Sure. And, and so I’m constantly analyzing. I’m constantly, I’m conceptualizing, so I get to see a lot of families and I’m very excited about that. But part of what goes into getting to see families is you have three or four different people that are playing a role in this client’s symptoms, whatever they are. And so I get to look into, okay, so what is it every person’s role, how are they affecting this? And, and externally, like, you know, what’s their home life like? What’s the job like, how often is mom and dad home? What does home life look like? Like do they hang out? Do they not hang out? Like there are so many factors that I’m constantly at least attempting to, I’m still learning.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But then keeping in mind, so that, and that’s probably part of the reason why I turn it off too is that that’s my job. And in real life, as I said, I can turn it on, but I, I’d much rather just be present. Yeah. I love that. I love that idea of that. I think part of being present though is knowing who you are because I feel like for so, so long in my relationships, even though I had no knowledge of any gram or family dynamics or roles or any of those things that I now know because of therapy, not because I’m a therapist. Let me just clarify that I’ve learned a lot,
Speaker 1: But is that I feel like I was always like psychoanalyzing what was happening and trying to maneuver it or make it to my advantage or just really not being present with people. And I would just encourage people who are listening that if you are in that place and that’s how you dissect relationships, whether they’re, you’re in your inner circle or there’s somebody that you’re meeting for the first time. I think from my own experience that the reason that you’re doing that in a way that you can help get yourself to be more present is to really try and dig deeper into who you are. So I’d love like, share what you’ve learned about Enneagram and that’s like a huge unpacking in itself, but maybe some practical things that people could take back with them.
Speaker 2: Okay. Let’s see here. So the first practical thing, take the test. So, okay, so in general, I don’t know who all knows about it, but in general, it’s, there’s, it’s a lot easier with visuals, but there’s a circle and different points on this circle are different types of personalities and it’s actually a super in-depth because it’s not just, I love Myers-Briggs. Once again, my mom and I were like super hardcore about that and still love it. But it’s a lot, it’s a bit more in-depth and it’s a bit more flexible than Myers-Briggs is. And so each type has a type that they might look more like whenever they’re under stress and towards health. And also there are different varying degrees. So on the main Enneagram website, there are like, I want to say like nine descriptors of varying degrees of health or unhealthiness. So first, as I said, take the test and there are some that cost money. There are some that are free. It just kinda depends on how in-depth you want to go. But once you take the test go to its Enneagram institute.org, I think. And it has each type description and I would highly recommend after you take the test to go to the type that it describes and each type of person has. Obviously, you can do whatever you want
Page. This is the part that’s very important. So on the page, there is a core desire and a core fear. And before you read anything else, well, may, maybe not before, but that needs to be one of the first things that need to be read. Read that and see how true that line up with you and things that you have dealt with all your life. The core fears that you’ve dealt with, a core desire that you’ve had your entire life, the kind of the foundation of who you are and how everything was developed for you. That is honestly what will help you determine your type even past, you know what the test says because ultimately you are the expert of yourself. And your, the, your, I mean even if you don’t know yourself that well, you’re, you’re the only one that can know yourself.
That’s good. So so look at that and then you can go through everything else. But cause I know that sometimes like for instance with type nines, especially moms that are timelines, like my brother’s girlfriend’s like this she thought she was a type two because she’s a mom and so and that but a lot of type nines look like type twos. And I’m like, I can think of at least three others off the top of my head right now that are type nines. But they’re actually, I mean they think that they type twos, they really mirror a lot of type two. So so yeah, that would probably be this, that would probably be the practical steps to go. And then what this practice helps in relationships. It’s amazing. Cause whenever you can understand, not just yourself and you can understand, you know, it doesn’t even have to be a romantic person, just a partner, a friend. Whenever you can do that and you can actually talk to them and help them heal them or love on them through that type, through those core desires, those core fears. And obviously don’t make them more scared. You know, one is like abandonment
On the website. It actually talks about what each type is like whenever they’re in a relationship with another type, which I was so,
Yeah. And then anything I’d be like, Oh, is this kind of, yeah. Oh my gosh. It is like, this is exactly what it looks like.
