Do you want to love your husband well? This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lindey Maestas from The Living Easy Podcast. She is on a mission to strengthen marriages by reminding people that it is not just a horizontal love we are looking for, but one we include God in vertically as well.
The Wife Project, her new course
Loving Christ more helps us love our husbands more
About her podcast, The Living Easy Podcast
About her life, her marriage, and her mission
Lindsey Maestas is the host of The Living Easy Podcast where she discusses faith and relationships and gives women ideas, opportunities, and practical tips for real change because ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’.
Lindsey is also a lifestyle blogger, wife, and momma of two boys based in Albuquerque, NM. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, Relevant Magazine, Faithit, Focus on the Family, Better Homes & Gardens, and more.
She speaks vulnerably about the challenges of relationships and real-life while sharing practical wisdom and tips. She loves to read, eat tacos, and binge-watch Netflix with her husband.
Where to Find Lindsey:
Where to Find Tamra Andress, the Host of the Fit in Faith Podcast
I’d love to get to know you.
TEXT Me at 📱757-906-3734
Show Notes: Loving God Well Helps You Love Your Husband Well
All right, ladies, I know it’s Valentine’s week and you’re dropping it like it’s hot over here, but this is critical. Whether you’re married, you’re not married, you’re want to be married, you’re divorced. You any of the things regarding marriage? Lindsey really shows up and shows out today as she not only uncovers what the Wife Project her new course is all about. She’s also telling us in sharing that it’s not about the loving on a horizontal level until we can understand that vertical alignment.
And we all know that that’s what I preach on all the time because it is so good. But specifically around love and partnership, I really don’t think that there is a bigger message that’s more important than this one right here. So you’re going to love her. She’s incredible, ncredible sweet, kind. And she’s also a podcast host of the Living Easy podcast. So if you have yet to go tune into that, do it right after this. You’ll get some good stuff, not just about being a wifey, but so much more.
You’re going to find out all about who she is. So tune in and enjoy. This is your Godwink, the moment that happened says for such a time as this, it’s time to own your joy, prioritize your health, discover your wealth and exude your wholeness. It’s time to become truly fit. However, this isn’t a fitness podcast, though. I’m a retired personal trainer and nutritionist. This isn’t business jargon or tips and tricks to landing your successful passion project, though that’s totally why I’m a business coach.
This isn’t a quick fix health detox ploy. Though, I’m all for therapy and I love Whole Foods. I do have a YOLO side sweet toot. This isn’t confusing religious banter. Though, I’m an ordained minister still figuring out the many things and facets and faces of Jesus. It’s really none of that. So I’m wondering if you’re wondering what is this? Well, this is an opportunity to join me alongside other big dreamers, innovative movers and lifestyle shakers as we explore and share our messy comeback stories and discoveries with each of you.
Fellow passionate seekers, the Fit and Faith Movement was birthed through my own trial and error, discovery of mind, body and soul alignment. And to be totally transparent, my own entrepreneurial crash and burn experiences. I’ve learned firsthand that being fit isn’t about our physique at all. It’s not about our qualifying abilities or titles. It’s not about our potential. It’s truly about our God gifted passions, meeting our purpose. You are one step away from achieving your idea, your dream, your calling, your purpose, whatever you want to call it.
And I want to be there for the moment that you say yes in freedom, clarity and confidence that you are living fully fit in who and whose you were made to be. Welcome to the Fit in Faith Podcast with me Tamra Andress. There is no better time than now to get fit.
Hey, hey, hey, that was so fun. You look good in blue, I think blue might be your color.
I love the little intro
It makes it so fun because I literally don’t watch it before intentionally so that I get excited and jazzed up for the sound. But it’s really fun. So I am so honored to be with you today. You guys, this has been a long time coming. I actually didn’t show up to my own podcast. I’m going to call myself out here. This is the one time that this has actually happened and I felt terrible. But I also was in St.
John on a surprise trip from my sister, so a little bit of grace. And Lindsey you were so grace filled. I was so grateful because I was like my stomach was in knots. I felt terrible two years into this thing and letting that happen on Christmas week. I know how valuable our time is as mammas, as podcasters. She’s a fellow broadcaster, as you saw with the Living Easy podcast and so many more things. So thank you. And I’m so excited we’re finally doing this.
Oh my gosh, no. And I’m like a travel bug. So any opportunity for travel, I am like, I get it. I take it right.
I’m going to Tulum and T minus eight days and there’s one bed left. So if you really have the travel bug…
I recently went to a hotel, they say Hotel Skerrett. Yeah. I think an hour from a little north. Yeah. It was the most incredible hotel, I mean resort, all-inclusive and experience. And that was my first time in Mexico. That was a few months ago. And I enjoyed it so much for a wedding.
Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Yes, I intend to. We’ve got nine gals going with us. And so I just my heart for women in that space is just truly rest and relax and find that rejuvenation. But more importantly, spiritual alignment. And I know that that’s important to you, too. So I’m excited to just dive in. I want you to I could bio you right. I could read your bio, but that’s never fun.
I love to hear it from the heart, from the mouth of the person who’s on the show. So tell us a bit about you and let’s dive in once you explain that into a specific question I have for you, I’m a hold tight until you showcase you.
Sure. So my name is Lindsey Maestas. I live currently in Albuquerque, New Mexico, although my husband and I are actually planning to move within the next few months to the Franklin, Tennessee Nashville area. So I’ve lived here for thirty years. Thirty one years, born and raised, never left. And we’re just ready for a little bit of a change. I have two boys. I’ve been married for nine years this week and truly love my marriage.
