While painting, the tears dropped one by one. As they became the paint drips that passed through the brush strokes, I saw them washed away, used as a part of the water base for the plan of refresh for the shutters. I felt the burden finally release as I heard the heart of The Father reassure me through a mans voice.⠀
Listening to two of my fan favs, Rachel Hollis and Ed Mylett (if you don’t know them – go search them now), Ed was sharing with Rachel about his perspective on mom-guilt. Which of course, as a mom you plan to take with a grain of sand since he’s a man and couldn’t possibly fully comprehend the emotion…but this was different. He took the angle of my children and this is my gift to you…my takeaway that has freed me from the pressure of society and the internal battle of my mind and heart.
Mom guilt is real. We’re asked “how do we balance in all?” Yet, men never get asked the same question. The kiddos beg for me to stay when I leave for a creative meeting and yet I’ve been with them for 8 hours prior. When they just hug and wave when dad leaves, I’m thankful but also a twinge jealous. It pulls at my heart strings. I miss their bed time sometimes. When the text chimes through with a picture, I want to be on their daddy adventure with them. I don’t want to miss a moment.⠀ But when you are called He doesn’t call you into guilt or fear or unsatisfied depletion. He provides abundantly. He refreshes abundantly. He reassures abundantly. When I’m in that space I’m on cloud 9.Helping people. Letting my testimony shine so it may illuminate others. ⠀
And I don’t want to throw that word calling out so lightly, as I know it has become a trigger word for some. You may in fact be called to motherhood! You may in fact be called to steward your home full time or work a 9-5 career forever. You may be a 12-hr shift night nurse or a 10 day a month 24-hour firefighter! CALLING does not place you into this solo bracket of entrepreneurship, stages or big lights…calling is innately gifted to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US uniquely. It’s a place of alignment in comprehending and ultimately hearing, who it is you were made to be and walking that out, not by your own might or vision, but by the pathway laid before you from God. So please, don’t confuse this message. Know that mama, you are a world changer. Know that accountant as you punch numbers for that small business, Fortune 500 or international non-profit company, YOU are imperative to the growth and success of the kingdom, no different than the one in the lime light.
My question to you that Ed so delicately asked, in different words no less, but how I received it:
What if you DIDN’T pursue the passion boiling inside of you? What if when you get into the conversation with your children about their pathway in life, the pursuit of their dreams, the yearning of their hearts and the guidance of the Lord…and what if their answer is “but why didn’t you?” “Why didn’t you do what makes you happy?”
Tears mixed with aqua blue paint as I released the emotion of years of build up.
We get to be both, AND. We get to be great moms AND great at other things. I don’t know what YOUR thing is…maybe it’s your career that you pour your heart into or a hobby or, like me, an entrepreneurial pursuitfor more, but THIS token can change your life because it puts you into action TODAY instead of 18 years from now.
Just like when I walk into the play or the classroom or the sports practice and all I see are my babies more than anyone else. They too see their mama. And they want to see me happy and flourishing and effecting positive change. They want to see me satisfied and overflowing for them. I am their example. I am their access to illumination. They see ME in the crowd. They notice ME first. ⠀ I’m planting the seeds to the abundance I want them to feel when they are older. For a life they can cultivate on their own through the guidance of the holy spirit. If I want them to pursue their dreams and I don’t show them how, will they even have the bravery to try?!
Guilt be gone my friend. Guilt flee. The paint dries and I stand back in satisfaction. He is doing a new thing, a good thing, a purposed thing. I will not stand in His way or my own by letting mom guilt control my actions or emotions.
Hebrews 12:2 Keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set out for him he endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.