Get Back Up: From Drop Out To Doctorate – With Michelle Marie Lappin

Sometimes we have to make the decision to get back up.

We all have trials. Stories that we hold close or even hide. The ones that make us who we are, even if that “who” is a broken little girl trying to live in a big girl world.

Our pasts are the puzzle pieces we need to find beneath the couch, dust off, own and utilize to complete the whole picture. Without them, you are discontent with the wholeness of who you are because you are lacking clarity on the full picture of your purpose.

Today’s Guest:

Success coach, Michelle Lappin, has used the puzzle pieces of her own life to discover her God Intended plan, but it wasn’t an easy journey. Honestly, is it ever?

Tune in to see how this extraordinary woman went From high school dropout to doctorate, with a 10 year military service in between. Her coaching message today: Get back up.

Connect with her here:

https://www.instagram.com/michellemarie_successcoach/
https://www.facebook.com/michelle.m.lappin.1

Show Notes: Get Back Up

0:00:00 S1: We all have trials, stories that we hold close, or perhaps even hide, the ones that make us who we are, even if that who is a broken little girl… I’m trying to live in a great big world. Our past are the puzzle pieces we need to find beneath the couch to desktop and utilize to complete the whole picture without them, you were discontent with the wholeness of who you are because you’re lacking clarity on the full picture of your purpose. Today’s guest, Success Coach shell lapis has used the puzzle pieces of her own life who discover her bodily, but it wasn’t an easy journey, honestly, is it ever tune in to see how this extraordinary women went from high school drop out to doctorate with a 10-year military service in-between her coaching message today, get back up, we’re all in pursuit of something more, wherever, whatever, or whoever your more is, I wanna help you get there fully, fully, authentically and truly fit. The fit needs movement was birth through my own trial and error, discovery of mind, body and soul alignment, I learned first hand that being fit isn’t about our physique at all, it’s about the wholeness of your heart and the root of our joy…

0:01:21 S1: This isn’t a fitness podcast, this isn’t a quick fix health detox ploy, this isn’t confusing religious banter, this is a whole body health check-up, focusing on the heart, this is an opportunity to join me alongside other big dreamers, innovative movers and lifestyle shapes, as we explore and share our messy contact service homes. If you’re one step away for achieving their idea of something more, tune in for practical fund in healthy ways to unite yourself into even more. Welcome to the find faith podcast with me came. There is no better time than now to get

0:02:03 S2: The over podcast. It is amazing to have you here, it’s been something that I know we’ve kind of pressed on each other’s heart for a while, and there’s also that component of fear factor, like, What are we gonna talk about? Am I ready to get on live anything and do that? But I’ve had such confidence in knowing that having you come on and as a guest was going to be special, not just for me, because I love quality time with you, but for the people on the receiving end, so I’m really excited to have you. Mainly because I feel like our friendship has grown in such an organic way over the last few years, and it always seems like so perfectly timed, and I never know what that’s gonna be, but it’s definitely more of a blooming flower than an onion, because I feel like it’s just another component of how we share in our Sisterhood as we walk into deeper understanding of who we are, but it’s been amazing to watch you bloom, side bloom, so I love having this season with you, so… You haven’t heard, but this is Michelle. Laughing, and she is not only obviously a dear friend, but an up-and-coming Success Coach in our area, and I’m excited to share that component, it’s not a title that she likes to claim fully yet, but it’s new and we’re excited to share how that evolved and how we got where we are.

0:03:38 S2: So I’d love to hear you just introduce yourself to everyone… So where do I start? I know exactly. Where do I start? So my name Michell, and obviously she said that already, Shankar as other… I am only like 25, right? Editor, 30, whatever. It’s funny, a lot of people think I’m in my 20s, they say at least 25, a lot o people ain’t home at my money, and I’m like, Thanks. I see, that’s a Coote, no wrinkles. It’s probably the high probably has a lot to do with it to get in the race and the base probably know how for those not viewing and just listening. She has braces. Yomi have a son who is 15 and just started. Driver said, Oh wow. It’s interesting. Learning curve for all of us. I am a military veteran, served the military for 10 years, one deployment and college graduate, and I now work for the Navy. I was… When I was in the military, was in the army, and I now work for the Navy as a civilian, and I started my church, and actually I’m not serving a whole lot right now because of school, I’m putting a lot of effort towards school, but I’m usually serving pretty heavily in the church, just trying to pour into other people wherever I can, and then sometimes actually more awesome, not people are pouring into me as we can for it…

0:05:32 S2: Is it funny how that happens? It’s Methodist talking about that earlier, that you can’t continually pour out, no matter what role you’re in, whether it’s a work role, whether it’s a motherhood role, which we’re constantly pouring out of, there has to be time and space for replenishment. Right, yeah, it makes total sense. I wanna hear ’cause I don’t even really know more about your experience in the army, that was like… You did that at what age? So I joined when I was 19. I j119, my brother was in the army, and he was in for probably about two and a half years or so, and… He passed away from a car accident, and it was a point in my life where I wasn’t really doing the best. And I was still in high school, I was a junior in high school. And I remember he’d come home on leave and he was visiting with us, and the accident happened when he was going home, and the last conversation I remember having with him was him sitting down and telling me that he understands what I’m going through, and that He loves me, no matter what, but he wanted me to promise him that no matter what, that I would graduate high school, and I did not keep that promise, I got into things within the next year where there was a lot of challenges, emotional, physical…

0:07:05 S2: Just a lot of challenges, and I ended up quitting High School and leaving the state, so about a year or so after that, I got my GED and realized my life was going nowhere, and I was like, What am I doing? And I broke my promise, and so I wanted to do something that would make him proud or that I thought would make him shoot me, so I thought we’re not trying to finish what he started. Wow, that’s awesome. So no, no, not the best way of reasoning. But you have to… I was like, What did I do? What I am proud of it. Looking back, I am product. I didn’t get to necessarily finish what he started because I only did 10 years, that’s a long… It was a long time. I did mostly administration trade of stuff while I was in, but at one point, not quite about nine months after my Orhan, my son, my first art came to me and first Argent is basically the highest… Almost the highest level enlisted, first person in a unit, basically spoke to me… I had some medical issues at one point, and I wasn’t there when he talked to the rest of the unit, so he talked to me personally and told me that basically our unit was being activated and being sent overseas.