And my focus with the Living Easy podcast is to challenge the status quo and what we talk about. We’re currently doing a Sex in Christianity series where we’re talking about the nitty gritty stuff that a lot of people have competence and men growing up in the church, which I didn’t, but growing up in the church, this was just never discussed. And so I like to kind of dig into that stuff. I like the rough topics. I share my testimony, which is one of the sexual abuse, turned into promiscuity, turned into co-dependency and then healing through my marriage.
And so I started a blog five years ago in the thick of postpartum anxiety and then just kind of started sharing the really gross stuff of my life, like the yucky mess and have the motto like, you’re more than your mess because God redeems all things and he’s so faithful to make us new and complete. And so, yeah, I just I like the uncomfortable stuff. I don’t know what it is about me, but it just makes me feel I think more than anything Jesus allows that when we’re willing to share the nitty gritty in the vulnerable to bring freedom to other people.
So I yeah, that is pretty much my in a little break open that not because I too am so partnering in that that belief system, that if we can actually break open and actually have those real, real conversations, there are such freedom, there is such transformation that occurs in that place because we are broken and brokenness requires and Jesus is the healer and the healing balm of all things to be able to put those pieces back together the way that they are intentionally supposed to be designed.
He is the potter, right? We are the clay. And so thinking of ourselves is just like a big ol muddy piece on the on the potter’s wheel. And I’ve been there are actually a lot of our storyline matches sexual trauma for me as well. Co-dependency is definitely a part of that. Pornography was a part of that promiscuity and lots of different ways. As a part of that, it actually led into my marriage. So I’m curious, was that a part of your marriage or you guys were able to find that healing before marriage was a part of the covenant?
So when we got engaged, I say that Jesse offered me a respect that I never even knew that I wanted or needed. And he wanted to cherish my body. He knew my past. I was very open with him from the beginning. He was a. Open with me, his past was a lot more clean, I like to say, than mine, but redemption is all the same, right? And so as I kind of came into, this is really hard for me because with sexuality as a whole, I felt that that was what validated our relationship.
That was what told me you’re wanted your senior loved one. That was not a part of our engagement and dating. I felt unseen and unloved and I fought it like I would literally pounce on him sometimes. And I need you to validate me. And he was just like, I am, I am honoring you. You just don’t and that I’m honoring you. And he said it will it’ll bring it all to fruition when we get married. But right now, you need to understand that we’re not going to rely on this as a crutch.
And I think that’s what that did for us in that time, was it prevented us from using sexuality and intimacy as a crutch to lean on. And we then had to fill those gaps in that space of boredom or of of awkwardness or of discomfort or fights with actual conversation. And therefore, it resulted in a really strong emotional bond, but also a spiritual bond where we’re fighting through this together, that temptation and then also the ability for us to see, OK, this is something that has a good result and we have to fight for it and we have to communicate through the hard stuff.
And so I always say, like, our communication is probably the strongest part of our marriage because we were forced to communicate a lot about really hard stuff really early on. And then as we got married, it is definitely been progressive. And I talk about this a lot and the Living Easy podcast, because I think it’s important for women to know they’re not alone in and men in the effect that that has on you. So for me, sleeping around and having long term relationships, that doesn’t just go away when you get married, increase your nucleation, old things have passed away.
Behold, all things have become new, it says in Second Corinthians five 17. But also there are consequences of our sin. And so I live in the consequence of my sin, but I don’t embrace the consequences of it. So I’ll wake up and I’ll have a dream of an ex-boyfriend that I haven’t thought of in years or a sexual encounter or like kind of a fantasizing of something that I don’t actually want in my heart. But then it’s stuck in my head and I’ve had to learn to confess that to my husband, who I know it’s not always the case with marriages, but he’s a very gracious man and respond in that grace and just say, let me pray for you.
Let’s talk through it like is it something that’s missing here? Is it something that we can work through? But having that vulnerability with him helps me. And I believe so strongly that when our sin is in the light or our struggle or our temptation, the enemy loses his power over it. Because it’s not these thought. It doesn’t become these lies that are manifesting and just spinning in your head where you then become tempted to act them out. It is much more so an act of, OK, here it is.
But I am choosing to flee from that temptation by speaking it out to my spouse. And so to say it’s just completely gone or has been removed for me. No, I think you give away a piece of your heart in your body and you don’t get that back, but God can redeem and then use that story for me to share to other women and let them know and men and let them know. That doesn’t have to be your full story.
God redeems from sexual abuse and rape like I experienced and you experienced Tamra and and God allows us to then utilize that to show others that we’re not stuck in the mess.
So, yeah, it’s so good, so deep. You’ve got people listening live. You’re like so good, so sweet and it’s so hard. And I think a big part of me is like the understanding that there is like you said, you’re giving a part of your heart, you’re giving a part of your body when you’re giving your body away too soon is like that imprint that takes place. And I’m trying in the season that like, you know, my nieces are and are just like any child.
Right. Because I have children who aren’t in that stage yet. They’re six and seven. So I’m always thinking and processing any time that they see something on TV or they hear something like, OK, how do I create the words and how do I also live the example in my marriage to them protecting their virginity, their bodies, their hearts, even because even in emotional connection, there is an imprint. Right. And so it’s that recognition of this and really stewarding it.
Well, another thing that I think is really important, and it sounds like your husband and my husband are a lot alike, is that graciousness that they also show not only to you in front of your kiddos, maybe not that actual conversation, but that like leaning in that real true security and love and intimacy that I think most marriages and and I can raise my hand, don’t even fully know what that is. And. They come into the knowing and the alignment of their intimacy with the father and so me and my husband, we we partner in that process together as we both came into truly understanding who Jesus is and who we are in his eyes.
