Behind the camera isn’t my most comfortable space. Besides not knowing how to stand, or if my #smize looks ridiculous or like #rbf, I’m simultaneously trying to shut up my thoughts around what others are thinking and how I don’t measure up in this way or that…I just feel awkward. I can work a selfie because I’m alone…but man standard photography and me are not in sync.
But then I see the outtakes and I say “there she is!” That’s the me I want you to see…
I want you to see my cocked back head and lifted shoulders – the same silly compulsive laughing motions that keep my nieces and hubby giggling, simply because my whole body is laughing. You should try it, the joy gets all the way into your toes!
I want you to see my forever hair tied wrist, even when my hair is up. Because between me, my daughter, who still hasn’t had her first hair cut at 4, and my long-haired "man-bun" son, someone is bound to need it. And it’s often a rock-paper-scissors game on a windy day.
I want you to see how my top lip curls up and basically disappears when I smile. It’s not about the teeth, though I’m grateful for the braces, that I had to get twice (God please bless my parents wallet and sacrifice) – though now without consistent retainer wear I’m considering Invisalign – take away – WEAR YOUR RETAINER…but seriously back to the lip! Lip injections? No thanks…temporary. And lip plumper – well the tingle is fun, but a good reason to smile still leaves the gummy grin.
I want you to see my comfort meets class meets trend style. The pieces that I’ve had for years (another maternity piece here – see I told you in my last post) paired with the pieces I bought at TJ Max or Target Clearance. The jewelry pieces that have significance and the ones that I’d give to a stranger if they asked.
I want you to see the lines and the slight wrinkles that mirror my mama and nana to a T. It’s a beautiful reminder of the wisdom and the life…though I wouldn’t mind a few extra restful nights without kiddos tip toeing in for potty breaks.
Now, I really don’t want you to see my breakouts – I mean come on, I’m in my 30’s…I’ve tried every product and I eat fairly clean…but here I am, see all of me!
The point of all of this…I stand there, behind the camera, in all the self conscious flickering brain banter and it’s the moment I see the outtakes that reminds me of my purpose. The depth behind my why. The reason I show up here and there and even attempt to take the picture in the first place. I want you to see me, because I am the created. I am a masterpiece, as are you. I am beautiful and intended. And so are you. I have a testimony. And so do you.
I see you girl in the corner. I see you when you hide your entire body behind your friend and let just your head pop out. I see you scurry away from the group shot. I see you always offer to take the picture instead of be in it. I see you and I want you to know you are magnificent. Everything about you, even all of your insecurities, they all have purpose. Get in front of the camera and find your truest beauty in the outtakes during your vulnerable moments.
The freeze frames are nice and all. I’m a sucker for a good head shot. But the best ones are when you are being simply you! And that is who I want you to see.
1 Peter 3:3-4
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.