0:08:36 S2: And I was like, Okay, so what does that mean? In a say, Well, is the class everyone’s listening and you’re doing that, and I just realized we didn’t record for the podcast. I was just joining. Welcome to a food. We are now actually starting a… That’s what Ticino are more comfortable. So welcome, Michelle, I love you so much for those who have already been on listening to us, you’re gonna get a quick round too, and I think now we’re in this space where we’re gonna be able to share, I think more fully. So I’m excited about that, but I’m grateful to have you here. I feel like we have really grown into a season of blossoming together, I feel like when I met you, I was definitely a Welter, and you have always been a friend that stood by me, no matter what, that looks like. You’ve helped nurture that, and you’ve also allowed me to help nurture you in times when you need it, and it’s a beautiful experience to be in a friendship like that because it really, it bonds you in a way that sometimes friendships are always be out for him. We talked about that, we’re constantly pouring out and you never felt fed, and while it’s okay that you can be fed other places and continuing to pour into other people when it’s that reciprocal relationship.

0:10:09 S2: It’s such a beautiful thing. So I’m thankful to have you in my life and thankful to have you on here to share with other people, just the genuine piece that you bring when you come to the table, when you come to a house… When you come to a Coffee Day, but more importantly, I just think you have this heart for people to see them. Awesome. And I’m just thankful for that. So for those who don’t already know, this is Michelle Lapin, and she is not only a dear friend, obviously, but also an up and coming Success Coach in our area, and she’s done in doing Magill on things, and so I think just dirt in… Again, I’d love for you to share how it is that you started out in the military and you were in for a decade, and what did that look like for those who haven’t heard… We start this yet. But it was actually when I was about 17 years old. My brother, who was already in the military, had joined the military prior to that, had passed away from an accident, and the last conversation that we had, he knew that I was in a difficult season in my life, and he made me promise him that I would…

0:11:29 S2: At the very least, gradually High School, and I did not keep that promise, so I ended up quitting high school and moving out of the state, about a year later, got my JV and decided that I wanted to do something with my life, which was going nowhere, and make him prep. So I decided to join the military. Fast-forward a few years, I had my son. I had started… When I first joined, I joined the reserves. Okay, so I was only doing like a day, but that ryukyu could do that as a line, the reserve or active. So I had… Our unit had our weekend duty, and I had some medical things going on, it was actually… It was actually really crazy ahead was having these pains or on my side all day, the one day and we were at the unit and I couldn’t figure… It was… At first I thought it was a site I used to have uterine atassi had ruptured ’cause it felt similar… Very similar. And eventually they were like, Well, you need to go home. Just go home and rest. So I was getting ready to get my car and I threw up, but I said, Wait a second, this is not assisting on…

0:12:56 S2: So when their emergency room turns out a heady kidney stone… Oh, okay, I was making a conduct, ’cause that’s what happened to me, that’s what they thought the… Yeah, CAT scan, it turns out that he is… I was at home the next day, recovering from math, and I could just call from my first urgent, and he told me basically everything that he told the company that basically we were being activated and where… I’m trying to figure out, Okay, well, what does that mean? For me, I basically means that I’m going to go to Kentucky, meanwhile is an Ohio a… If I’m gonna go to Kentucky and I’m going to learn how to drive trucks, because we’re gonna go to Iraq and we’re gonna transport skill from face-to-face. Wow, mind you, my son, who I had, was only nine months old, who by the time we were leaving, after I got training on my time, we were ready to leave for a raceway might have been actually gonna take the back… He might have been about 10 months old at that time, so I think that… But he was passed a year old by the time I left, the military has this policy that will not deploy a mother until their child is at least a year old, so I was still eligible to go because he would be a year…

0:14:19 S2: By the time out, right. Great, and you were in a stable home at that point… Marshall dad had him at this point… No. Oh, I had him full-time at this point, his dad and I were not together, I gotcha. So I thought it was only appropriate, he actually had only met his dad once prior to that… Wow. Prior to me finding out that I was being ape, then we got more interacted, a causation another state the time I gotcha. So it was difficult to… He went… While I went to my training, he went to go stay with his dad during that time, and then he went while I was in Tractate with his dad and stuff, and after I came out… Well, first off that deployment was who… I was an emotional hot mess the entire time between stuff that I had struggled with from my life prior to the military, and stuff I dealt with while I was in the military, it Just… Anxiety, depression, anger, everything. And the deployment didn’t help anything, and then during the deployment, I believe it was February time frame, early 2016, driving down the road on our mission and an IED went off on my vehicle…

0:15:47 S2: Oh wow, I happen to actually not be driving fuel truck that day, I was driving a flat then with some food supplies and stuff like that, easy. It was definitely a great… That was 2016206. I was like, Wait. I outright it. So the 2011, I was thinking like that was when that happened, this was before they have been 200… 201, 2001, I’m sorry. To all it was a 1 to taejon the military after it. Okay. That was in perspective. Okay. Yeah, I really didn’t know, I really didn’t understand what I was doing. Plasterer told me that because I was going in as an admin, I would never go to go overseas, or Dalian would enjoy the military. They lie about everything. So ask people, I have been in military. Wow. Okay, check one. So here you are, you have gone through this multiple things, start to tell you You’re gone, you’re gone, you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, and any of the other underlying currents that have occurred prior to in your life. And this happens, what do you do? I mean, I… Nullius was like, I was in the passenger and then there was somebody driving and the thing went off and first…