And so my question to you is, in this next season, as you continue to share and open up that can of worms, if you will, how do people like what’s a tactic other than just the communication? Because what if that person’s not grace filled when you respond, how then do you go about putting it in the light?
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. So many things. So one, I think that I believe in the Bible has a foundation of this love of true, genuine, vulnerable community and fellowship. That is something we have from day one of dating have had and we’ve been very blessed to have that. And I know in this season of life, it’s not as easy to have that. But we have had small groups and have small groups and just got plugged into the church and chose to be a part of that, not to consume from the church, but to give back.
But in turn, you receive so much because you’re building upon those friendships, those relationships of people that you trust. We’ve also sought out counseling. I am the biggest advocate of counseling. I always say it’s an extinguisher for the flames before they turn into the big flames that burn your house down. Just go in your good go. When you’re doing great, you’re going you have like a small little issue, but go and talk to people. And so we would go to a real therapist, Christian therapists, or we would have older couples from the church were like, hey, we just want to pick your brain.
And that is something that we’ve done consistently. And also, I think going in a situation like this where it’s a very sensitive topic and they may not know how to receive it, and that’s not to shame them for not knowing how to receive that. I think we all I know we all have different backgrounds, different experiences, and come to a different place of understanding. And we have to give one another grace in marriage or any relationship in that way to sinners coming together, trying to make things work.
But when you’re in an environment with people who can share gospel truth with you, who can love you, who can say, hey, you guys are not alone in this, it’s OK when you have a safe place like that and you’ve built up a community, it makes it easier for for the spouse to receive here. OK, this isn’t just a huge blow to me. It’s not a personal attack. This is a spiritual attack. This is an issue of sin and consequence that comes.
And I just believe so strongly that that safe place really helps. But then also gauging your spouse and what what do they need from me before I come to them in this moment, I’m doing something called the Wife Project course. I’m looking at February 17th, and it is all about becoming the wife that God created you to be. But it really challenges these topics of communication. And a husband who is maybe spiritually dry or not a believer, a non-believer is going to receive that information much differently than a believer would.
Yeah. And so how do you submit and how do they lead when they’re not a believer and how to have a whole section on the wife project about how to communicate well and fight there? That is, I believe, having the knowledge and the tools of how to have those conversations and how to engage properly in a way that loves them well, that considers them, that doesn’t allow for anger is so, so important. Whereas if you go in when you’re stressed out or they’re hungry or they’re tired and you’re like, hey, I keep having thoughts about my ex, what is that going to do to the heart of I am I’m already repentant.
Not that I have control over my dreams, but if it did lead to like lust or struggle, I’m already repentant. I’m already seeking the Lord in that. But help me. I’m asking you for your help or I’m just asking you for your prayer and moment. And if a spouse does not receive that well, because I do have friends who spouses do not receive that well, you have your safe person. We’re not going to them to vent or gossip about your husband that does not ever build him up or honor him.
But to go to them and say, hey, I’m really struggling with my junk, can you help me through my mess and love me through this? Guide me, give me counsel and scriptural truth and help me to then love my husband better even through this situation. Golly, this is fire.
And I think anybody who is whether they’re in a relational standpoint of marriage or not or expecting to be or in-between phase, whatever that looks like to you, there is so much richness in this conversation, and I, too, am such a proponent of marriage counseling and how that has changed not only the trajectory of my marriage, but the trajectory of my children’s marriages, the director of my own like flourishing lifestyle in this place that we’re at right now, it all stems from a healthy home, but ask to come from a healthy heart individually.
So we’ve done both individual counseling. Counseling together and then that communication piece, which is so critical because there’s healing from every single person, we’re all imperfect, we all have a past, no matter how clean or unclean it looks. And so it’s the realization of the deposits that happen throughout our life and how they then affect us in the responses, in the reactions, in the receiving all of that processing. So communication is definitely critical. And I’ve done some really cool like I need any Indian style conversations with my husband based on our Christian therapist.
She’s incredible. And I’ll have to connect you to because she’d be amazing on your podcast. Just be fully aware, which is better than the honeymoon. Jessica McLeese is her name, and we would sit in front of each other. And instead of actually taking place like a regular conversation, I speak, you listen, you speak, I listen, you actually do these exercises where you had to answer one specific question. One person got the floor for 20 minutes and then there was no response.
The person didn’t come back. Any communication you would just like. I receive what you’re saying. I’m going to go to sleep on it or I’m going to go about my day and we’re going to circle back to this tomorrow, the next day. That person wasn’t coming with a response to you. They were now sharing their answer to that question. So then now you’re receiving and you’re listening and you’re not responding in that moment. And then the next time you come together, it’s a back and forth conversation around whatever that question was.
How did you process that? How did you feel about that? What are your thoughts on this? How can we move forward from this? It was such a crazy communication thing that I had never practiced before. And something that I feel like is even something I should probably instill with my children or instill with my friendships that at this point I’ve only done in my marriage. So what I want to shift a little bit here, because I know your show is so much more than just even marriage.
And I want to get into the life project a little bit more because we as wives are more than just wives, right? We wear multiple hats. We show up as moms, we show up as entrepreneurs. We show up as podcasters. We show up as fashionistas and sisters and all of the things. So talk to me about in the wife project specifically or just in your podcast as a whole, how are you helping people? How are you helping us as women show up in the fullness of who we are?
So first of all, I love that communication tactic because I do think in this kind of flows into it, but that we automatically come to relationships, friendship, marriage, parenthood with defenses up. We have these emotional walls that we have built. And I have a whole episode actually about this and how we build these walls up that sometimes even make us somebody that we don’t want to be because we’re just so used to those walls. And so that’s part of the course the wife project is is talking about, OK, here are some I have marriage challenges like actionable challenges because nothing changes if nothing changes that say, you know, here’s something that you need to add way.
