When he asked me to marry him I said “no, shut up!” Multiple times…I mean the poor guy had to stand to his feet and ask me again before I actually said yes. It was less about a state of shock, as we had been together for almost 4 years and had a home and 2 puppies together at this point. It was more out of guilt that a week prior to that moment I stood across from him crying over the fact that I felt like he was never going to ask.
One of my strengths is not patience. I also have a tendency to want things to happen on my own accord with my own expectation of vision. Yet I stood there in my formal gown (I’ll explain that another day) beside the Christmas tree thinking I had just forced my long term boyfriend to become my fiancé.
Yet my narrow focus over the situation didn’t give his heart or his preparatory plan credit for the months it took to save for the ring or for the incredible HVAC hiding spot that he knew I’d never find for the months he fearfully hid it within our home. (Side note: he owns an HVAC company so it’s quite appropriate) I didn’t give him the peace of mind he deserved after loving me so hard for those 4 years. Instead I stood in doubt.
I hope your response was more heart felt than mine. I hope you grabbed him into your arms and held and kissed him and said yes 1000 times. But that isn’t our story and now we laugh at it as I’ve jokingly asked him many times since then in hopes of making up for that moment. But my yes has changed each time.
I didn’t know what the next 7 years would hold. I didn’t know the trials. I didn’t know the tears. But I also didn’t know the abundance or depth of love we would cultivate. You see, I was just a baby…in the grand scheme of things I still am. But I am more confident today in my YES than I ever have been in the past because now my YES has depth. When I look at him I know him verse just adore him. I say YES because that’s what we’re called to do.
I wish I had foresight instead of hindsight but then I wouldn’t need the 3rd component that makes our marriage what it is today – Faith. It’s not easy. It’s not perfect. It’s not normal. But if you think about it, what really is? It’s our story and I’ll still say yes – just this time without all the no’s and shut ups. I’m thankful for a God that is patient. I’m thankful for a God that is kind and always willing to teach. I’m thankful that His vision far exceeds my narrow focus. That our God is the example of steadfast love and shows us time and time again what it feels like to be the prodigal son.
Today I leap into your arms without a doubt of your love or mine. Today I leap into your arms not knowing what the next 7 years holds, but confident I wouldn’t want to face them without you. I’m my best me through your eyes. And I’m here – “as sure as a girl could be.”
Tell me about your engagement story!! Please tell me I’m not the only one who totally messed it up.
Colossians 3:14: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."