So that’s super, super helpful. I don’t know anything else
Speaker 1: So good. I think I took the, I’ve taken unpaid versions and paid version. The paid version was amazing. I feel like it’s worth it, it was $12. It’s worth $12. People don’t go to Chick-Filet today. Take the Enneagram test. And it literally gave me like a 10-page document of all of these things. And so Gary and I did it like a hand in hand and to really like to dive deeper into our relationship and comprehend. There were so many aha moments. So not only are you having aha moments about yourself because some of the things, you know and lately, but subconsciously you never actually like written out, this is how I am or this is who I am when I’m mostly healthy. But to see me, again, being an achiever, by the way, that’s number three. So if you’re out there, they’ll do a podcast or something. Why are you sitting here? She’d be achieving. But seriously, it’s like it was talking about the health factor of like how you operate when you’re mostly healthy and then different levels of where you’re operating. And I was like three below operating on my most healthy self. I’m like, Oh my gosh, how do I get it
To the bed? And I’m like, okay, what can I do to achieve so, so dumb? Just naturally. Like I didn’t do anything. I wasn’t competing with someone, I wasn’t comparing myself with someone. I just wanted it to be the best.
Wellness begins during the ocean side, two night, three-day experience. We’ll use our natural surroundings to rebalance and we connect with our true self. It’s time for us to come together in a space where we can rest. Refuel. I read the name. Hope to see you there.
Yeah, I love it. I think I think it’s been really helpful. And even if somebody else doesn’t take it, and this was something that was told to me, first off, never tell someone what their Enneagram is. Never be like, Oh, you’re a six. Because then they’re going to go and be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: You bleed. We don’t have a bleeper yet, but that is not who I am. I am not like that. And it will hurt these feelings. Yeah. Or
Speaker 1: They won’t be in your inner circle anymore. So just you can subconsciously recognize and if you’re playing a game or you’re at the session and someone says, what am I? Then you can answer. But unless it’s something that’s brought on, I wouldn’t encourage you to do so. There can be some detriments and once you read it, you’ll understand why. But I think it’s been just a really amazing tool for me in my marriage. As well as me as just a person that then has broken down, broken down barriers but then also allowed me to set boundaries in other areas of my life that needed boundaries that I also didn’t set. So it helped to have health. Yeah. The overall health of yourself and your relationship. Totally. That’s awesome. I think even from the perspective of like the mind and body cause that’s like the emotional piece and, and I always am talking about the alignment of all three and how important they are.
It helped me recognize even when I can be overachieving in my body consciousness or vice versa and just completely not doing it. Same with my mind. Like I’m constantly racing. I need to have those times of checkout, those times of rest, those times to be still. And it’s, you know, it’s finding that balance and I was listening to the new Rachel Hollis book that’s out right now, girl, stop apologizing. And she was talking about how she thinks balance is total like hoopla. And because if you think about it on a scale or if you think about it on a pendulum or any of those things, you can never fully be balanced because, at some point in that moment or that day or that season of your life, you’re focused on one thing more than the other. After all, you want to get that part more healthy. So mentally with, I’m going to therapy on a weekly basis, I’m trying to get my mind and my heart right.