Go to your spouse and ask them, OK, and this is something I do with the law on dates is ask him, OK, what are two things I’ve done that this past few months that have really encouraged you or blessed your life? And then what are two things that have really discouraged you or made life harder for you or more emotional or hurtful? And the rule of thumb in the Wife Project Journal and in my life is I cannot come back with anything but.
OK, thank you for sharing that and that’s OK. This is so good. But I love even just the embrace. There is usually so conversation after that, but I love that receiving because immediately we want to defend ourselves. But the truth is, is that no matter what our intentions are, our actions portray something different. And no matter what we think we’re doing, our spouse is receiving it in that way. So why do we not want to hear from them?
And so I would say within the course, the whole purpose of the course, which I believe has such had such a positive response, is because it is not all about you get 50, your husband gives 50 with the wife project. You know, you give one hundred percent of yourself because Jesus is called you to that, not because your husband deserves it necessarily or because he’s given 100 hundred percent of himself, but because you’re trying to extinguish those fires in your heart.
And you may never see the results of this on this Earth, but you will see it in Keat with a kingdom perspective when you’re growing so deeply in your relationship with Jesus that it flows over into your marriage, into your friendships, because all of these things with relationships that we learn should be applied to our relationships with our parents, with our children, with our friends, because we are called to excellence in all things. No matter what you do, whether you eat or drink, do all the glory of God.
So are we believing that? Are we doing that in our marriages and saying, Lord, I want to do all things to you have forgiven me of so much. You paid the ultimate price on the cross for me and rose again for my sin. Therefore, who am I to withhold forgiveness from my husband? This betrayal, do I talk about how he must be long suffering and patient after he has betrayed? Absolutely. But we have a part in this, too, and so much of that is who is Jesus to me?
Do I believe in the foundation of who Christ is? Do I actually believe the identity that he has given me, that I am free from these things and I am free to admit my faults when my friend calls me out or when my kids come out on my sin and I see my son, am I free to repent to them immediately and show my weakness? Absolutely. Because then Christ is made strong right in our weakness. He is strong and we are displaying his glory in our weakness.
And so with the Wife Project and with the Living Easy podcast, my heart is always to say, like, guys, stop the front. You know, it is so wearing and it’s so exhausting. And and not that I don’t struggle with it. With a brand in social media, I have to constantly evaluate my heart. But I come to a point. I actually have episodes on social media, heart check in six days. Your phone is changing you and it comes you just have to say, OK, Lord, like I have the freedom and people are drawn to the vulnerability.
Like you’re saying, they’re drawn to that to just say, you know what, it is good for us to examine our hearts. It is OK for us to examine our hearts. And we don’t have to point the finger or blame shift our friend or our spouse. They may be wrong. Absolutely. But we’re not walking into the kingdom gates holding this person’s hand and saying, well, they did this, so I did this. We’re not going on our friends back and saying, well, she kind of went along with the gossip.
So I did, too. We’re saying, no, I fully, fully responsible for myself in my heart. And therefore I take advantage of the opportunity that I have with God’s word in front of me to say I’m going to become more like him every single day. But that takes again, nothing changes. If nothing changes, it takes intentionality and it takes mindfulness and it takes prioritizing the word over the world. It takes prioritizing Jesus over the idolatry and the things that we think fill us.
So I think that the White Project, the podcast, all of it, and just my heart and God’s word, all of it is a guideline for living a godly biblical life as a woman. But just as a Christian who desires to be more like Jesus, I think his first if I butcher this, I’m sorry, but I think it’s first down to six. This says if you claim to live in him, you must walk, as Jesus did.
That’s a huge calling. And it’s one or two totally imperfectly like I’m a mess. It was just last night I was like yelling at my kids and I’m like, Gosh, Lord, just read me of this. But the pruning is such a part of the process.
So then that’s totally why I always say, like always becoming one, because it lets us have this moment of grace with ourself every single day in every single moment. But there’s the truth that we have an opportunity. There is the truth that there is better. There is the truth that God has more faces and places and personalities that he wants to show us. But we have to continue to be in that place of submission. Like you said, submission victory exists in submission.
If we can stay in that place on our knees, God will continue to re reestablish what was broken or re-establish what is breaking you currently or re-establish you into a place of submission again because you’re trying to pick it up and do it yourself. And I love so much that everything that you’re teaching and everything that you’re showcasing is so much less about one pointing the finger, like you said, because you point a finger, there’s three fingers pointing back at you, but you oh, my gosh, I’m all over that one because I’ve seen it and I’ve done it.
And I realise what’s happening is actually like this inner turmoil. But you also continue to say something that is making me see not just this self reflection. Right? We live in a self care, self love society, not just looking at the mirror, but actually shifting our eyes to Jesus, actually looking at him and putting him in the forefront even of our own reflection so that we can emulate what he has put before us as the example, both in the word and both in his life and legacy here and in the Holy Spirit.
Even like God go before me in this conversation, God show up in because I am weak. Show up for me right now and let me be transparent in this conversation. Let him receive you within me instead of the flesh within me that is filled with shame, that is repentant, and that’s amazing. But it’s this recognition that there is a covenant between you and your husband that has that third strand. Right, that God exists in the middle. And so if we both come in like we’re going to face Jesus in this moment, how would you respond?
It’s going to be so different than you coming up with those fists ready to punch. Right. And that’s just a part of it. And so it’s really recognising that if we can stay in that place of some. An arms open, eyes open, we can truly allow God to exist in the middle. That’s so good. And I.