0:17:29 S2: So the military, after the first couple of years on the ward, realized they needed to protect their people more, so they came up with this equipment that would protect the vehicle, so I happened to be in a very protected vehicle, and it was a very small ivane stand-it was a 60 millimeter rounds, not like a little stem that little… I don’t know, it was a barbarian, but it wasn’t severe dangers, and one of us got hurt, kiss, but both of us looked into it, I was like, Are you okay to… Alright, let’s go be driving like that’s what we did it, it was just an instant rush of, Oh my God, just keep it as real, and we just kept going and get going, mind you. Our vehicle did not have any type of capability to communicate with any other vehicle, we had no radio communications, are unit only had a certain number of them, and because we were in a convoy, they would have only server, so many would have some kind of a teenaged have anything, there’s a little thing on the door so you can open it and reach out, so I’m basically reaching out the little hole or to give a thumbs up to let them know we’re okay.

0:18:43 S2: And we keep driven, we were probably about 15 minutes or so from actually from the destination we were going to, it wasn’t that far from the base that we were going to, which I think… Exactly, yeah, the perimeter. So we get to the base and there’s, there’s vehicles in front of us, they get through, we get to the gate and we get ready to drive through, vehicle shuts down completely and were like only apparently some shrapnel from the IED had gotten through the engine and hit something… And caused the engine to shut down. But it wasn’t until literally, we were at the gate. Oh my goodness. I talk about… Yeah, I don’t even know how to explain it. I was so grateful that that’s why… ’cause otherwise, if that vehicle head stuff anywhere before that, we would have been sitting ducks crisis, we would have been sitting down, we would have had to basically had people surround our vehicle to get out and protect us with their weapons. Otherwise, what happens is, if you end up the idea to do the idea, if you catch one vehicle, people get out ’cause he… And then they end up attacking is sure.

0:19:52 S2: I was so glad I… It was all, there are people to lose their lives as their limbs and whatever, and so I’m so grateful it wasn’t… It still traumatic nonetheless? Yes. Yeah, yes. Did you ever deal with PTSD from that scenario? Not really necessarily. I don’t think sometimes it didn’t really fully hit me, and I think it’s more of a like we were okay, so it wasn’t that bad. I sometimes I get startled from loud noises, but that’s really it, and then I get ringing in my ears sometimes because of the house. That’s curious. Yeah, that’s the biggest basford me. What does that look like? How long were you there? We were there, so I was in country, they call it in-country or over there I was in country for a total of nine months… Wow, I had some medical stuff happen, story, and usually for the Army, you’re in country for a whole year, or towards the end of that year, I had some medical stuff happened and they sent me home purely. Okay, so I wasn’t there for the entire time and I can come home with my whole unit… Okay. But there was still a whole process after that, I had been reserved beforehand, I had a full-time job beforehand, I get home and I don’t have a job now.

0:21:20 S2: Interesting. Typically, we reserve, they will… The government has come up with this policy to protect the soldiers, essentially, where they’re supposed to hold your God for up to five years after you leave for a deployment, but my son’s father not hit a high, we were gonna try and be a family and be together so he had gotten orders to Pennsylvania, who was the military to you, by the way, I… Sure that, sorry. Yeah, he had gotten orders to Pennsylvania, which is where all my family… Most of my family was okay, and I moved back to Pennsylvania, so then I was basically employed for about a month until I was able to find a job, and then once I found a job, I had to re-acclimate myself to civilian life. Old people don’t always realize how much of a transition it is to go from being overseas to coming back to civilian life, whether you’re reserve or active duty suits, like there’s just so much to it as being a child, a home of somebody who that happened to quite frequently that he was deployed, and then even the massive transition when he got out, he had no comprehension of, who am I…

0:22:43 S2: What am I supposed to do with my life? When that’s all you… Your known… And he was in for 20 plus years, so that’s a whole another kind caboodle because he never had a pre-military identity, he only had his growth in identity. So how old were you when you got out? When I got out… Jewel, ask me that. I think I was like in the 32, I just… In 13, when I got out. Okay, okay, so that was my reason. At that age is now a… So he was born in… If I go out in 2013, he was. Yes. Okay, gotcha. Alright, so obviously there’s still duration that you guys are in and now, and trying to figure out, you’re in reserve for the remainder of that time, not after I had gotten for my appointment about a year, so later I actually went into what they call an Active Guard Reserve Program, where you become activated your life and activate soldier, Portworx for re-service, so on top of working day-to-day for the army, I’m also doing the one week in a month of that. Interesting. Okay. Yes, a lot. So it was a lot.

0:23:59 S2: I can say from a… Overall, from my experience in military, there were a lot of challenges and a lot of it was even more challenging because of stuff from my earlier years. It’s not for everybody, but I look back and I can say that it really shaped my life, and there was actually a lot of benefits from A… To, I got school benefits, it got me out of where it was a position I was in, the lifestyle I was Living, she got me out of all of that, and if I had made that choice, I have no idea where I’d be to that. Yeah, I really don’t. Yeah, so it’s one of those things I would say I don’t necessarily regret it. I don’t… Can’t say I enjoyed every minute on the Surat… I don’t regret it. I feel like a lot of people, and speaking from just people that I know anyway, that it is an avid planned way to get out of situations from your childhood… Yeah, because the plans already there, and often when you’re in any sort of traumatic home life, all you want is to get out, and when somebody is offering you money and they’re offering you a way out and it doesn’t…