And then I don’t have time or energy because I’m crying all the time to go to the gym because people see me crying there and it’s just, it’s too emotional. I did it. I couldn’t do it simultaneously. So like I went through the heart healing and the mental healing. Then I went through the body healing and then the spirituality, which of course is a whole component in and of itself. I did that in tandem with everything because I do feel like that is a part of what keeps you balanced and able to even exist. But she was talking instead of the word balance, she uses the word center. And I like that because you have a center and you can kind of see that triangular piece around it. And it’s similar to the circle from the Enneagram that if there’s going to be times when you’re shifted towards one side or the other, that doesn’t mean that you’re completely doing it all wrong because you do not mind, body and soul balanced. So, it intrigued and challenged me and I wonder where that goes as far as an overall discussion standpoint. But I think that it has a lot of
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. The importance of it. Definitely. I mean keeping, keeping yourself, I mean in balance or a centered, like just keeping mindful of all of your parts. Like that’s ultimately in my mind, that’s ultimately what it’s about is keeping mindful of all of the different parts of who you are that make up who you are. Yeah. And sometimes there are things that we have to shut down or that someone’s telling us that we need to shut down or a young age. And we do because we’re children and we don’t know any different. Totally. And so that’s part of, that’s part of the joy of being a human. You get to figure out, okay, what, at least for me what inside of me has been shut down or what inside of me am I not fully operating out of like what, what is not fully living from inside of me out. Does that mean
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I mean that’s what being fully whole to me means or living fully well like that is to be able to not feel trapped in any component of who you are. And I live like that for so long that it’s the most freeing thing to not stand in that place. And that doesn’t mean that, again, you’ve said it from the get-go, it’s perfect. It doesn’t mean that I have days that I just want to call back in bed or that I’m not sad or that I’m not angry. Absolutely. I think I experienced all of those emotions just yesterday and here I am smiling and like interacting. It doesn’t close me off like it used to anymore because I know, okay, if this part is broken, what can I do over here to move me back into that place of being centered and feeling well because life is hard and it hurts and there’s a lot of things that cause you to be unbalanced. But I can’t blame those things because I’m only can control me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So true. So, so true. I was gonna I was thinking something I could and now
Speaker 1: That’s okay. That’s usually what happens. I did want to, there was another thing that you were mentioning and it was the concept of you’ve talked about setting intentions and like this idealized concept of like relationships or a scenario. And Gary always talks to me about, you know, not setting expectations. But expectations versus intentions are two very different things. Yeah. Because of an expectation, you’re likely going to be let down with an intention. You have the hope for something. And it’s, it can be more on your side. And this is my intention. You can’t depict or discern what somebody else’s intention is that’s being brought to the table. That would be an expectation. I’m expecting them to come this way versus an intention is I’m going to come this way regardless of what comes. Yeah. So I really liked that you’re setting the intention.
Speaker 2: I have I don’t remember when, but it was probably three to five years ago whenever I first started wanting to be intentional and I’m like, there are days
I don’t give a crap. I just want to be selfish today. I just want to cry. I just want to not do anything.
So there are definitely days where I’m like, no, I’m just going to be intentionally on intention.
There are other days where I’m like, no, like with these relationships, I want to be intentional in how I’m speaking. And this is, it’s no, no longer is it at the forefront of my mind. It’s more so in the back of my mind because it’s been practicing. And that’s probably the other thing that I was going to say was whenever you were talking that I forgot is the life is going to hit you one way or another, it’s going to hit you and it’s also going to live to you. But it’s all like you said, it’s all in how we choose, how to react to it. But part of that in my mind is practice. Every single day you get an opportunity to practice how you respond to things and, and not just how you respond to things, but also intentionally like go inside and say, okay, what’s going on in my body right now?
What’s going on in my mind? What’s going on in my emotions? Am I nom? Am I sad? Am I grieving? I’m like, be intentional about what’s going on. And not just understanding it, but also reaching out and if you need healing or if you need reaching out and internally, whether it’s with God or whether it’s with, eh, I don’t know. I mean whoever you believe in. Yeah. Doctors. Yeah, but intentionally doing something to help yourself. Yeah. And it can even be like, you know, I love myself. Yeah. Like in, at that moment I’m crying and I’m allowing myself to cry and loving and just not trying to shut myself down. Because if you try and shut yourself down, whenever you’re feeling any kind of emotion, you’re shutting, literally shutting apart of yourself also true. And, and, but whenever you allow it to come out, there is freedom. As you said, there is so much freedom and, and I really firmly believe that each day we get an opportunity to practice. You know, I just found a new phrase, experiential freedom. I saw this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: It was on your pantry. Yes. It’s my thing, I think,
Speaker 2: But it’s, it’s so true. And it’s like experience or freedom, not just internally, but like, so we like, let me tie it all in again. So, you know, I dunno, let’s, let’s use an example. Maybe that’ll help. So I have a crappy day and crappy day being, I get a flat tire. My boyfriend breaks up with me, my dad has cancer. And I dunno, I, I get a notice that I have to leave 30 days out of my house. So that’s it. That’s a really shitty thing. Sorry but that’s a really, really bad day. So In each moment, that I find all of these things out, I can choose to intentionally like, okay, like for instance, whenever I get a flat tire, okay, well this is frustrating, you know what I mean? And, and then I can go in and be like, okay, what am I feeling? Like this is really making me pissed off. Like, I hate that. Why do I have to have, I’m on my way to work, you know what I mean? So I’m expressing getting it out, whether it’s me just literally talking to myself or me just like whatever, whatever it is, you know what I mean? But that’s what I need at that moment and allowing myself, giving myself that experiential, I’m experiencing the emotion, the freedom to be able to experience it. And so, and for instance, or if, you know, my boyfriend breaks up with me.