All right, quick pause, I love that you’re tuning into this show, really, your shares, your subscribers and reviews, even your listeners mean a ton to me personally and honestly to all of us who put these shows out weekly for your listening pleasure.
But are you ready?
I think it’s time that I put you in the hot seat for a question.
If you’re resonating with all of these multi passionate, God loving success stories, then I believe one of your own. Maybe you’re even in the midst of that comeback. Regardless, there is a deeper message inside of you, I am sure of it. It’s your why factor for living life. So here’s the question. Why not turn that mess into a message by starting a podcast of your very own? It’s time for you to amplify. And since I’ve been broadcasting for a couple of years now and I’ve trained dozens of shows into to launch, I’ve also hit top of the charts across the globe.
Why would you want to learn from anybody else? I’m also pretty fun and so is my team and we put together this E course and don’t stop here. Don’t fast forward. Hold out. I know you’re thinking e course because everybody’s got a course, but this one is truly as good as it gets. I give you a behind the scenes step by steps. My team is screen sharing exactly what they do. Post-Processing there are video modules and a workbook.
Plus we offer direct group coaching with us. No videos of us live in action. Let’s create that human to human connection. So really there’s nothing like it. I would encourage you to go check out Tamra Andress dot com and check out the course tab. Once you get there, there’s even a free mini course option if you want to see the behind the scenes and not really take my word for it, though, you should take my word for it.
You’re here listening to me right now. So I appreciate you. We love you. We encourage you.
But girl, boy, man, woman, father, dog, whatever. It’s time for you to amplify. All right. Now let’s get back to the show.
I agree so much with what you’re saying and what you’re saying. I love these little comments from people. It’s so fun and encouraging. I agree. And I think one of the most common struggles within any relationship is that of pride. And it’s really easy for us. And this is maybe bringing up a little hard topic, but it’s really easy for us to pinpoint sexual sin or alcoholism or drug abuse or swearing and profanity because it’s an external thing that we’re seeing that pride that God says multiple times throughout scripture that he hates.
We just brush that under the rug like it’s nothing. And yet it seeps into everything that we do, because when we put ourselves on a pedestal and say in entitlement, I deserve my friend to respond to me this way or to show me this kind of attention I deserve for my husband to see me and to do this for me and to serve me. We lose sight of God’s calling in our lives when it says Jesus came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.
What a calling for us to say. I want to lay down my pride. And I’ll always remember it was one of our first really big fights when we got married and I was laying on the couch and I was sitting and divorce was like my greatest fear and I’m thankful I got through the fear. Not that I still don’t hate the idea because I did it in its own way, but I sat there and I just heard not audibly, but just the Holy Spirit convicting my heart in.
Are you going to let your pride ruin your marriage by chipping away slowly? Because as long as all those little foxes, that’s a whole portion of the life project to the Little Foxes, the little frustrations and ticks and fights that happened that then turn into those big things that we tend to push aside.
But usually at the core of all of our problems is the root of pride. Unforgiveness, pride leads with unforgiveness. We don’t deserve to be hurt. Therefore, I refuse to forgive you in spite of God. Forgive me for so much. When we don’t want to fix an argument or a fight, we’re saying he needs to apologize first. She needs to apologize first. And I just remember hearing I probably threw a sermon. If I win this fight, nobody wins.
If my husband, friend or my child wins this fight, nobody wins because the goal is the pride. And to say I am the ruling king, right. I have one. But if God wins, if we both set our sights toward the kingdom, it’s like a triangle where we’re both working up toward the kingdom of God with an eternal perspective and saying we don’t have time for these petty arguments. There’s far too much at hand for us to be arguing over such simple things.
And sometimes they are big things. But it’s to say. But God is for. So much so who am I to put myself on this pedestal and say, treat me this way, do this? Of course. I mean, toxicity, abuse, all of those things I’m talking about for sure works. I’m not talking about abuse in that. I say get help, get counseling, go to someone immediately. But to just say, hey, he really made me mad and he offended me or he didn’t help clean the table tonight.
And I’m going to sit in silence and emotionally manipulate or be unkind. That is to say, OK, like I am allowing the enemy to get a foothold in my life and to start chipping away at each one of those moments. But if we’re to just say, you know what, like I did on the couch, I’m like, all right, Lord, I don’t want to. And he does not deserve an apology, but I don’t want to ruin my marriage.
So I’m going to stand up and walk in there. And as kindly as I can say, I’m sorry, no buts, no excuses, no justifications, just I’m sorry. And what does that do to our humility softens them, our ability people when we’re to say I was wrong or what for what I did, I am so sorry.
I want to honor God with my life and me sitting in my pride in my anger and resentment will not do that. Forgive me for my wrong and move along. And it usually without expectation, though, will soften them. And it just comes to a place where you just say, Lord, I am only responsible if you’re talking about I’m only responsible for myself, so how can I live peaceably with all so far as it depends on me like Rakolta in Romans twelve.
That is, it’s, it is a constant life evaluation and it takes a heavy reliance upon the spirit and the word of God to get you to go. Good.
I think the thing that speaks to me most in this is because me and my husband, we always said that we were like just alike. Everyone’s like, oh my God, you guys are so similar. And for a long time, like four years, we dated about probably three, four, almost four years into our marriage. We hadn’t had a big fight. We had never really thought honestly at all. Like we got along, like we have this great relationship.
Everybody from the outside looking in. The most we would fight is like if Google was wrong or right, like we would be like, you’re wrong. It is totally a pride thing. Totally a bad thing. Yeah, probably more my pride than his pride because his heart is just kind of so friendly.