0:25:08 S2: To you, you’re like traveling… Sure, people that I’ve never been around shore all of these things knowing, Okay, they’re gonna pay for my education, all of the benefits to what they propose… I’d love to know a bit more about that pre-life, that pre-military life, what catapulted you to be to that place other than your brother’s passing, and how has that component… ’cause I know that’s the ground that I’ve judged the last three years about going way back… Digging up those roots. Where does that come into play for you? So I will go all the way back to about the age of 10… Okay, I was born in Philadelphia, and my child, Phil, I don’t know, I said, I don’t know anything about the Erie, very obviously is a way to be my Super Bowl champs. Love it. Okay, so I was living in Philadelphia, and my mom, I guess, decided that she wanted to move away and move out of state, so she decided to move up to Ohio, so just all of a sudden on… My parents were together at the time, all of a sudden, just say, removed to a lion, I don’t know where…

0:26:31 S2: I literally remember driving her driving, she had this big, you know this big fans, they like those creepy things. Yeah, oh yeah, that was like the window shattering, you have the two season and any of the seats that were in the back, they were out and we all have natural… And we slept on the natures during the Nasi look back, I think a really creepy and really unseeded all that matter, apartheid I arrived, but my mom experience as well. Yeah, so we moved Ohio, I remember transitioning from a couple of different homes, probably about three or four times before we actually settled in one place, my mom was looking at finally buying a house, and we were living in an apartment in a bad area, and she was working for all the details that work out, so we can actually close on the house and move in and everything, and her and my brother went to the store to get opened some other stuff, and she was Robina gunpoint who… Yeshe, talked to, I guess you talked to me. Realtor or something like that, they talked to the people that were selling the house and they actually let us move into the house before everything was finalized, we just persuaded.

0:27:55 S2: So we finally said, Would that today? No, they wouldn’t do that. So we finally settled there, and that was… I think I was in third grade. Yeah, it was about half point through third grade, if I remember correctly, I was basically in that house until I was 18. Okay. Normal, typical teenage stuff for the next couple of years or whatever, I tell… My mom decided she wanted to get married. Okay. She had met a man trying to be mind-focus, I don’t know if she’s gonna watch this… If that’s okay, tunable. I do it every time. So he was young, he was much younger than her, I was actually closer in age to me than he was to her, but they seemed like they really liked it. He seemed… Jenner thing was fine in and whatever, for a little while, and at one point things started to shift and basically he started paying me a little more attention than he was before and started touching me in places that he shouldn’t… I was 13 when it started, and so I didn’t really understand what was going on. I didn’t understand. I mean, I kind of think I kinda knew it wasn’t okay and it wasn’t normal, but I just…

0:29:34 S2: I didn’t know what do, I didn’t know what to say, so I hold on to it for two years. And that kept going for two years until final started saying something about it, and you could say something to him or I said something to two of my friends through my close friends, and then I said something to the counselor at school… Once the counselor at school found out Child Services got involved and they started questioning me, the question my mom and him, and we questioned my two friends that I said I shared, and I guess with all of the emotions and everything that I was going through and not with understanding, there were, I guess there were things that I had left out with one or the other, and so… And back then, even children services and research, and so they didn’t understand things like the interstates. Absolutely, so they basically… Between that and at one point, I just kind of shut down completely emotionally, so they closed the case and didn’t do anything else. I remember the night that… The day that I’ve heard that everything first came out, I put the counselor and Children Services got involved in…

0:30:47 S2: When I got home that night, I remember going into the house and I was face-to-face with him. And basically, he looked at me and said, I can’t believe that you would like about me like that, and I got your mom in a moment and I wouldn’t say anything at this point, your fastidious anything… Yeah, you had no voice, no. I just turned my head away and just went to my room and that was it. I think one of the things that hurt the most wasn’t what he did to me, what I think that I hurt the most was that I do not recall ever receiving an apology for my mother. Sure. Now, where I am now, I can understand that. Maybe I didn’t necessarily need apology from her, she wouldn’t have known was happening, but because of all the discrepancies and the stuff with CPS, she didn’t believe me either, and I mean, how could she really know… How could you… It’s hard, and I know that I’ve heard people that have gone through even more spend that, and they say they’re signed to whatever… Yeah, there’s signs, but when you’re not… When you’re not already understanding what the signs are, you’re not to notice that for not…

0:32:13 S2: It’s like when someone cheats their signs, but you don’t realize their signs are there, right. So I don’t blame provided eye towards the one that you love and the situation that you’ve cultivated as right or perfect or this ideal. And so anything that skus that if it’s not within that story line that’s in your mind and hard… It’s really hard to conceptualize. That’s true, because she could have easily seen signs the whole time and just ignore them… Right, because of how you just get on a role of normalcy and expectation and it just, it can completely blind side you absolutely. So keep going. Yeah, and that it took me a long time to really come through that forgiveness there, but when I understand it from her perspective, she really didn’t know, she didn’t know what the signs were, she didn’t really understand, and maybe there was some internal guilt too, I don’t know, I toy wasn’t her fault or I’m sure, but we… I know, I’m well past that now. It’s not… So you then lived in silence about it for three years, essentially ignored it. Did it stop at that point… Was a stop at that point.

0:33:35 S2: He was still in the house for a little while after that. Okay. And I know we have poor, not gonna let me think that he was still in the house for a little while after that, and then some things happened, the two of them and they did finally split up. Okay. But with all of what had happened and we still being basically… I never got any help from an ASIC, it basically got to a site, just dealt with the shame and the guilt and… Right, and then starting an interest boys at… And that eventually opened up a whole can of worms of me not understanding that that’s not how love is supposed to be, you’re not just supposed to give yourself to people, and that there’s more to it, and you don’t just do it to anybody, and so there was a whole couple of years of just not understanding, not knowing, being with people I shouldn’t have been with and making a lot of mistakes in that regard.

0:34:49 S1: As mothers, we are constantly caring for others, it’s ornate nature, but it’s also our deepest reciprocated need yet so often we don’t take the time to rest, rejuvenate or restore the class that we are always pouring out of, you are worthy of this time, you are purposed for the space to find your freedom, you are welcome to take a breath that’s only been for you. Women’s wellness weekend, you will be celebrated a replenished mentally, physically and spiritually to be your best self for your best people, join the ocean side, three day, two-night retreat, Come be free to get home.