So there’s a lot that goes in with that because you have hopes, you have dreams that are tied to that. You have emotions that are tied to that. And so you, for me, if I were to experience that, I would need to go in and be like, okay, so what all is going on? And I would just listen to what’s going on in my body. And sometimes there’ll be, you know, this is weird, but this is totally like a therapy thing. Like there’s a little girl inside of me that’s crying because she was hoping that this would be a person that she gets to spend the rest of her life with. So, and there’s also, and so it’s all the expectations that I had been, I’m so disappointed about now. So it’s, so having to, giving myself the opportunity to experience that sadness, to experience disappointment and to cry if I need to cry.
Sometimes I’ll be honest, like last year I was incredibly busy and so sometimes people’s lives are so busy that they don’t have time to be able to do this. And that’s totally okay. So timing is everything. I’m a firm believer that timing is everything. And so if you, if you, your life is super, super busy, that’s okay too. If you put it on a shelf, like literally like my boyfriend just broke up with me but I got to go to work. Yeah, let me just put this on a shelf right here and then we’ll come back to it later. Yeah. I can’t do it. So, so that is, sometimes you have to do that too. And that’s interesting. Yeah, that’s totally okay. Because life hits you sometimes. Whatever you don’t want it to, your notice is going to be crazy. You have to go to work, not parent when your baby’s like, hello, I’m hungry. Exactly. Exactly. And this also,
Speaker 1: So I want to extend this out, not just can we find experiential freedom within ourselves, but we can also find experiential freedom outside of ourselves and, and so that can be with God. That can be with, you know, I find experiential freedom in traveling. Yeah. Like whenever I get to, I had the opportunity to travel to Europe in Spain in the early fall, last year for the first time by myself.
Speaker 2: It was amazing. I was like, this is so great. Do you know? It was also scary.
Speaker 2: No, It’s definitely also scary. Like, Oh, there was like a creeper Uber dude. And he was like, so you know who’s here right now? I’m doing a horrible accident. And I was like, my boyfriend, my big tall boyfriend,
Speaker 1: Okay,
Speaker 2: I’m going to be here for two weeks, not another day. You know, I’m not leaving tomorrow. I believe he gets two weeks, you know? So there were definitely scary times,
Speaker 1: But it was amazing. Amazing for me. I found so much freedom in that and it was just the best. I got to, you know, kayak on the Mediterranean, snorkel in the Mediterranean. I mean, that experience for me brought me so much freedom and so much more understanding of the world. Absolutely. It was amazing.
It’s like an experiential cultural freedom culture in and of itself can be really debilitating if this is the only place you’ve been. I totally am an advocate of traveling literally even two hours in a different direction and you will find a different culture. It’s just different and so, and I think you know you’re saying the components of fear and that were happening, like getting outside of your comfort zone is such a place of experiencing freedom. Anytime that you achieved something new, you were not there before and so that that achievement here I am achieving again, Lord helps me.
Speaker 2: It’s okay. It just naturally comes with me.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this is an amazing accomplishment. I feel so great here but it took steps of fear and deceptive uncomfortability and steps of unknown to get to that next level of freedom. And I think too like you can get to space even spiritually of being free and then all of a sudden you hit a roadblock again. You’re like, how did this happen? I was just free last week at the altar and here I am on my knees again. What’s wrong with me? I think it’s less about looking at it on that, but looking at it like why are the wise people wise? They’ve walked through this, they’ve done this before. They’ve trashed the path because it isn’t a matter of check one box, check two checked three boxes and you’re there, you’ve had reached existentialism. It doesn’t work like that. And that’s the cool like a component of life and like the gift that God’s given us is that it doesn’t end any matter if you’re just getting started or you feel like I am on the peak of the peak and there is nothing higher in there, I am not going down. Life does happen. So I love experiential freedom. I’m like trying to do it right. Yeah. Now it’s so fun. I love it.