We never fought, really. And I want to speak into those couples too, because what was happening during that time is I was taking note, I was literally tallying every single time something would happen, I would feel quieted by him trying to speak up in a good way and fight for our marriage. But I constantly felt belittled. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough. I constantly felt like I wasn’t able to speak into any situation. But at the same time, I’m knowing, like, God, he’s supposed to steward the home.
Right. But this is when you put it in the triangle perspective. It just creates so much more clarity in the visual of how we are supposed to operate as husband and wife. And yes, there are reasons that our husbands strengths are their strengths and our weaknesses, our weaknesses and vice versa. But there’s there’s supposed to be this equally yoked experience happening in this relationship for us to actually steward the speed at which we come to God. Right. And the yearning for that.
And there might be an asymmetry in that in different seasons and to also have grace for that. But we hadn’t thought up until this point. And we finally came into like a massive holding point where every tally I had ever taken was now out on the floor. This is because this you did this this is this. I’ve been carrying this for this. I’ve been carrying this for this. And and the word divorce came out before all of that. And he’s like white, like we have a perfect marriage.
How could you even say that? Like, his heart was broken just by the word. And that meant that I had been simmering on it long enough for it to come out of my mouth. This is before me really having a relationship with Jesus at all. I knew this, but that was it. And it was a time of brokenness in our marriage. But that process of rebuilding was all footed in communication and now moving forward and we’re now five years past this time frame is every little thing doesn’t have to be a big thing, but you do have to do something about it.
You do have to say something about it just like a dream. It doesn’t feel like a big thing, but it could fester. It could become an action later or something little like not clearing the table. And you then go to sleep kind of angry, a little bit frustrated. That then goes into you getting the kids ready in the morning. I’ll do that. I’ve got it. I do it all anyway. Right. Why, why? What’s in it other than pride.
Right. And so I love this experience that you’re going to be taking women through in this wife project. And and how are you are you paralleling the the spouse into this conversation? Is this something where like me as a wife, I just walk through by myself, or am I bringing conversations to my husband or what does that look like? Yeah. So first of all, I love what you said. I love your little powerhouse, I feel like it’s so good and I just I love this kind of dialogue, but I talk about and that just related back to what I’m sharing in a portion and kind of what I share a lot in the podcast as well as love holds no record of wrongs.
And that is not a command to say because I forgive means I trust and I am safe. No, there is a rebuilding and a redemption process, but it is to say love is no record of wrongs. I we just have a rule. We never say never and we never say always because you’re rule, but you’re saying, OK, you always do this, you’re not giving any grace, you’re not giving any room for the Holy Spirit even to work.
Because to say that somebody is the same person they were yesterday, if they are filled with the Holy Spirit, is to say to the Holy Spirit is not who he says he is. So for us to believe that that he is a redemptive, changing God and that he can, like, soften the hardest of hearts is to then say, God, you are bigger than this issue. And I’m not going to bring to my husband what he did last week.
Just like you’re saying, I will not hold that record of that wrong. This is a new situation. Granted, if it’s pornography addiction, if it’s talking to women, if it’s things that are continuously damaging and not something where you’re just holding on to it so that you can be bitter, you then are drinking the poison ultimately and hoping that they die. It’s saying let me carry the weight of this burden and say, hey, I’m holding on to this so that I can feel better about myself while it is making me more and more angry at you and so many things.
And so with the Wife project, it is like very much so. It’s difficult. It was an interesting process for me to go through and to say it’s not about him right now. It’s about you, because everything that our spouse does does impact the way that we live. And so it was really just a God thing to navigate through that and to say, OK, we will go to him and to discuss these things.
But first, prepare your heart first, your heart first, set your eyes on Jesus and in the sixty seven page Life Project Journal.
So there’s eight video sessions about an hour long each forty five minutes, but they’re broken into like seven to fifteen minute portion so people can keep their focus and their attention and talking about really deep topics. Right. And, and heart evaluation like examine yourself and find those deep seated issues and struggles you had within yourself and how do they affect your marriage. And then the Wife Project Journal they’ll go through as we talk. And there are so many things there, the marriage challenges that challenge you to silently serve your husband.
You’re not telling him what you’re doing. You’re waking up every morning and saying, OK, this is something that would make him feel loved and I’m doing it without expectation. And then there are conversation starters for date nights. I have, I think, a list of 15 to 20 questions to ask when things are amicable and friendly so that you can begin that conversation. But again, with the rules of you are only going to hear them, I have a lot of memory versus little note cards that they can print out and put on their mirror or in their car windshield so that they’re constantly reminded.
So it is absolutely drawing him in. And I do recommend it. If you want your husband to listen to this with you, I think that would be amazing. But I don’t want any looking to each other. And part of it is I need to just see myself right now. I see myself. But in that I’m going to grow from roommates to soulmates because I am actually putting in the work. And when our spouse like first Peter says, if you live in a conduct, if you live in a way that show I’m just paraphrasing, but it shows Christ to your husband without speaking a word, he will love a price for you.
So that’s the purpose. It’s not to say I’m going to fix my husband. No, God doesn’t cause you to be a fix in my life. So love him hard and love him well, while digging so deeply into your relationship with Jesus that it has to flow over, it has to pour out.
And so in that way, it really is intended to strengthen your marriage in a way that you’ve never seen before and in hopes that your husband will say what is going on with so good focus on the Lord and your soul like servant minded and you’re so gracious in your joyful like what changed?