0:35:33 S2: Interesting, and this is something that we’ve connected on, but maybe not in the exact same conversation, other than saying like, I see you and I get you, and I’m so grateful to have thank you in my life for that, and this is something I’ve truly never shared publicly and I don’t know that you’ve ever shared that story publicly in this manner, so kudos to your bravery first off, and I’m gonna mirror that because I think it’s a hard thing to do, but it’s a really important thing to do because there are so many people listening that have a need to be released from that guilt and that shame and that knowledge, that innocence is something that we should harness as long as we possibly can, and… Mine was taken from me when I was three, and so you’re saying these stories and about your own life, and you know, it just triggers images and flashbacks, and while I was really little and I surely couldn’t put even concepts of shame or guilt in my repertoire, ’cause I didn’t even know the words, it to happened beneath my mom’s nose, and she, to this day, you just found out recently, almost 30 years later, so I actually really only uncovered it about three years ago through a really deep counseling and trying to comprehend the actions that I made through my life in similar scenarios of not protecting what God truly believes in, instills with such authority, and yet, as girls, we don’t have the strength because of how sexuality is portrayed, whether it’s through TV, whether it’s through words, whether it’s through magazines or photos…

0:37:44 S2: Now, and I’m so grateful that it wasn’t around in the same capacity, but social media, what’s expected of us as women and as a year three-year-old to have your mouth covered up in a Shahin position, and someone who couldn’t even mentally really soundly put together, what he was doing himself. It’s disgusting, that’s the word that keeps coming to mind, and I hate to put that word over top of it, I’m shaking actually just thinking about it, but it’s okay now, but it wasn’t okay for so long because I didn’t even know why… And you probably didn’t even conceptualize as you continue to give yourself away in that manner, why is this time do it, why do I keep doing it? Why do I keep putting myself in this situation, why do I keep allowing myself to want to feel in this way, what do I desire? And this kind of love so deeply… Right, and it’s because you never were treated in the way that you are supposed to be, and I had this very high comprehension that in order to be loved, I had to act a certain way, I was expected to perform.

0:39:11 S2: Yea. And to this day, I just cringe when I see girls who are way too young to be wearing and talking and acting and receiving… Love the way that they’re receiving it. And while my call, I know is towards older women and releasing people from shame and guilt and walking in the light of who they were intended to be, and as my heart costs… Absolutely, and I read this book called Sex and a broken culture, and it pinpointed exactly through at all of these problems within our society, and I just… One by one started really recognizing it even, and I’ve said this in a previous episode about the music that we listen to and how it’s just constant, it’s constantly there, and if you are constantly living in that space in that mindset, you are gonna become what they’re asking you to become… Because you don’t have any strength to be anything else, and you don’t know any better most of the time either, and there’s no… And I don’t felt our parents generation for this, but I’ve just really seen it, that the whole concept of the birds and bees, first off, just call it what it is, like the sex talk, like, this is what’s expected.

0:40:44 S2: This is just not allowed. This is why this is when this is how… I never really had that at all, and it was just shut down, you’re not allowed to… Blank. And that was it. Yet I’m craving it. Yep. So what do I do? Yeah, what do I do about it? Are these feeling is normal. How do I process them? How do I control them? And knowing what to Ioannis it, okay to say no. I didn’t feel like I was supposed to say No. Yeah, I knew and I was simultaneously living this dual life, which was really difficult in and of itself, and where I feel like the concepts of mask in my life and titles really started to play into each other was that I was going to a US camp Young Life Camp because of… And young life in general, which is like a kids youth group in through high school, a ministry, I was going because of pain that was happening in my household, I was asking… What was happening within me? Everything was always projected, this is the problem, and this is a secret. And I literally made a post today that…

0:42:03 S2: You are as sick as your secrets. Rightha. And I’m just making through in your mouth, but everywhere it gets up shaking ’cause really overwhelming, but I lived this life of expectation on one end, this is how you want me to act, so this is what I’m gonna show you. This is who I am over here. But in secret, this is what I feel like I’m supposed to be doing for… To be loved, right. And somehow the opposite sex who was on the receiving end or the asking and or the polling Yuan, and they made me believe that this space was the person I was to be, right. They need this base more comfortable than the space of Christianity that was supposed to be my safe harbor, but again, the secrets held me hostage, right. And I can’t blame those people anymore, which I did for a very long time, because they’re in the same broken culture that I’m in at, and their homes were broken just like in… Exactly. And so here we are, looping women, and I believe that for the first time in my life, and I think for you, you probably feel the same though you’ve been past it many more years, comprehension, I value that you have just held tight to what that means to you now, and it has been an example to me even while being married…

0:43:51 S2: Wow. And so I know that that’s something that you probably still struggle with occasionally, yes. Especially in the context of being a single woman and wanting to be married… Correct, there’s a huge dynamic on that on that and have actually been as a last month actually, technically walking life of celibacy for six years. Now, I will give you a caveat to that I had… I was seeing somebody last year and there were some challenges where there were some more lines there, the overall purity was not completely compromised, and I prayed and I had peace with God and he told me that I was not… I did not compromise my integrity, though I do admin, I made some mistakes that some things that shouldn’t have happen happen, and I walk through that forgiveness with him, and I’m past that, I’m thankful for that, but most men these days, even Christian men, believe it or not, and it’s kind of shocking sometimes, but then again, not really with the culture, but there’s a lot of Christian and even today that just don’t understand and like, Well, I’m human and I should be able to do that, and like, Okay, that’s…

0:45:14 S2: You have a rewrite, but I’m choosing not to, and I’m seeing not too, because I value myself now when I don’t value myself before, and I understand that I’m worth it. Yeah, worth the weight trying to take that… You know that statement one, I don’t know who owns that student who first came up with it, but… Thank you. But yeah, I am worth the way I am, and I actually know a couple of people that waited were virgins. Actually, I know someone, throw someone else who was still a version and not married and is almost my age, and then I know someone who just got married about two or three years ago, she was 32, I think, and stay diversion until she was married. And that’s what he is a stuff is not celebrated on a non-notated to be… I’ve got to witness it into separate scenarios, and actually, I was at stowaway at one of the two, but really close to the other couple as well, and… Wow. Yeah, I think a lot of self-control to where you’ve been experienced to or predisposed the certain things are not… That takes a lot of socotra.