That’s a big whenever I, you know, discovered that phrase. It was definitely like, Oh my gosh, everything that I do is about experiential freedoms. So beautiful. Do you know what I mean? Like, and now granted I’m a type four and so a lot of type four well, I mean it is, it’s a type four is all about finding identity and, and so their core desire is to figure out who they are and belonging and their core fear is not knowing and not having a place to belong. And so for me, I’ve also been challenging myself in my own mind. You know, to not put this identity in all the experiential freedom I’ve had or all the experience of freedom I’m going to have, but it’s still at the end of the day about the relationship. Then, going back to what I said at the very beginning, about those people that are in my core group of friends, if they don’t want to change, okay.
If they don’t want to experience freedom, okay, I still love you. Do you know what I mean? Like I still, I still love you because I’m in a relationship with you and, and so for me, it’s, yes, that’s a huge thing. Like experiential freedom is huge and it’s incredibly healing. It can be, it can be an amazing doorway Avenue to finding life in life because of so many goes. So many people would just go about life and don’t experience life. And so that can be an amazing gateway to that. But at the end of the day, it’s still about relationships. That’s really cool. So
For me, and this is something that Gary and I like, our love thrives in is the relationship of experimental experiential freedom. Like when we get to do those things together like that’s such a connecting point for us that it literally brings us back to the center. And I think that that experience that even with those people who are in your inner circle as friends, I remember taking Morgan and Anthony like on the ho Chi Minh trail, which we talked about in the first podcast and she was scared out of her ever-loving mind. She was probably crazy.
Speaker 2: My name under her breath the whole time, which I know because she told me and I heard her, but then she got to the table and she was like,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I just did this. And so to have that experience with people and you know the quote of you are the five people that you’re surrounding yourself with and you take inventory of what those people look like. And if you’re not happy, there’s something about you that’s like, I’m drowning. Look, and, and not just within yourself, but what you’re surrounding yourself with. Because it could not be that it’s you, but you’re only hearing or you’re only seeing the example or the condemnation of words over you. So I feel like, in order to get to that place, that’s a very practical step in relation, whether you’re, it’s with your spouse and not telling you to take them to the door because that would not be a good idea. No. Go see the negative.
Speaker 2: She will help you. We’ll leave. You want us, of course, of course, but to look at that
Speaker 1: Inventory and see where you’re at, what you’re experiencing when you’re with that person, what they’re pulling out of you, what they’re giving back. Yeah. Because sometimes what is the other thing that somebody said recently? Choose love. Choose to love the people who love you back. And you’re really good at loving people despite whether they love you back. And at some point, while that’s really good, I feel like I’m doing that right now through a couple of relationships. That’s really hard to do. At some point, you have to recognize that these people will be over here. They’re not the inner circle people where the boundary comes up.
Speaker 2: Yes, he is so good. We’ve had so many buzzwords, like intentional boundaries. I mean, my, my therapist’s going to so proud of me. So good. Well, I think today has been amazing. I feel like I knew this was going to happen. We can seriously continue forever because I didn’t even get to talk to you about the mind, body, soul boom piece. So that’s coming to you next time. I’m not going to tell you what the boom is until you come back, but maybe as I told you, it is such a joy. Her smile, her laugh
Speaker 1: There, her heart and her, her purpose are something that I am just so grateful to be a part of. So thank you for allowing me to love you. Thank you. Thank you for loving me, and I hope other people really got to see a bit of you and learn something from this and take it home. Definitely. That’s always my hope is that I feel like I have so much knowledge and
Speaker 2: Experience to experience with freedom. Come on now.
Speaker 1: I am at the cusp of beginning to pour it out and so
Speaker 2: That’s exciting.