So that is my heart, which is so amazing because I know that there are plenty of marriages out there who the women are in their faith and the husbands might not be or there’s skeptics on either side or whatever that looks like. But when you have this intimacy with God and it’s really in communion with just you and him, that overflow that you’re talking about is clearly abundant. Like your life is just palpable. Or anybody to receive, and it’s going to be the people who are closest to you who are going to get to earn it first, and so it’s not just the spillover of your marriage, it’s the spillover of your children.
It’s a spillover of your home, your work everywhere that you show up. Right. You’re going to show up because God’s going to proceed you in that light and he’s going to be carrying what burden you used to have. So I love I love that perspective. You’re not a fix in life. I love that, too, because I think we as women constantly feel this desire to fix and perfect and make it right. Right. But that’s actually not our role.
You all set it down. So it’s a lot to do that and to try and make everything perfect is just it’s a Martha mindset. And I do lots of conversations about Mary and Martha. I am definitely a Martha. And I also have a lot of Mary. And I think God intentionally designed both of them, just like he intentionally designed you and I and every listener here and every wife out there who truly does want to have that soulmate experience.
I love I’ve never heard roommate to soul mate that’s so powerful because how often are we doing that with our spouse, even unintentionally, even you and I, who might have a very connected, a very communicative relationship. And yet we’re two birds passing in the night because we’ve got the kids in our businesses and all the other things that are happening. And we show up to church and we worship next to each other. But like, where’s the conversation happening about what’s actually happening during that worship or what’s actually happening when you’re at work or what’s actually happening when you’re mothering or fathering or any of the in-between moments, because there’s so much more to a marriage than just you and him and date night.
Right. It’s all the life around us. And if we know that every seven years genetically, we’re we’re actually being modified and changing, we have to continually pursue that person that we used to love no longer exists. There’s a new version of them showing up tomorrow. And if we’re not rising to the occasion to find out about that person, to seek them earnestly and to seek them just like we’re seeking Jesus, we will never understand who they are.
They will be a stranger in our own house, in our own bed. And so I just feel like there is this knee, this deep need for wives to pursue and we so desperately want to be pursued. Come up with a date night. Right. Like, can you do something romantic for once? Don’t buy me flowers and chocolate for Valentine’s Day. I do something else. Be creative. Write like, write me the song, write me the poem.
You’ve got girls on here like yours. Come on. Rapping Do the thing guys. I know I’m going to go tell my husband guess what they just called you out for all the amazing things that he does, but the recognition that like they have to pursue us and we want that so bad. But what are you doing?
How are you showing up to earn? And we don’t have to earn God’s love, which is so amazing.
But for them to desperately desire to show up in return. Yeah. And it’s that crazy cycle, right. Because you’re saying we pursue we should be pursuing, but most of us are not. But we want to be pursued. And it’s a crazy cycle of a husband who desires respect and honor. And yet we want the love, but we’re not giving respect and honor and therefore we don’t get the love. And so it’s just this it really is.
It’s a cycle of withholding from with one another, but romance of outdo one another in showing honor. And I feel you in serving and out loving, not as a competition in a negative sense, but pursuing the kingdom of God to say I want my rewards in heaven, Lord and parenthood. And that’s a huge part of this, because so much of what we do, they they see more what we do than here, what we say far more.
And so our communication styles with our spouse, our ability to really have relationship and to say, OK, I see this as an issue. But like you said, it does not have to become a big thing. But I will address it and discuss it with Grace and with a purpose and with understanding and the way if you’re a yeller or if you give the silent treatment, they see that if you have people in your home who love Jesus and people who don’t love Jesus, who come in your home and you set the table for as many as come in, your family sees that, your children see that.
And so, so much of what we do in the Christian life resonates not only with our children, but we also then have it coming in with multiple people as friends, and they see the witness, they see the actual light. And so it doesn’t just stop. Like the ultimate goal is not the marriage. The ultimate goal is Jesus. But that really Jesus then allows you and a healthy marriage with your spouse, then allows you to pour out healthfully into the lives of other people.
I love that.
I love even to the note that you made at the beginning. And it reminds me of like the the fight or flight that we often show up in, in relationships, in conversations do. It’s like me and my husband. We’re both writers, so we never fought then. If you have a relationship with. It’s like, watch out, you might get a black guy, and if you’ve got the fighter who’s going towards the fighter, it’s like this constant chase and they’re exhausted and you’re like, I feel like overwhelmed.
Stop talking to me like I need quiet. And so it’s like this knowing that if you watch the way that Jesus emulated this and Jesus was not technically he was married, married to the church, but married. You can see this this witness just on how he existed every single day. He didn’t show up in the fight. He didn’t show up to fight and he wouldn’t even go to the fight. And then same with the flight. He was not walking away from what was hard.
He would be present. And so there is a there’s a in between of the fight in the flight. There’s the showing up. There’s the being. Right. Like he simply is. I am that I am that I am.
So what if we just get to say that I am a wife and today I show up as a wife or a mom or whatever that is that identity factor for you today, show up without fighting and without running from it and just be in that becoming process by seeking. That’s what we have to do every single day. Show up to seek. Yeah, I love that.
So so it is this is a good conversation. We could keep going forever, but we won’t. And so I wanted to hear Lindsey. How can people get in touch with you. How can I know? The Living Easy podcast obviously is an amazing way to learn the insights of your marriage, but so much more than that. I mean, there’s lot you guys talk business, marriage, life, motherhood, all the nitty gritty. Yeah, some of the good deep stuff, too, which is conversations that we need, especially in the church, so that we’re not all flighting from what we think church is, is or isn’t doing.