0:46:31 S2: And do you know from their background, what type of household they were raised in… Yeah, one of them specific… Well, one of them is not a believer that I understand or I mean race Catholic or whatever, but we’re not gonna go there. There’s a lot of controversy in could be a hole in a tie, the other person was not necessarily group in church, but I ended up starting to go to use group at some point during her teenage years, and that I actually believe was in college. I could be wrong, but I’m either late teens or early on in college, was going to youth camps and stuff, and that’s about… That’s when she began to get her life with me, walk with Christ and everything, so I’m not really… I don’t think she had the perfect household, and it wasn’t like… It wasn’t terrible. Yeah, nobody’s either even still as… Don’t matter really what Hayley? I don’t think it was pushed on her, you need to stay everyone cesaris. Sure, and I don’t know much about the other one, but it’s definitely still amazing to me as something that I tithing about, I know a third person that I’ve just recently started getting connected with, and I haven’t gotten too much involved in how their background…

0:48:06 S2: How much the background is… Yes, I think she’s in her mid-20s and she’s still a urgent. But everyone that I know, they came from a really just foundationally Christian help both couples, both male and female, and it’s not to say that being a Christian versus not being Christian, but I know if you have that biblical understanding of intimacy, it’s so much less about sex, it’s so much less about expenses and I… Into me, you see? Yes, the intimacy… You get that into me. You see, it’s like, I was like, I didn’t come up with that. Entente doesn’t matter one way or another. It is amazing, and it’s just… I literally had to comprehend that intimacy while already being married, while already having had sex with my husband prior to marriage and then having kids with my husband, so imagine unpacking more challenge, especially out naresuan your past. On top of all that is not to be just let overwhelming… Well, and I just come in, my husband for the place that we’re at now, as Tennessee, Emma, little bit darker, there you… I want to clone is his heart and give it away to bodies that the intimacy level that you desire, but he truly…

0:49:45 S2: He’s walked this situation out with me for years now, and to the point of where I didn’t even want anybody to touch me, to the point where I didn’t wanna look at myself in Berton that I didn’t want… I surely, whenever anything in a sexual manner happens, even with my kids around, I am so cognitively aware on such a deep level of anything like that, and to the point that it’s probably gonna be to my kids detriment, I hope I’m not that parent who’s like you can use, but I hope that I had come up with a story line of explaining the heart of God behind that passion, and I don’t even think this was the intent of where this conversation was expected to go, we’re not wanted to, but… Absolutely, I know at the beginning, we talked about where we’ve been, how we’ve got to wear where we walked through the middle season of our life, and so I would love for you to share with people that wasn’t even a part fully… A part of the blossoming that you’ve done, and I love for you to kind of unpack that a little bit more on where you are now, and this whole concept of success coach, that’s a success in and of itself to be celibate for six years as a middle aged 30 or a middle 30-year-old woman who is the testimony to your son…

0:51:11 S2: To your 15-year-old and he’s actually, I’ve had conversations with me. I’m gonna a great dish, but He knows what’s happened in I passed and he knows the walk had been a law, he understands. I love that 10-year-old as much as you put understatement, but there’s a lot of fine lines in there, right. But I just, I think it’s incredible, and I just commend you for being as strong as you have been, so thank you for being an example to my daughter and to many, many, many women out there that it is possible. And I wanna give hope to the people who have been in marriage or who are out of sight of relationships, that it can start today, it’s the decision that you make right now about how much you are worth because you are worth so much… That was so much that a life was given for you, so much that a Love is given to you, import over you and prayed for you and planned out for you from before you were ever even conceived, so now you’re worth… Whoever’s listening now, you are worth it in so many different ways, so…

0:52:23 S2: Strange transition. These shares. Yeah, so there was a lot. There was a lot in the before military, and then when I went into the military, I kind of went with mature and got military concatenated weird visualization. Sometimes I get these, these visuals, never had this, but it’s like I was thinking about it, Pomona in usually sweeter when you have more year scoops on top of the combat, what happens when you put too many schools on top of the cone… I was gonna fall off. That’s good. That’s a good visual. It was literally like the entire console of my life, and he was hot mess trying to push my way through, and I got very, very good at learning how to just keep pushing through that… Just keep trekking along because you know what, that’s what I was told all my life, just keep pushing to me, it’s just get over it. Just keep going, just keep going. So I learn how to do it and I kept going, and I kept going, and I kept going, and I literally ran my train off the tracks and still kept trying to do that to… And it was just…

0:53:41 S2: It was beyond nuts. There was at least more than one of action where I contemplated admitting myself to a mental hospital, there was one occasion prior to me doing the military that I took 149 pre-hoping to in my life, thankfully, I approach really doesn’t do that much. Used make you sick, like make you throw up or whatever, but fortunately, now, if you take… Please anyone who’s think anything, don’t try. I don’t think that it’s okay to take a 14-9 points. Totally not. Okay, it’s totally not present, but I’m grateful that it didn’t do anything, but that’s pretty much… That’s what I dealt with in my mind, I remember there were many years where I would be in such emotional turmoil that I would cry hysterically, every day, I would scream, I would be angry, I would pull my hair so tight, I was almost pulling it out and I would bang my head on walls because there was so much going in my head and I didn’t understand what to do with it, and nobody else understood, and so the only thing I could do was just trying to get it out essentially, I would kind of bang it out…

0:54:59 S2: Try to pull it out and it didn’t work. Finally, through working through meeting Christy, I’m working through that relationship and other people that I came into contact with, the contact with through the church, I started to get some healing, and that’s kind of what’s helped me on the road to celibacy and many other areas of healing, and within that, and within my time in the military, I decided my son’s father, when we were together, had encouraged me to go back to school, and I never thought that I could even go to school because one, I couldn’t afford it. And I was a CD student before I dropped out, and I hated school. So why would I go to the Y? Why would I go to college? I hated school, I wasn’t good at it, but he encouraged me to at least try, he said, you’ve had these benefits that are free to you, why are you not using… Yeah, yeah, so I started off when associates trying to her for associates, ended up before that was done switching to the bachelor’s and got a Master’s degree. Before I was finished on matches degree, I was like, I wanna go further, I wanna go get my Masters, so…

0:56:16 S2: Great, so clear as I thinking. So he got more school. Yeah, so when I get my master’s degree and when I was finishing that, my dad said and a couple of other people said You should go for your doctor… And I was like, You know, I’m done. I’m not on, I’m done, I’m done. That’s it. Well, 11, three years later that… So I’m sitting at work after a couple of days had gone by and mules talked about school, going a to school for this and that, and whatever, and all of a sudden, I just got this… It was on like a voice that I heard, it was just this general calming piece that just said, It’s time to go back, we… It’s time to go back. And so I found a school and I enrolled and by the end of the year… Perfectly of all the test. Well, I will have my doctorate degree, so… Amazing. That degree is in what? The degrees in Business Administration with a concentration of leadership. Just in March, I finished all of my classes with a 40, and some of that, I think the teachers just kind of say, Oh we…

0:57:32 S2: Would you finish the class? I just hear the name, but it was a lot of work with a lot of writing, a lot of research, a lot of days where I was crying a well, from a drop out… Right, exactly. And that is like, boom, it is straddled in all of that can give all the stuff that I went through, and I know people that went through far worse than me, and I commend them for just to being here today, but thinking about how stuff that had been through and each level that I’ve gone up and how much, you know, I’ve progressed educationally, especially through the help of God and my friends and family that have supported me, What’s resonated in my heart so much is that no matter how far down you’ve gone, no matter how much you’ve messed up, you can not only rise above, but you can go further than you ever dream… Yeah, so true, go further than you can never drink to, and basically that’s kind of what has birthed this Success Coach concept. My desire is to help people to figure out where are they stuck, develop a plan to move forward and coach them through that process is so good that…

0:59:05 S2: That’s so good. That’s really good. And I love a big of that just from where you’ve started out on, that is your journey, and that’s honestly a whole another podcast that based on a total talk about today, but I love that you’re starting from that financial piece, which I think is such a vulnerable conversation for so many people already, because that’s a place that you often hide, again, you’re at a personal… As sick as your secrets. And the facade, again, the mask of what we put out in front for people to see because what you drive matters, what your house looks like matters, but what data are you carrying, one, spending habits are you utilizing as comfort, whether it’s food, whether it’s shopping at… So many different things. So I love that you’re starting in a place that seems business-like, but it’s gonna give you an opportunity to just… Let people be transparent. Yeah, and that right there is gonna give you the true in for that transformation of piece, because if we can get our finances a line and we can be honest about something as secretive as that, then you can really help from…

1:00:25 S2: Okay, the finances are causing the anxiety, this is stemming from this situation from… I didn’t have money when I was younger, which is stemming from the fact that I lived out of the van with a mattress, and so you get to really… It’s not just the success of what society deems a success, but what Jesus deems as success and that I’m so excited to say for people… Exactly, and that’s the thing, and we don’t realize that we look at society, we look at… Society is used to do this and you should do that. But between you and God, as long as it’s in the will of God, as you set the bar, as you set the bar, and when you get close to or if you want, you raise it and you keep raising a lot that it’s funny ’cause raised the bar is like, Oh my god, I baseball become my burn sister too, which is amazing, and we talk… My stick is all the mind, body and soul component, and I feel like you’ve gotten so mentally strong, you are so spiritually strong and here you are working out alongside me to get that physical component that I just think it’s gonna make you unstoppable and I’m…

1:01:39 S2: So I love seeing that component of you just thrive because your testimony is just gonna grow from that, so… More power to you. For constantly raising the bar. Not for other people, but for yourself. First, yes. And walking that out first, yes. ’cause I think so often, we have this desire and you might have this internal call, our purpose over your life that you knew a long time ago, like I want this for other people. You have a soft heart. You have a kind heart. You have gone through all of these trials. I don’t want other people to do this, but until you are personally capable of standing on your own two feet, there is no way you can help somebody else stand up, it’s just not possible, you’re not sturdy enough for them to hold on to, and once you do hadn’t you get to that point where you’re able to stand up, you better reach back and help someone else at A and O, not leave them there. Yeah, yeah, she used to be there and you most likely had somebody help you through it… Yes, so true. There’s a Brene Brown book that I’m reading right now, there to daring to Le or dare to lead.