Right. Church is a conversation just like this. We’re at church right now. And so it’s the recognition that the church does need to talk about these hard things because these hard things are what’s happening in our marriage. And if we want to emulate the actual church relationship with the bride and the groom, we’ve got to figure out how to do it in our homes so we can understand it intimately with Jesus. So loving you, Lindsey podcast’s the wife project.
Yes. Yeah. So you can find me on Instagram at Living with Lindsey. And then the Wife Project is a link in my bio. It’s Ferro’s and Lily dot com slash the dash wife dash project so it’s easier just to go to the link going on there.
Now if you’re watching you tune in and insane for the podcast. Links are all right there. So definitely an Lindsey. It’s been such a gift to get to know you more. I’m so glad that this timing worked on. It did because your mom was dropping before the project is that we’re going to send everybody your way. Can they order presale now if they’re on the list?
Yes, we are doing sign ups for the wait list, so that will let them know first as soon as everything launches. But February 17th through 19th is the pre sale, and that is the lowest price that it will ever be. And then door open on the twenty second and it will be a little bit higher of a price and they’re only open for five days. So it’s a total that it’s open. But we have hundreds of women on the waitlist already.
And I’m so excited and I just feel it has been the end of me has been against this. I had to report to three separate times where all of the recordings have completely fallen apart. So I’m like, man, the enemy is he is at it. But I so feel even more so just even after this conversation, I’m like, gosh, God is just behind this and he’s so powerful and overcomes all of the obstacles that we may face.
It’s been a journey, some tears. But I am like I’m just really hopeful and encouraged. So, yeah, February 17th is when it launches and I’m just praying that it truly impacts and changes the lives of women.
I love that so much. And how perfect Valentine’s week where a lot of people at her are discombobulation or even just the desire for more in those relationships. And so I’m excited for people. I have one question because I have a lot of friends who actually aren’t married.
Do you recommend that they could get prepared? Yes. So we are speaking to a lot of engaged women and single women. There’s actually a testimonial on my website from a single woman not even dating who has said this has really impacted her. She’s actually helping me with the Wife Project Journal and just wrote me an assignment on an email saying I never realized how much I needed to kind of evaluate in my own heart. I’ve spent so much time praying for what I want my husband to be, but I never knew what to actually truly expect out of marriage and to hear from women, because so much of this content comes from women who have poured into me and the love they’ve given me and the advice they’ve given me and counseling sessions we’ve been to.
So it’s fully Holy Spirit leading out in so many lives and marriages and what they’ve experienced. And so for people to have the opportunity to go through this, to know what to expect in a relationship, to have the I guess, the heart ultimately of I want to be first a follower of Christ. I want my. Foundation to be that and to know that my marriage is not going to satisfy and fulfill me in the way that I think it will.
I’m going to be left longing if I think that, but instead to then have a perspective of God is the only one who can satisfy and be prepared in that way, I think is incredible. So we highly recommend it for singles and engaged women engaged or married for five months to married for fifty five years, received a lot of feedback from women who were married twenty six thirty years. And just say, you know, there’s always a point where you’re challenged to be more because we become stagnant and comfortable and then we forget the calling that God has.
So and I think there’s so many different seasons of marriage. Just like I said, we change as individual beings like your marriage is going to go through crazy seasons, too, based on deaths in your family or based on job changes or based on financial situations or based on the state of the world. I mean I mean, covid we heard the divorce rate went through the ceiling. Right. Like, what a sad, sad thing to carry into twenty, twenty one.
And thereafter, based on a pandemic like that, doesn’t even that didn’t even cross my mind and breaks my heart at the same time. So I know you’re probably equally in that, but to realize even so, I’ve seen so many marriages divorced after the kids are grown up. And that was like the glue, right. Because they could talk about the kids, but they couldn’t talk about each other. And so when the kids are gone, the divorce happens.
And so I just think that there is such an anointing over this conversation, over this teaching. I want to pray for it before we go away and just have anybody who feels called or led to to pursue their husband, but more importantly, to pursue Jesus deeper through the understanding of marriage. This is this is where it’s at all. She’s the real deal. So, God, we just thank you so much. We just pray ultimate blessings over Lindsey, over her husband, over the community that is partner with her in this entire project.
God, we just pray that you show up in the life project that every single person, every single name, Lord, as you always do, just gets transformed by your word, just gets transformed by your presence. And as they seek to understand marriage law, they get to find you because you are the ultimate covenant holder. God, you seek us. You see us dressed in white with your grace, with your mercy, with your love, this ever growing, ever expanding love God, that we just continue to openly submit to God so that the victory exists in you.
May we put our pride to the side and we put all of our self seeking to the side and our marriage Lord and just put you above all things so that we can see our husbands in a fresh light and that we can serve them and that they can receive the honor and respect that they are do as men of the church, as men of our home, as men of our lives. God. But also just remembering they, too, are just children.
We thank you for this amazing anointing that you’ve put on Lindsey life. And we just pray utter blessings continue to overflow and abundance to it and her and everyone she’s connected to. In Jesus name, amen, amen. Thank you for being here truly was an honor, and I’m so excited to to the kingdom.
It’s got to be amazing. Thank you.
Thank you so much for considering me and for having me and for just such a powerful, like, real conversation. It’s it’s beautiful.
I’m always grateful for those that keep having them y’all and have them with your husband. It’s pretty fun. Try it out.
Yeah. Right by. Hey, it’s me again, I hope in today’s episode, you sense and ignite to an ember within you, something mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually moving that creates and sustains a fire within your journey. Before you go, let’s solidify the flame. I’d love for you to take a step right now. And declaring your take away by snapping a pic of the episode, you tune in to share your spiked moment and tag me at Fit in Faith Podcast for a podcast or me personally at Tamra Andress on.
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