1:02:43 S2: It is amazing, she talks a lot about vulnerability and transparency, but all of it is about leadership, and it’d be amazing for your doctorate component, but she’s talking about creating this square squad, and I’m actually talking about it tonight at Core, which we all gonna do afterwards, but it’s talking, it’s kind of like the Inner Circle concept of what we often talk… You are the five people that you surround yourself with. And church pastries always talking about that inner circle being so covenant and it doesn’t need to be 400 people or 40 people, or it needs before people. So she changes it, bracing it to the square spot, so it’s a square, and it too is in front of you, who’s beside you, who’s behind you, and she doesn’t actually talk about it from that perspective, she just calls the square squad ’cause there’s four people, and so the way I unpacked it and visualized it was that there’s the person in front of you, they’re your mentor, the person you’re falling behind a IWAN ago, or you’re going to the person who’s probably been where you are, and they’re the one reaching up behind it to say come on with me, just like you said, and then you have your people who are beside you, which would be like you and be for each other, the person who’s like your sister, who’s just like, Come on, you’ve got this…

1:03:56 S2: Let’s go, I’ll go with you. I’ll experience this with you, but then you have to have that person who’s behind you that will catch you when you fall, taking it back to the beginning of the conversation, I… Himmler concept into that. So in the military, if you’re not driving, if you’re walking all even in the convoy, got people, cars in the vehicles, partner vehicle to find you, the vehicle in the front and the vehicle back usually have someone with weapons and they’re basically basically looking in all directions to cover a whole 360 or… And if you’re walking around, it’s the same concept, you at least have two people, but a lot of times you try to make sure you have a full 360 coverage. Have you ever heard the concept… I Got Your Six. So usually on the final 1260, cools, the concept is, and a lot of times it’s two people, but you can also have four, you have more people, so you have that everybody’s covering as like the clock at the top, reiterates this way, the people here and this way, scan this way and skin this way, and you got the whole thing that has aesthetic…

1:05:13 S2: I see you all that. That’s so cool, I love it. It’s a different dynamic, but it seriously makes up the exact same thing, Severus a square, so it all coverage. Yeah, and I’m pumped to be alongside it with you, I’m excited to see as you allow your elbow was a weed to get to the gym, make sure it doesn’t break, but imagining you being almost all of these for somebody, and not for one person, but you’re gonna be that mentor for someone who’s like, Come on, you are a sister out ready to me and so many other walking life out alongside us, but then also that person who’s like I try and I love that about you because you’re on guard all the time. Probably too much sometimes. Maybe some fault. We all have our pros. Can be our Collins. Yes, right. I mean, it’s an interesting concept, even like I was just going through the conversation of addiction and how your addictive personality can actually be your biggest rent if your addiction is for good, and yet at the same time, it can be your largest week is when your addiction is turned to that.

1:06:24 S2: So I don’t even know how to close today out because it was just so dynamic in so many different ways, but… Do you have anything else that you wanna share or say? I know we talked about other things. Well, I think we really have touched everything other than going deep into the financial stuff, the… I’ve made some really poor choices financially, and then learned a lot of things… By the way, I love Abrams if you haven’t heard them. Lookouts, I’ve learned a lot of things from that, and that’s really helped to shape certain things as well, and maybe another time we can come on the packet when I was on my way here, and I think he would ask me to think about some things I had just a couple of words of pocket my head, and those words were, Get back up. And so I just want to encourage anyone else who’s listening to this, you tee, you are, and if you’ve achieved a bunch of stuff, but you feel like your staff or you feel like there’s not another level, I encourage you there is… Or if you have messed up in a certain area of your life and you feel like there’s no way to go back to that and start again, or even try something new, and maybe it’s not start again with that, and maybe it’s starting again with something new at whatever it is.

1:07:45 S2: Get back up. Try again, I love it. I was just literally teaching my five-year-old how to ride a two alor, which he knows how to do, but he just has this fear factor, he’s gonna fall, which… Why not? And yesterday, he kept getting so frustrated, he get so mad when he can’t win or when he doesn’t achieve, and it’s literally pushed on himself because I’m an achiever, so I try really hard not to press that upon and that he has to be the best… Just do your best. You don’t have to be the best. But he kept calling and I just kept saying, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. And he would stop this speed, the tears would have flow immediately, and he got so mad and he’s like, Oh, I just have to make it home, and he would you get back on the bike and keep going, and I just so potent at the end because it is hard, it’s not easy to get back up. There’s gonna be people who are in your way saying that you can’t do it, and likely they’re gonna be the people who are closest to you, you keep going, just like you said, you raise the bar for yourself, not for anybody else’s pleasure, not for anybody else else’s expectations, but for yourself, because you are the one with yourself at the end of the day, you are the one who looks in your reflection when you’re brushing your teeth in the morning, that is the time that you get to be real and most alive with yourself if you are not getting back up, you are just falafel if you’re falling, and there is such opportunity to just get right with yourself and that a vertical alignment before you ever concern yourself with the horizontal alignment and other people, and when you are ready, that horizontal alignment becomes beautiful, because you are open and able to walk out like linked arm and arm, and I’ve walked out many, many years without having that open accessibility for other people, my arms were taped to my side and I was marching forward, but I was not allowing anybody else to come along to the rat, even mean husband.

1:09:51 S2: So I’m thankful that I’ve learned that ability to just be open for other people and knowing the value of getting back up and helping others up along the way, and you definitely have been an inspiration to me and help me up many times with your words and just your presence. So I’m grateful to have you here. I hope that others, and I know other people have already experienced you from the Michele Mary Success Coach space that you now are jumping into alongside your doctor degree. It’s insane. It’s a mining, I’m so proud of you. I still don’t like it. I Aliso, amazing PhD. That’s a while. And so just if you guys gonna look, harasses incredible a linker on the podcast and all of the lives that you guys are a part of now, it’s been real, it’s been amazing. And I’m thankful for you, it’s gonna let you may be too and leverage the dogs have been with us the whole time and you have a bar one time you’re gonna say, You think set alight

1:10:58 S1: At Louisbourg. Hey, hope in today’s episode, you since an Ignite to an ember within you, something mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually moving that creates and sustains a fire within your wholeness journey. Before you go, let’s solidify the flame. I’d love for you to take a step right now in declaring your take away by snapping a pic of the episode you tuned in to share your sparked moment and tag me at Fifth with the hashtag faith podcast so I can help you stay accountable. We’re in this together, right? Community over competition is the motto. I’d also be credibly grateful if you took an extra second to leave a review on iTunes or your podcast was in half, let’s feel the blame and share the gift of wholeness with everybody until next time. Cheers to your health and happiness.

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